Under The Full Moon
by All That's Left is a Girl
Summary: Jacob imprinted years ago sending Bella out into the wide world. Dispite the odds she made a life for herself which is interrupted when a call for help drags her home where she is faced with a lot more then the usual vampire vs werewolf drama.
1. Pro

Prologue: Letters

The Letter I'll Never Send

Author Unknown

I wish I could say  
>How much I care for you<br>But I don't know how  
>So here's what I'll do<p>

I'll write you a letter  
>Saying what I've been through<br>Day after day  
>Always thinking of you<p>

I don't see you much  
>But when I do it makes me cry<br>So I'll write to you  
>Without a lie<p>

I'll say that I love you  
>The first line that I write<br>So you instantly know  
>At your first sight<p>

I'll say that I dream  
>I'll say that I fly<br>And without you  
>I'd probably die<p>

I'll say that I smile  
>As I write you the note<br>I'll say that I wished  
>I could wear your big coat<p>

I'll say that whenever  
>I close my eyes<br>I see you face  
>It never dies<p>

I'll say that you're perfect  
>In every possible way<br>That I wish I could hold you  
>Every single day<p>

I'll say that I wish  
>You were here with me<br>But it's crazy because  
>I know you can't be<p>

Do you think about me  
>Or did you forget<br>The things we had done  
>And the goals we had set<p>

But after I read  
>My note once again<br>I realize I'd never send it  
>It's a waste of my pen<p>

You'd see it, and read it  
>Then throw it away<br>You don't care anymore  
>To yourself you would say <p>

_I know you won't understand but I'm lost! I know what I saw and I know what I've been told. What I don't know is what to do! I have to go even though I don't want to! They told me that I did, that it was the only way. I don't know what to say. I don't want to say goodbye. I'm sorry!_

_Bella_

_Dearest Friend,_

_I know that I left with no warning. I find that despite everything, I do feel sorry for that but it wasn't like I was given much warning either. It's taken me a couple of weeks to realize it but I couldn't leave you wondering for the rest of your life what had become of me. You know me well enough to know that I am not that spiteful nor am I a bitter enough person to allow my family to suffer or to allow you to believe that circumstances without your control made me decide to find my own death once more. _

_Sometimes I wish I could be that self-centered but I choose to live and I intend to do so._

_You forced my heart to pump when it didn't want to. You forced air into my lungs when I thought that I would suffocate. I won't dishonor what you did for me back when you were allowed to love me. I was so stupid back then, so very blind... I was a mess. I didn't know honest, I didn't really understand so much then. I didn't even understand what I had when I did._

_I sat on that godforsaken plane home from Italy, the knowledge that I was going to cease to live fresh in my head – I knew I would still be alive but not in the human sense, things would never taste, feel or be the same for me ever again – it was what I had wanted, what I thought was the only logical course of action that was left for me in my life. _

_I was wrong, so very wrong._

_I told you all this before, when I came home but I wanted to make sure that you really understood what I told you then because so much has changed now I guess for both of us._

_Death wasn't what I had fought for – what you had made me fight for. I struggled and fought, while you pushed and demanded from me every breath that rattled in my lungs, every beat of my heart, every smile, every tear. It was all yours, all mine._

_In the moment that I knew that I was going to die, everything changed. I grew up, I changed. I was stronger and suddenly I was at peace with myself. Death wasn't something that frightened me anymore but I was finally ready to live. _

_I knew it then, in that moment that I loved you._

_I don't tell you this to make you feel guilty although part of me wishes you would feel guilty, that way I could know that you still cared. It's okay you know. I know you can't help who you imprint on or even when it happens. At least we had one glorious year together, the way it was meant to be, just me and you._

_I want you to know that I don't hate you. I don't even really hate Melika. Don't mistake me, I tried to hate you, I really did but I couldn't make the hate stick. The problem is that I know deep down inside a part of me that even I don't know well that neither of you, least of all you, meant to break me back down into little pieces._

_I think I'm strong enough now to eventually put myself back together. You gave me that and I am so very grateful for it. _

_I ran to Edward that night. I couldn't think of anyone who cared for me more that that moment. The only problem was that when I parted company with Edward and tried to part company with all of the Cullens but they wouldn't have it. It turns out that they still love me like family. So I am not alone, at least not for the moment. Emmett and Rosalie believe it or not, refuse to allow me out into the big bad world by myself. With their help, I'm going to go to collage and then after that, who knows, the world is mine to discover._

_I need to ask you a favor like Sam and your elders have probably already asked of you. Perhaps because of the way that we parted, I don't deserve my favor to be granted but I will ask because it is what I believe is best for all of us; stop trying to call me. Don't pester Charlie or the other Cullens for news about me. You need to let me go, forget that I ever existed – okay scratch that, I didn't mean that exactly._

_Let me go, let me be a happy memory, just don't forget me._

_I'll come back one day, I promise, once I heal, once I learn to smile and laugh again. I promised Charlie when I left. I will probably spend holidays with my father again when I can. Don't worry, I am sure that our paths won't cross again, at least not in this lifetime._

_Tell my friends or rather those in the Pack who still count me as a friend that I'm sorry. That sometimes memories and emotions are just too much to handle. Let them know that all I need is time and space but that I haven't ceased caring for them. Tell Leah that I respect her courage more then ever now._

_Maybe I'll travel for a while. Maybe, I'll settle somewhere new after collage. Once the tears stop, I think I'll like the fact that my life is now filled with a thousand maybes._

_You gave me that gift._

_Thank you_

_Bella_

_Dearest friend,_

_It has been exactly one year since I left Forks and you and Edward behind. Down on paper that doesn't seem as long as it's sometimes felt._

_It has felt like a very long time._

_It wasn't easy at first. I spent a lot of time reflecting on everything that had led to my exodus. I sometimes wonder what you are doing, if you ever think of me. I think I prefer my fantasy to knowing the truth, in my imagination, while you may not love me anymore but you do miss me. After all weren't we best friends once too before we were lovers?_

_I enrolled in collage after a summer making my way around Europe. It was Rose and Emmett's graduation gift to me and their way of trying to push off a depression like the one that Edward left me with. I think your stories may have worried them a little._

_It half worked. _

_Europe is beautiful! And you don't have to worry, we avoided Italy like the plague. It would take me pages that I don't have time to write to describe to you all the different things that I saw while I traveled so you will find enclosed some pictures of my favorite places that I saw along the way._

_We started in Spain and while I spent my days mostly alone sight seeing or laying on white sand beaches. My new guardians introduced me to a nightlife the likes of which I have never experienced before. Once I got over the awkwardness that being with one of the most beautiful and graceful beings I've ever seen and took a leaf out of goof-off Emmett's book, I found that I rather enjoyed going out dancing. There's something freeing about letting your hair down and forgetting about decorum._

_We made our way around Europe that way. I would mostly see the sights alone during the day when my friends would have to hide from the sun and they would take me out at night. I saw Paris with it's wonderful museums, eateries and old elegant cathedrals, Berlin with the reminder of the great wars and the separation of a country, Amsterdam with all of it's flowers and artisan ways, Edinburgh with it's castles and people so proud of where they came from, London and it's monarchs, Madrid, Wein, Budapest, Oslo and even Stockholm that way before the school year started for me._

_I loved it. At moments I forgot that I was sad, that I missed you._

_I am going to take a journalism course, history and classic literature as well as anthropology. I don't think it will take me long to declare a major. I do love to study. I want a career that will encourage me to travel. I think always moving helps me to forget about the real world. Is that even okay?_

_For now I don't think I really care, that's what collage is about so I'll run with it._

_I made two new friends this year. Rosalie doesn't like them much. She can't tell me why, she just says that they give her a bad feeling in her stomach every time she looks at them. The thing is, I'm done with someone else telling me who I can and can't be friends with so for now I'm ignoring her until she can give me a good reason why I shouldn't want to have them in my life._

_Their names are Mathew and Daniel Wainwright. Brothers actually who decided upon the same collage, something of a family tradition they say. They even took me home with them for Thanksgiving. You would never believe the old mansion that they live in or the grounds around it. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Rosalie and Emmett however didn't seem to like the amount of time that I spent with the Wainwright family and put their foot down, demanding that Christmas was theirs._

_They surprised me when they rented out a half a hotel and invited everyone that they were allowed to invite to join us there for the holidays. It was nice to see their siblings and my parents. All of the Cullens were there, well not Edward, for now, we aren't really speaking. He says that I'm trying too hard to move on, I think the other problem is that we don't see eye to eye on everything anymore. _

_My parents were there and my step-father Phil. My mom and Phil make an interesting couple, it's proof of opposites attracting. Angela came too with her latest California boyfriend and Dad brought Sue Clearwater. That was interesting, she wasn't very comfortable in the same room as the Cullens but she seemed to get along with my new friends quiet well. My whole extended family seemed to. I was glad to find that Rosalie's worries were still unfounded._

_Sue was pleasant to be around and told me how you all were doing. It sounds like things are going well, the pack sounds like it's strong. You and Sam must be doing a good job. I was glad to hear that you were able to start fully supporting each other like you should have been from the start. I was glad to hear that Sam let Leah go to collage even if it was only in Port Angeles, she needs time away from the Pack more than anyone. Trust me, I know. _

_Currently, I'm done with school for the summer and am waiting to work out what Rose has planned for our grand excursion this year. To be honest I'm hoping for something less grand then last time. Maybe a couple of weeks somewhere warm and sunny and then just staying put for a while. I could use the time to make decisions on my major. When I get back from where ever it is that we are going, I'm going to Matt and Dan's for a couple of weeks so I don't have to be alone for too long. Emmett said that Alice was very insistent that they came home for a certain length of time on some very specific dates. I hope that the trouble has nothing to do with me or you._

_I'm doing well and I wish the same for you._

_Bella_

_Dearest friend,_

_Today is one of those weeks. The kind that start badly and end badly. I'm tired and I miss home more then I can tell you. I miss Charlie's unchanging nature. I miss the rain. I miss walking through the forest or along the beach with the waves lapping so steadily against the shore. _

_I miss Edward's solid, still and unchanging presence. I miss laughing with Embry and Quill. I miss Seth being silly and Leah trying desperately to hate me but not knowing where to start. I miss Esme and the ways that she would find to mother me in the absence of my own mother. I miss Alice, my only real gal pal, sometimes I even think that I miss the way that she would use me like an over grown barbie doll. I miss Emily and the way that she encouraged me to try new things and the way that she looked after you boys._

_I miss you._

_There is a massive list of things that I miss about you. I'm not even going to try to start an explanation of what and why. The list is too long. The list doesn't really matter except that today I miss you more then I have in a while._

_It's not as bad as it was before, I mean, it feels like there is a hole in my chest sometimes and I can't breathe because it's trying to take over my whole chest cavity. All I'm saying is that it's been worse, I'm learning to control the pain but some days are easier than others._

_I got a call from my dad too today. That should have been a good thing right? Except it made me feel worse. Apparently him and Billy aren't talking any more. Apparently Billy can't stop gushing about Melika. It was the last straw for my father. I never knew him to be all that protective but apparently he is. I'm glad that your dad gets along with her, at least I think I am and I'm sorry that my father can't see past that to the friendship that they've had for years. Maybe they will mend it someday._

_My mother showed up not long after. She had traveled up from Jackson because her and Phil have been fighting and she just needed 'space' whatever that means. My mother amazes me sometimes. She's more like a twenty-something then I am. She always has been, so she's parked on my couch watching old eighty's movies and eating tub after tub of rocky road ice cream. Phil loves her to death, he's been calling every couple of hours since she arrived but she won't even talk to him._

_I think I have him convinced to just come on over here. She's an irrational creature and if he manages some big romantic gesture everything will be just fine. I just don't think my mother understands how lucky she is. There is this amazing guy in her life and she loves him and he loves her back. You don't get more lucky then that right?_

_So the week ended for me when Matt and I went to see a movie last night. It was at an old style movie theater with the red velvet curtains and chairs and the old style molding on the walls. We bought popcorn that was covered in too much butter and chocolate covered peanuts and watched an old film noir movie in black and white._

_There were three main characters, a wealthy but down to earth business man, a dangerous and mysterious detective who you can't work out if he's any better then the men that he's rounding up and a lounge singer who can't choose between the two. _

_It was a stupid movie._

_It was a stupid idea to go see a movie. _

_Rosalie told me to be careful, that Matt was starting to look at me the way that you and Edward used to when I wasn't looking. I didn't believe her. I thought that I had painted an image of a person who wanted nothing but friendship from any other living being but I guess I was wrong. He took my hand, turned to me and told me that he could make me happy if I would just give him a chance._

_The look on his face reminded me of yours the night that you, Mike and I went to see that stupid action movie. Before you turned into a werewolf. Before everything changed and your genetics wrote new instructions into your blood and your brain._

_He was just as earnest as you were. His hand was just as warm. I was just as unhappy about it and yet I believe him now like I didn't believe you then. I think that he would make me happy if I could just let him. If I could give him my heart as a whole, without the pieces missing. He's a good man, a kind person, he's smart and funny and protective. He's easy to talk to and listens with out too much commentary unless you want him to start talking and then you can't get him to stop._

_He sounds like a good match doesn't he? Except that he's not. That and as much as I do like him and care for him, I only feel friendship toward him. No amount of wishing can change that for me, trust me I tried wishing. At least not now and I know how stupid it is to say that. I know because I've stood in this same spot before with you and yet I can't change it any more then I could have changed myself back then._

_I have something good staring me in the face and I can't let myself have it. Instead I'm sitting here writing a letter to you. I don't know why I bother sometimes except that I can't seem to stop. It's a way for me to intrude in your life every once and a while. Stupid I know but there are lots of things that seem stupid in my life right now._

_I miss you and can't help but hope that you might miss me too._

_Bella_

_Dearest friend,_

_I think that I have too much time to think sometimes. Thanks to Matt, the more I think the more likely I am to sit down and write. I think when he told me it would help, he meant more of a journal but I find writing letters helps formulate thought better._

_Today I am thinking about my childhood with Rene. How there were times that I felt like I was more of a mother to her then she ever was to me. How it took my mother getting married and me feeling like I was holding her back to meet and build a relationship with my father._

_I wonder, did I love my mother more then she loved me sometimes. I was always doing what was right for her and I don't know if I ever took much time to think about myself in those instances. I mean so much would be different right now if I had been the child rather then the parent and stayed behind with her while Phil traveled the country rather then letting her follow him and her heart._

_I wouldn't know my father. I wouldn't have learned how a quiet and unassuming man could be so strong, loyal and loving. I wouldn't have known that I got my sly and stubborn streak from him or found out how much he loved and missed my mother and I._

_I would never have met Edward or the other Cullens. I would never have fallen so drastically and completely in love for the first time. I wouldn't have found myself in physical harm the way that I always seemed to. I would never have come in contact with James or Laurent or Victoria. I wouldn't even know about Vampires or Werewolves._

_I would never have met you again. I would forever be the girl that you made mud pies with you in your backyard. I wouldn't have had such a strong, constant best friend whose love was so strong that it pulled me in like a strong current._

_I started my thinking marathon because I have to write an essay. _

_I have to pick one person who irrevocably changed my life and describe them and how they changed me in a positive or negative way. I've sat for hours thinking about who that person is. The problem is that there are too many people who have had massive impacts on my life. My parents, Edward, James, you._

_I don't think that one person can be the one and only focal point for change in anyone's life but I don't think I'm going to pass this course if I don't choose someone._

_I wonder who you would choose. Before Melika came into your life that is. I am sure that because of the imprint that she is now the only focal point in your life and I am sorry for that. Not because your tribe has a way of finding soul-mates or because our dreams that we had together went out the window with it but because that takes so much learning, growing and fun out of the process._

_I wonder who I would have been without all the people in my life that have helped to influence me. Would I be the same person? Would I have chosen the same things? Would I be stronger? Would I be weaker? _

_Would I have different tastes in clothes without Alice? A better taste in music without having listened to all those eighties hair bands in your garage? Would I like to eat stake well done instead of medium-rare if my father hadn't forced so many down my throat? Would I love to travel and experience the world the way that I do without Rosalie dragging me across the known universe? Would I appreciate sports without Emmett? Would I have learned to love to write without Mathew looking over my shoulder?_

_There are so many questions and yet I find that I am glad that I don't know the answer to those great questions. That there is no fate written for me. That I have so many choices that I can make that will help shape me into the person that I want to become._

_Maybe there have been a lot of people who have influenced who I have become and yet I think, as I sit here and write you yet another letter that I understand what you were always trying to tell me. Maybe I am the person that has irrevocably changed my own life more than everyone else. I am the person I am because I choose to be that person. I have chosen the path that I have taken that has led me to all the people who have helped me change._

_I hope that you are well and that you never stop letting people help you write your story._

_Bella_

_Dearest friend,_

_It's been a long time. You probably thought that I had fallen off the face of the planet. I know that was what my parents thought to start with. It turns out that I am really bad at communicating with people. I did an exchange and spent two semesters abroad in England, getting my priorities in order._

_I'll make this letter short and to the point. In many ways Edward was right last time that he had I spoke, I have been trying too hard to move on and all in the wrong ways. I need to stop worrying and thinking about you and work at getting on with my life. At some point I need to make time for me and get to know myself._

_I don't know if communicating any more of my life with you will be a good idea for either of us so I guess these last few lines mean goodbye at least for now, maybe forever. I can't tell you what is going to be in my future any more then you know what is going to be in yours. I have resolved to finish school through my master's year, even though I don't know what good it will do me in these uncertain times, at least I can say that I have done that and then I am going to leave._

_I don't know where I'm going to go yet or what I'm going to do. Part of me is afraid. I may have learned to control myself but I will always be dangerous to those around me. It's always been that way, I am destined to hurt people, you and Edward were just the first. I think I finally understand you better than I ever have, your nature, why you did the things that you did. What I don't understand is why you fought for us for so long? Maybe it's a good thing that I don't understand but I do know that I can't keep dragging this out for my sake. I don't even know if you read these letters and some days it hurts too badly to think about the possibility that you haven't cared to open one._

_I just want you to know that there will never come a time in my life where you are not in my thoughts. I care as strongly for you today as I did the last time I saw you three years ago. I wish you every happiness in your life and hope that you are granted everything that your heart desires._

_I only ever wanted what was best for you._

_I'm very sorry._

_Bella_

_Dearest Friend,_

_I couldn't let you go. It seems that I am not as strong in some ways as I thought that I was. Strange how you can think that you have come to peace with something that then find that you weren't as much as you thought that you were. I guess this was one of those times for me._

_They were in Forks for two nights not long past, Emmett and Rose. Just long enough for them to see you from the distance once. You were walking with Melika, you both looked happy they said. They said that you looked comfortable with each other, like there was nothing more natural then walking beside one another._

_I envy that but it made me glad to know that you were happy._

_I couldn't stop thinking about it, about you. So I figured that I would purge my soul once more, even if it isn't fair to you. I have learned how to be selfish you know, it was hard to learn and I'm not very good at it but you only get better with practice or so Rosalie keeps telling me. According to her and the Rosalie rule book, a girl is allowed to be selfish every now and then._

_I graduated with the some of the highest marks in my year. I am a fully qualified anthropologist with a minor in journalism. God knows when I will be able to have a proper career. I would love to go back for my doctorate someday. I have a long way to go yet before I think I'm going to feel really safe out in the big bad world. I don't think I'll ever be able to publish papers or articles with my name on it but I think I can live with that for now._

_I have taken a job as a research assistant and am heading down to a few interesting anthropological sights in South America. The more secluded the better for my whole psycho-fuck family, if you can call it a family in the first place. Matt and Dan are going to move down permanently with me. Matt has a job in his family's business and can work from home and Dan wants to take some time off and is content enough to travel around with us for now and Rose and Emmett are taking things a day at a time._

_So am I, one day at a time. _

_So for now South America. Perhaps I will be there when they find a discovery so interesting that I can devote the next few years of my life to it. I know; pipe dreams right. I just remember a time when life was different and I had plenty of people who believed in me despite my own desire to give up. Now I am finding that I have to find a way to be strong for myself so that I can feel whole._

_I am getting to grips with being myself, it's just taking time. _

_At first I had Edward and felt that no matter who I was or what I did, I would never be good enough. I saw him as totally perfect in every way. I had no self worth, no value except for the value that he placed on me by being with me. But now I think that he valued my humanity more then he valued me, Isabella Marie Swan, he could see a reflection of his 'lost soul' in me and that, besides the whole blood thing, was my appeal. _

_You were too perfect too, wolf-boy. You were the kind of person that would never give up. You were determined that no matter what I did to you or how I damaged you that you were going to love me. But at least you were interested in me, not that I knew back then who _me _was. I'm not saying that I know myself intimately yet, I think that, that will take me a lot more time than just a few years._

_I keep morphing and changing. I learn new things about myself on a daily bases. I have people to keep me safe and I'm learning how to keep myself safe at the same time, I think that helps too. I have two camps looking out for me; Matt who feels responsible for me. He should, I guess, it was Matt's fault that I ended up in the mess I'm in now so until I decide what to do about that whole thing, he's sticking close by and Rose and Emmett don't trust him at all anymore, considering the one and only time they did I almost died._

_That was a fun chapter in my life. It's one that I am still recovering from in many ways. I don't want you to think that Matt is a bad person though. He isn't. He's just fallible like the rest of us. He made a bad choice, a mistake and it has cost us both dearly. Even his brother is paying part of the price for his choices. _

_They make each other rather uncomfortable you know, Matt and the Cullens and it can be quiet funny to watch the power plays sometimes; that is before they drag me into the middle of it. It's just hard, on one hand I could choose to allow Matt to take me back to Europe with him and be guaranteed a family and a legacy for as long as I live. I would have to settle with very little contact with my family and probably never being able to see my friends or the Cullins again. But doesn't that sound like a choice that I've been faced with before? Or I can decided that I don't want anything to do with the great Wainwright family and their legacy and take off on my own, only eventually that is going to mean really being alone. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. After all, I can't expect Emmett and Rosalie to be content following me around forever._

_It isn't realistic and it isn't fair._

_I hope the years have been as kind to you as they said they had. I hope that you're happy. I hope that you don't mind that I broke my vow of silence; I can only say that I'll try not to do it again in the near future._

_So until my next moment of weakness._

_Bella_


	2. Part 1

Thank you for your responses. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

><p>Part 1.<p>

It was hot and humid.

Breathing in and out was an effort, my skin seemed to alternate between sticky and unbearably dry. I was never comfortable anymore and it was my own fault. I had made all the decisions that had lead to my current living conditions, I had no one to blame but myself and that sucked.

Ever since moving to Peru I had felt over heated and sticky. What did I expect in a country where by mid-April it's eighty-seven degrees outside and over seventy percent humid? Add that on top of living in the middle of the rainforest and I was asking to be miserable. Perhaps these days I don't deserve to be happy.

The open windows didn't give any relief, nor did the electric fan in the corner that just spread the already hot air around in the room. It seemed as if everything conspired against me, even the layers of mosquito netting that covered my bed didn't help the feeling of claustrophobia that the damp air left sitting on my chest.

Light from the ¾ moon filtered through the window and made my heart rate pick up. My wristwatch told me that it was three o'clock in the morning. Too early for the rest of the world to be up but in my household, the rest of the world's norms could go to hell.

My muscles all felt tight, bunched and uncomfortable. Deep calming breaths weren't helping this time. I swung my legs over the side of the raised platform that I had built to make my sleeping place and stretched. The sound of shoulders and vertebrae popping was satisfying. I didn't start work for another six hours and my day would seem to stretch come noon.

The cold hard fact was, that if I wasn't asleep now, I wasn't going to go back to sleep anytime soon. It was just the way my body was set up now. These days I felt as if I maybe got one good nights sleep out of every three.

"Rosalie is boiling water for tea." Emmett nearly soundlessly opened my bedroom door and stuck his head inside.

"The boys just went out didn't they?" I gave him a pained look as I shook out then slipped my house-boots on my feet and reached for my light dressing gown. It wouldn't be long before I wouldn't be able to stop myself joining them. It was always harder close to the full moon.

"When they left, you felt it didn't you?" He asked his brow furrowing and his lips turning down in a frown that had become more and more characteristic as the years had passed. I worried my would-be protector more then I cared to think about.

"Yes." I nodded honestly as I threw my dressing gown on to cover the very thin shorts and tank-top that I wore to sleep in. Things between Matt and I hadn't been simple for a long time and for as long as my heart belonged elsewhere, I would do nothing to torture or encourage him. The one time that I had tried to forget Jacob with Matt things had ended in disaster. "I didn't ask for this Emmett and there is only so much I can do to fight my instincts. You and Rosalie should understand that better than anyone."

I placed my hand lightly on his shoulder before I walked past him, down the hall to the very small kitchen where Rosalie was standing so perfectly still that she could have in fact been a sculpture that would have made even a master cry. She belonged with Rembrandt's paintings and Michelangelo's sculptures. She was the perfect embodiment of what a woman should look like. At least I thought so.

A few years ago I would have found her stillness unnerving but now it just seemed another part of who she was. She didn't need to breathe or blink or fidget the way that mere mortals did. I found that the more I lived with them and them with me that they had become less and less shy about acting a little less than human. I am sure that my new circumstances have helped matters too. I may not be a vampire but I am definitely less than human.

"Morning Isabella." Rosalie looked up and smiled at me.

"Three am to be exact." I shrugged at her as she collected my favorite mug out of the cupboard.

had only managed to get three hours sleep, barely moved in my slumber and I was still more than aware of the fact that next to Rosalie I looked a crumpled, wrinkled mess. Rosalie on the other hand looked immaculate in a brand new outfit that she must have changed into after I had gone to sleep. Not even a hair on her head was out of place. I covered a yawn with the back of my hand.

"I told them to leave then Change elsewhere." She huffed slightly as she poured boiling water over a teabag. "But no! Matt thinks that if they stay close to home that they can protect you. Stupid, stupid, self-centered mutts! I think all they are trying to do is tempt you. Emmett and I could handle anything that could cause you any danger around here better than they could."

"It's not hard to tempt me Rose." I gave her a deadpan look. "The moon does that without their help."

"Be that as it may, it's harder on you when they Change right under your nose." I loved how she had come to defend me. It was just sad that so much had had to change before she stopped hating me.

"It's safer for them to stick close while they Change." I shrugged once she made it clear that she was done giving me a piece of her mind about the roommates that I had forced on her and Emmett. "After all, it's not their fault that I choose not to go with them."

"Perhaps they should Change less then."

"Maybe you should feed less then. Come on Rose, what Matt did was not Dan's fault and he is already being punished enough for it. Leave them what they have left of their life. Without being grudging about it."

She shrugged as she poured boiling water over a tea bag in my mug. "Emmett and I were thinking about going home for a week or two." She put a teaspoon of sugar in my tea as the smell of blueberries, cranberries, apple and camomile drifted to me. Something relaxing, Rose was hoping that I might be able to sleep again with proper encouragement. Who knew, maybe tonight it would help. "We want you to come with us. You could visit the family, they would love to see you and you could see your father. You know how much he misses you."

"Charlie being safe is contingent on me not being in Forks." I shook my head. Perhaps the tea was supposed to have more of a calming effect so I wouldn't try to kill her on the spot for making suggestions that she knew exactly how I felt about.

"Just think about it Isabella." Rosalie said as she handed me the mug and rested one stone cold hand on my shoulder. For a long while now she had refused to call me by anything but my full name."You don't have to worry about your father's safety. You will be there and Emmett and I will be with you."

"I still probably won't go." I shook my head. "I have too many artifacts to catalog and-"

"And if you went back you might have to face HIM." Emmett stated for me from the doorway.

"Well, yeah, there is that too."

"When are you going to stop hiding from him?"

"I don't know. When I feel like it?" I shrugged. What was the point in hiding reality from them? They could practically smell it when I tried to avoid that topic of conversation. "I'm not ready for that. I couldn't face him not with Melika, especially not now." I wrapped my free arm around my middle in a motion known to everyone now that it made even me cringe but I couldn't force myself to stop.

"Leave her be Emmett. Not everyone takes their glorious transformation as well as you did." Rosalie chided the big vampire. I watched them and I envied them their comfortable love and passion on an almost daily bases, some days though, it managed to give me hope. After all, both of them had lost nearly everything before they found each other. Maybe that meant that there was hope for me yet.

"How about you actually think about going with us this time Izzy, instead of just how you're going to manage to get out of it." Emmett pleaded.

"Maybe." I shrugged, my whole body going ridged as my thoughts were cut off by the audio warning system that Dan sounded. Two short barks and a howl, long and drawn out. Trouble, near home. Matt answered him and then there was an angry snarl that I didn't know.

Rose caught my mug before it hit the floor and Emmett was at the door a moment before I reached it and ripped it off its hinges in his rush to get outside and into the clearing that surrounded our dwelling.

"Matt!" I called as I flew after Emmett. The moonlight hit me almost like a physical blow as it touched my skin. A 3/4 moon, not quite a full moon or the effort I would have had to exert not to Change would have left me in agony unlike tonight's uncomfortable itch.

Matt was in the middle of the clearing, in between the house and a stranger that looked all too familiar to me as Dan worked his way back to Emmett and I. I knew what was going through his head; his older brother was in control, his job was now to make sure that I came to no harm.

They all looked so natural to me, Matt, Dan and the familiar stranger, gliding through the moonlight their fur reflecting different silvers. I knotted my fingers in Dan's fur, feeling the tenseness of his muscles, felt the quicker than average heart and respiration rates that came hand in hand with adrenaline.

I watched Matt, who had always been the larger of the two brothers, stand on guard between us and the wolf who was almost certainly his equal. That would always be Matt, I realized, standing in between what he saw as his family and his impression of almost certain danger. In another time and place, perhaps it would have been one of many things that I could have loved him for.

The other wolf, the stranger was a shifter. An easy conclusion to come to with him this close to us. He smelt of salty sea air and wood smoke. At one point in my life before the Change I had known that sent which could only mean one thing – Quileute.

Emmett had come to the same conclusion. "Quileute." He said simply as he came close to Dan and I.

"Are you sure?" I asked even though he had already confirmed my own thoughts. I focused harder on the large gray wolf, trying to remember by sight or smell which of Jacob's brothers had, had the same markings as the one in front of me.

"What do you smell?" Emmett asked me.

"Smoke, sea air and... apple pie." I hesitated after the last scent and breathed in deeply once more. No, I was right, apple pie.

"I smell wet dog." Emmett kept his voice low. "That is not a werewolf. That is a flea bitten Quileute mutt!"

Emmett was right, a fact that I had been afraid of. Every sense and all the logic that I had tried to reason with told me the same thing over and over again. I guess I didn't want it to be true. At least the wolf in front of me wasn't russet. I sighed, suddenly feeling a little weak. That was one of Jacob's Pack brothers and I was going to have to face him.

"Matt, leave him be, he's a friend, not a threat!" I called as one of Dan's paws covered my foot and applied pressure. He whined. "I know, me either but the likelihood is he won't leave until he's said his bit. Go, we'll all meet in the living room." I said softly to him before pointing my finger at the stranger. "That goes for you too Quileute. We will talk like humans here. Emmett will show you in once you're clothed."

With that I turned, wrapping my arms around myself for protection as I passed Rosalie and went into the kitchen through the door-less doorway.

'_I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready!'_

It played on loop in my head as I closed the door to my room. My breath caught in the throat, my chest tightened painfully and tears quickly sprang to my eyes.

_'I'm not ready. I can't breathe. I'm not ready, I'm not ready!'_

My hand reached out and gripped the sleeping platform as the other massaged circles between my breasts.

"Isabella?" Rosalie's voice called softly from the other side of the door.

_'I'm not ready , I'm not ready! I can't breathe!'_

My mind was screaming at me as I gasped and closed my eyes sharply, the tears still leaking from the corners of my eyes as my knees buckled and I found myself kneeling on the ground by my bed.

"Isabella!" Ice cold hands gripped my shoulders as I desperately fought to draw in miniscule amounts of air into my lungs.

"What the – oh shit!" Ice cold hands were replaced by warms ones and I was pressed to a warm chest that rhythmically moved, giving me a rhythm to anchor myself to as I gasped and struggled for air.

I closed my out ward senses off and let my mind drift, absorbing the smell of cut grass and rain on hot tarmac. I clung to the things that reminded me very uniquely of Matt. His scent. His heat. His heart beat. The crooning noises that he made at the back of his throat when he was trying to comfort me.

I don't know how long it took until my breathing came easy again and I became aware of the world outside of Matt's influence. First of the ice cold hand resting on my lower leg. Second the wet nose that had inserted itself into my palm. Lastly murmuring voices that barely reached above a whisper.

"Panic attack." Rosalie said. Probably in answer to a question that had been asked.

"How long has she been like this?" The voice that didn't fit asked. It was rich, an accented baritone. The voice, the voice, the voice. I didn't want to look up to see which Quileute it was. I didn't think I needed to, I just needed a moment to -.

"From what we understand, since Edward left her. Jacob was very effective at keeping them at bay, but when she lost him, she spiraled again for a while. They are very rare now. It must have been your arrival that set this one off." Emmett's voice.

"We all thought she was moving on, coping. There haven't been any letters, we thought that meant-" The strange voice said seemingly in shock. No, not strange, not strange at all. Our visitor was Embry Call one of Jacob's very best friends. With a handful of Matt's t-shirt in my fist as a way to steady and anchor myself I looked around at the four expectant faces. One wolf, three human.

"Hello Embry." I said testing how the words felt on my tongue.

"Hey vampire girl." Embry smiled weakly at me. He looked the same to me and yet different, he hadn't lost his youthful face but he looked older somehow. It was enough to make me wonder why, what was going on with the Pack.

"You look older." I stated.

"You almost got a tan!" He replied. Then we were laughing. Despite the disapproval on Rosalie's face, the look of confusion on Emmett and Matt's, we were laughing. Laughing like nothing had ever been funnier before.

I laughed until tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes and then turned to real tears. Not the sobbing kind of tears. The kind of tears that appear slow and constant and then I moved myself from Matt's arms and into Embry's. His skin was hot, feverish but for a moment, I clung to him and was reminded of another.

"What are you doing here?" I asked suddenly and sharply as I pushed away from him. The joy of seeing someone from Jacob's and my shared past was over, now all I felt was anger. I had also become acutely aware that we, my entire psycho- fuck family, plus a Quileute shape-shifter were in various states of standing, sitting and crouching in my bedroom.

My personal space!

Rosalie seemed to sense my discomfort and clapped her hands together before Embry was able to open his mouth to speak. "As comfortable as I am sure we are all here on the floor," there was disdain in the way she said 'floor'. "I didn't create and decorate a living room for it not to be used. Isabella come help me make tea, boys, play nicely."

With that she took my hand, hauled me to my feet and marched me out of my own room and back into the kitchen. My favorite mug, unshattered, sat abandoned on the counter top. The liquid in it was long cold.

"How long?" I looked at her and demanded.

"You were pretty bad this time." She gave me a sympathetic look. "Forty minutes probably. It took Matt a long time to get you to relax long enough so you could start to breathe again. You seemed to black out for a while."

"I'm sorry." I looked at my feet and shook my head.

"We just worry about you. Emmett and I would even accept you ending up with Matt and becoming a part of his Clan if it meant that you were happy." She reached out and pushed my hair out of my face so she could see me better.

Rosalie was not what everyone thought she was at first glance. I had thought of her as the world's most beautiful bitch. I couldn't have been more right or more wrong. In her I had found an unlikely friend and allie. The tragic circumstances in her life that had led to her turning had hardened her but only to keep her heart safe. When she opened her heart to someone it was to care deeply and caring cost her soul more then she could sometimes bare.

"Isabella, we can send him away." She offered but she knew as well as I did that now the Pack had found me, they would make themselves pests until we found out what it was that they really wanted from me.

"He has come this far, it's only fair we hear him out." I said with a sigh. Selfishly I wanted to hear what he could tell me of my old family. Call it, self mutilation if you will but I couldn't make myself stop caring about the Pack, not even after the way they had all turned their backs on me.

"Okay." She nodded.

Five minutes later, we reconvened in the living room. Rosalie passed out tea to everyone but Emmett and Embry. Embry got a coffee. It was funny what I remembered about the boy's preferences in hot drinks.

"Do you want my explanation now Bella?" Embry asked, looking serious.

I nodded as I sat next to Matt on the couch, my mug cradled in my hands so I wouldn't revert to my most classic of poses. Dan had chosen for whatever reason to remain a wolf, Matt had probably asked him just encase things got messy, and had draped his long body across my feet after I had sat down. Protected, he was stating at the same time as Matt draped an arm around my shoulders in a gesture that was meant to comfort me and send a very clear message to our uninvited guest.

As much as the independent streak in me had grown to hate these sort of possessive gestures, I didn't find myself resenting them as the after effects of my panic attack made me feel tense and exhausted. Tonight I would accept the comfort that my crazy family could offer me.

"You probably wouldn't mind understanding the lay of the land here too." I offered a half smile of encouragement.

"Yeah, I figured that we would get to why you're not only living with veggie vampires but werewolves too and why you've not mentioned that fact in your letters." He flashed me an easy going smile that reminded me of the much more youthful Embry Call that I had known what seemed like a lifetime ago. I glanced over at Emmett who was trying to suppress a chuckle at what I can only assume was being called a veggie vampire. "So I'll get right to it. Melika sent me."

My blood ran cold.


	3. Part 2

Again thanks for the reviews...I am traveling across country right now and will try to update as soon as possible.

Thanks

* * *

><p>Part 2<p>

"Melika?" The need to escape rose like bile in my throat. I looked over at Rosalie and Emmett as if I could have them do something so I could run. I was sure, given enough of a head start that I could out run the Quileute.

When I realized that I would be unable to do that, the desire to fold in on myself was so strong that I found myself pressing my body against Matt's side. He was my anchor and I was shamelessly using him to keep myself strong.

I took a big gulp of my tea, my eyes watering as my mouth burned from contact with the hot liquid. I nearly choked as I swallowed.

"We don't talk about _them_ or _you_ here." Matt's voice sounded tense which I knew to be my fault. He was reacting to my reaction.

"Matt!" I hissed trying to keep my voice steady. In all of the wild day dreams that I had had in my lifetime, Melika sending for me was never one that I have imagined. "Why Embry?"

"They asked us to leave you alone Bella. Sam, Jacob and the Elders that is. Jacob said that you had made it very clear that, that was what you wanted. When we shifted we could all see your words clearly enough in his head, it was all he could think about every time one of your letters came." He leaned toward me, his elbows resting on his knees and the palms of his hands facing upward in a gesture of openness.

"Then why the hell are you here? Do you typically have a hard time respecting other people's requests?" Matt snapped.

"Bella, can we lose the asshole?" Embry clenched his jaws together and did his best to suppress a growl that was starting in his chest.

"You're one of the assholes buddy!" Matt countered and Dan got to is feet growling. "So much for Pack meaning family among Quileutes. You all abandoned her, broke her then left her and you have the audacity to call one of her family, her Clan an asshole for standing up for her like you never did?" I clutched my mug in the hand that belonged with the arm that was wrapped through Matt's as I dove forward for a handful of Dan's ruff, knowing that it was only by sheer force of will that I could keep them close to me. This was one of the fundamentals of being Clan or family; there was always, without fail a quick defense of that family.

"Enough!" Rosalie snapped. "Matt, sit and listen nicely or leave. Embry understand that you have no defense for you or your pack's actions among this family and take that into consideration as you speak. If neither of you will comply, I will happily snap both of your necks before you make another sound."

"Matt," I breathed in a soothing tone, "You don't know Quileutes. If we don't hear him out, he won't leave us be. Besides, Embry isn't the bad guy. He was always a friend before Jacob imprinted." I wasn't about to allow a fight. The Quileutes wolves were notorious for their short tempers and Rosalie had been itching for retribution from Matt for too long and cared even less for the Quileute Pack. "Lets just talk like the adults we are supposed to be."

"If that's what you want." Matt nodded tight lipped.

"We've deliberately left you alone Bella. It's what you wanted and it helped that you would write to Jacob and we knew that you were with Rosalie and Emmett. We might not mix with veggie vamps but Jacob always said that Rosalie was the only one that ever pushed you to stay human, so we figured you were as safe as you ever were going to be." Embry's posture loosened once Matt had stopped heckling him. "You not being around, it never has sat well with Jake but he had the letters so..."

"Then why are you here Embry?" I asked.

"Melika asked me to come get you. Jake isn't right Bella, hasn't been for a very long time. It's getting worse. He's gotten reckless, more and more so all the time. We aren't sure if he's trying to find a way to get himself killed or one of us killed. No one can control him. He almost got Seth Clearwater killed right before I left." He shuddered at the memory and me right along with him. A world without Jacob or even Seth just seemed so wrong. "We are all agreed. The whole of the Pack, well except for Sam and Jacob and the Elders. You are the only one that can help him. It's always only been you"

"Why should I?" I was surprised to find my voice cold. Wasn't it always what I wanted to hear that Jake was still _my_ Jake. That he still needed me in even a fraction of the way that I had found that I needed him. "You boys didn't need me around, didn't matter I practically saw you as family. Sam made that perfectly clear when Jake imprinted on _that girl_." I couldn't bring myself to say her name out loud again. "There was nothing that I had to give or offer that she couldn't do for him and all you boys and more besides."

"It's not true though Bella. We are only now beginning to understand how imprinting works. It's so much different than we ever thought. We have all missed you! We just thought it was easier for you not to have any of us around." He protested, looking over at the still forms of Rosalie and Emmett as if for support before coming back to me.

"That doesn't answer my question Embry. I have a job, a home and a life. Why should I leave all that for him when he most likely would still rather have no reminders of a rather painful past?" I rephrased my question.

"It's so complicated. I don't understand all of it. Melika is the only one who can explain it to you properly. Those of us in the Pack aren't allowed to talk about imprinting with outsiders anymore, Alpha orders. Please, just come home long enough for her to explain. If you do I will personally put you on the first plane home if you don't like what you hear." He looked desperate. "Bella, please! Jake. He still..." I watched him choke on his words, a vain practically popping out on his temple before he finally gave up. I had seen that once or twice before, when Jacob had first phased and he had tried to tell me what was going on.

A piece of my heart throbbed for him and then thawed.

"Okay Embry." I barely whispered and felt Matt stiffen beside me.

"But Bella, he almost destroyed us all once. He's trying to again and all..." He looked over at Matt sharply as the elder of the two brothers cut him off.

"She said okay, you selfish son of a bitch!" Matt snapped.

"Oh." Embry looked beaten and tired. I knew how he felt. I was suddenly exhausted, weary to the bone and my insides ached. I wanted to find a quite, dark place to hide so I could wrap my arms around myself while I tried to come to terms with what I had just volunteered myself for.

Going back to Forks, Washington was a heart ache that had never healed. It was two gaping holes inside me, two very different holes but holes none the less that would not mend themselves. Going 'home' was going to be like pouring salt on them. Jacob and Edward, they had once been my sun and my moon, so very different from each other. I loved them both but so very differently from each other.

"You should try to get some sleep Bella. I'll make all the arrangements. When do you want to leave?" Rosalie asked. Emmett stood as still as a statue carved from marble, no reaction viable on his form except for the fact that he wasn't reacting at all. They would talk together later I was sure, when there were no other ears nearby to hear their private opinions.

"I dunno, whenever." I shrugged.

"We're going too." Matt untangled himself from my side and suddenly, I felt cold and alone. "We aren't leaving her."

He looked down at me and smiled. My lips wobbled as I tried to return his kindness but I found it much easier in the end to bite my lip and take the hand that he extended to me so he could help me onto my feet. His hand held mine firmly and I drew a little strength through the connection he had created with our hands. His brow creased a little.

"Feel free to take the couch Embry." I looked over at the 6ft 6 inch tall Quileute. He was still staring at me like be couldn't believe that he had completed his mission so quickly or successfully. "I know that it's not the largest but it does fold out into a bed."

"But Bella how...?" He tried to ask his question, a hand gesturing at Dan who stood at my side. He was nowhere as impressive in size as his brother but he was still the size of a small pony and very obviously a werewolf to boot.

"I will explain when we get home. No point in the pack knowing my business before I want them to." I replied. I turned then and left him to the mercy of Rose and Emmett, Matt and Dan at my side. It seemed as if they were going to be my constant shadows and I couldn't bring myself to be anything but relieved about it.

I've never known wild wolves. Real ones I mean. I've seen them in the zoo or on television. I've watched the discovery channel and been awed by their natural power and grace but I've never been in the woods and just come across them. I wish I had had the chance just once, I might have understood the brothers so much better.

Werewolves on the other hand are everywhere I look. My best friend had funky genetics that turned him into a giant russet colored wolf that was far larger than its wild counterparts. He wasn't the only one, apparently Quileutes deliberately bred teenagers that grew to great heights and appeared to be on steroids so they could turn into massive wolves to defend their tribe and lands from other supernatural creatures that went bump in the night.

Then I met Matt and Dan. They were the polar opposites to the Quileute Pack that I had left behind in so many ways. They were fair skinned with light brown hair and ice blue eyes. They were both tall and athletically built but even Matt who stood the tallest at 6ft 4 inches wasn't noticeably above average high. They looked very much like their European ancestors and should have reminded me forcefully of Edward but it was hard for me not to compare Matt to Jacob from the start.

That is, the comparison was easy until I allowed my broken heart to allow progressions with Matt that had only ended up hurting us both.

Being close with me always ends badly for those who are. Matt was not blameless, I carry a scar from him that changed the course of my life but I was the reason that his Clan all but turned their backs on him completely. Out of friendship and a guilty understanding of how it felt to be alone I wouldn't let the brothers wonder, for good or bad our fates would be tied together for as long as they were willing to stay together.

Emmett called our living arrangements a psycho-fuck family. I couldn't have agreed with him more.

I may have refused the Clan, I may struggle with and hate who I have become at times but I don't miss the feeling of loneliness that I had before Matt came into my life. It was selfish I realized as Dan jumped up onto my bed and lay down with his head on his paws and his brother sat down next to him. They were solid and ever present in my life but I couldn't commit to Matt or his Clan the way they had committed to me.

"I don't feel ready for this." I stated as I sat between them, my very faithful friends. Dan whined and moved closer to me so that all three of us were touching at multiple contact points.

Wolves are social creatures. Ever watch a wolf pack? There are all sorts of social interactions. There is a pecking order but every member is valued. They touch each other a lot, to greet to reassure to communicate and to reestablish bonds. They play, they fight and defend, and they hunt but always as a pack, always together.

"Then why are we going?" Matt asked. Sensible as always, but Matt didn't really believe in doing things that didn't make sense.

There was no easy answer and there certainly wasn't an answer that everyone would like. No matter how I might eventually settle in my life, it was Jacob that would forever hold my heart no matter how cruel that was. If I ever held the power in my hands to protect and care for him I wouldn't be able to refuse him.

"Because Jacob needs me." I answered as I curried into his side and letting his warmth and strength settle into my core. Matt was born to lead, he was supposed to lead one of the largest Clans in the United States and Europe but now, because of me, he would only be Alpha of a pack that he created

"I'm going to have to get used to you drawing on Clan power aren't I?" He allowed.

"I can try not to." I stammered, suddenly feeling like I had lost a little of my equilibrium. "I didn't mean, it just felt...I'm sorry." I ended lamely. Dan made a wolf like snort and Matt chuckled.

"What?" I asked, my face burning red with embarrassment.

"You still have a lot to learn Iz, Clan power is yours by right, it feels natural and right to draw on the strength of the members of your Clan and not only for you either. You've just been so resistant up until now that I'm not used to it. It's how we all draw comfort and extra strength from each other." Matt smiled indulgently at me and my blush slowly faded.

"I'm tired already." I confided in him, my awareness from waking up had left me in the excitement of the last couple of hours. His arm tightened around me and I let my head sink down to his shoulder.

"Lay down and try to rest then." He replied and his brother stood to give me my space.

"Don't leave." I implored as I did as I was told. Settling a pillow under my head. Dan didn't need to be told twice, he flopped down on the bed again, his head resting on my knee. I reached out and gratefully sunk a hand in the fur on his back. He sighed and I looked over at his brother.

Matt was observing us with quiet speculation. I couldn't say that I blamed him. Dan and my relationship was as easy as breathing. It always had been, the same way that my relationship with Seth or even Emmett had always been; he was as easy to rough-house with as he had been easy to curl up on the couch next to. Things had never been so easy for Matt and I. If it hadn't been for Jacob and before him Edward, I could have fallen in love with a man like Mathew Wainwright but as much as I loved him in many ways I could not force Jacob out of my heart in favor of him.

It felt too much like settling.

"I'll get us packed." He stood, a hand still resting on my ankle like he didn't want to break contact quiet yet.

"You could stay too." I yawned, my offer real.

"Maybe once I've gathered Dan's and my clothes together. I should talk to Rose about travel and living arrangements while we're away anyway." He gave me a quick squeeze before turning to leave. Dan whined softly as his brother flicked off the light and I closed my eyes. That was Matt, always looking out for the future, looking after his brother and I. He was Alpha; it was his job to be in control.

I closed my eyes and I dreamt.

I dreamt of Jacob.

I dreamt of another life

In my dreams I remembered what it felt like to be wrapped in the warmth of his arms, how his deep brown eyes shifted between the color of chocolate and the very blackest of nights. I remembered his laugh, how it could fill a whole room and warm it. I remembered and remembered in a sea of dreams. I remembered how it felt to have his lips pressed ever so perfectly against mine.

I dreamt about the dreams that I had for us that had never come to pass. The cottage I had seen just outside of tribal land, it was old and decaying when I had first noticed it, but had once been white with green trim. I had first noticed it when I thought that Edward was my world and never entertained the thoughts of how it could look. After all, life with Edward was meant to be grandiose, larger than life. Regardless, I found that I still dreamed of it looking different, restored with rocking chairs on the wraparound porch, flower gardens and a low stone wall to protect its boundaries. I had fallen in love with the building instantly.

I had shown it to Jacob once, he had laughed with indulgent delight, as I drug him over to the boarded up windows and talked incessantly about the life the house deserved in a cover up for what I hoped so strongly for myself. Children, laughter, family at Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving. I talked about a couple growing old and rocking back and forward on those matched chairs as grandchildren played among the roses.

My dream, our dream...

It all went dark for me, the images in my dreams disappeared to nothing and I woke to tears making their way slowly down my cheeks as a hand held mine tightly. I looked up into Dan's face and gave him a weak smile.

"Bad dreams?" He asked frowning.

"No, just old empty ones." I took a deep breath and swiped at my cheeks with my free hand.

"Matt said that we have to leave in about an hour for the airport. Rosalie is just finishing with Embry's travel papers. He didn't exactly arrive in a typical fashion. Matt packed us all clothes even you, especially after Emmett reminded him that Alice had an entire wardrobe of your clothes at their house." His gray eyes were sparkling with laughter and I allowed myself to laugh with him for a moment.

It was true. Alice loved to use me as a dress-up doll and it annoyed Rosalie to no end too. I had an entire walk in closet full of the most beautiful and expensive ware any girl could ever want and very little made me feel comfortable in my own skin. Matt knew it to and would have grabbed a selection of my favorites from home to complement the selection that she would try and put me in.

"Don't tell him." I asked after his explanation.

"What?" His brow creased, not immediately catching my drift.

"That I was crying." I answered.

"Oh." He took a breath. "He doesn't need to worry any more than he already does." Dan released my hand to get a firmer grasp on my arm so that I he could help me up. I smiled at him and he nudged me with his shoulder. He was usually my co-conspirator and it felt good to know that I could trust in him.

There was a knock on the door and I quickly wiped sleep from my eyes before Embry's face peeked around. He didn't look like he had gotten much rest while I had been having my sad dreams. I didn't honestly think that a massive Quileute would sleep well on that little couch even with the bed pulled out.

"You must be Dan." He offered Dan his hand as Dan stood to greet him for the first time, human form to human form.

"Did you sleep well?" Dan asked more out of courtesy than anything.

"I have slept better." Embry admitted with a sheepish grin that reminded me a little more of him then what I had seen the night before. "Honest truth is it's been too quiet in my head lately. The farther away I get from the pack, the less I hear them; you might think it would be a relief until it happens to you."

Dan looked at him blankly and I sighed.

"They are a hive mind when they are all Changed together." I filled in the blanks for him and Embry's brow wrinkled. "It's the difference between European werewolves and Native American shape-shifters." I explained but his brow only creased further. I shook my head. "Don't worry about it now; there will be plenty of time to explain on the airplane."

Traveling on the Cullen expense fund is nothing short of luxurious. First class all the way with all the perks, free drinks, free personal movies and plenty of leg room if you are five foot six inches. Matt and Dan promptly fell asleep; it was their way of dealing with air travel. Rose snuggled up to Emmett and they whispered together so low that even my now sensitive hearing couldn't take in what they were saying but they looked happy. I was sat in an aisle seat next to a very nervous Embry who had been gripping the arm rests of his chair so tightly that I was surprised to see that they were not bent into the shape of his fingers.

"You can relax you know." I smiled at him.

"I have so many questions for you Bella." He grimaced at me but loosened his grip on his seat a little.

"You can ask me questions, I may not answer them all though."

"I'll start simple then. Why don't they call you Bella?"

"I was trying to reinvent myself." I chuckled. "Easy first step, change your nickname."

"Why Peru?"

"As good a place as any and the anthropology in the regain is interesting to me." I answered with a slight shrug. I wasn't about to mention that it was nice to be so far away from Washington too.

"Explain what you meant about the differences between European and American werewolves." His next question was a harder one to answer.

"I didn't say both were werewolves." I clarified as the air-stewardess came around offering beverages. I ordered a tea and Embry a coffee and they were handed to us. I stirred my tea, watching the teabag float in circles as I gathered my thoughts. "I said that there were some very real differences between European werewolves and Native American shape-shifters."

"Ok, I'll bite." He nodded for me to continue.

"Over Thanksgiving in my Master's year of college, I was given access to Matt and Dan's home library. Their family is very old and as you saw 100% genetic werewolves. So just like you and the Pack they were born what they are. Unlike you they have been Changing since puberty and will Change until the day they die." I took a sip of my tea and grimaced as the hot liquid scolded my tongue. "What I found out that was very interesting Native Americans do not retain the werewolf gene well. They can be Made but they do not pass the gene along through parentage."

"Made?" He queried.

"Werewolves are either genetic like Matt and Dan whose whole family have been werewolves since the dawning of time or they have to be Made It's not all that different from becoming a vampire. To be Made, you must be bitten." I answered. "Clans rarely make werewolves any more. There is little reason to expand the gene pool since the Roman Catholic Church moved out of popularity and stopped hunting and killing them."

"Okay." He nodded again. "But all these families came from Europe?"

"Yes." I answered. "They tried making the native populations of America into werewolves, looking for new and exotic genes for the pool. Only it didn't work that way, your people don't pass along the gene because you already have your own very specific gene that you are passing along. You all are shape-shifters. Well not all of you but a lot of you carry the right gene even if they don't shift like you do. You and your brothers have the ability to change into whatever creature you wish."

"So I could sprout feathers and fly or gills and swim underwater?" I was about to nod my conformation of this fact thinking that he took it as seriously as I did when he started to laugh. I realized then that he was laughing at my knowledge, not agreeing with it. He was too set in his belief that he was a werewolf.

I had to bite back a growl of irritation. Why had I thought he would listen to me or take me seriously? I was challenging generations of Quileute lore and history that had been passed down through the years by word of mouth through the most respected of elders.

"Perhaps you should try and get some rest." I snapped, finished with our question and answer session. His face quickly sobered as I pulled out a folder of photographed artifacts that I had brought with me to do catalog descriptions for.

"Bella?" He tried his voice soft and his face contrite.

"Get some rest Embry. I have work to do." I replied, popping my ear buds in and busing myself with the photographs for the rest of our flight.


	4. Part 3

The move went smoothly. So while we wait for the moving van to arrive, I thought I would write some more.

Enjoy

* * *

><p>Part 3<p>

We were met by Alice and Edward in Seattle. They had both driven so that there would be enough room for all of us to get to their home in one trip. We would all be gathering at the Cullen household for the first two nights of our stay in Washington. After that Matt and I would be taking up residence with my father for the remainder of our time at home. It had been a long time since I had enjoyed the company of my father and with Matt's presence to calm me I was truly looking forward to it.

When we met Alice and Edward in the parking garage, Alice fluttered around us all like a hummingbird, colorful and fully of excitement. Edward stood back, his hands tucked away in the pockets of his khaki slacks, golden eyes searching for mine as we moved closer. He was unchanging, hair carelessly styled, clothing neat and crisp. As always, he was in control of who he was. Even though we had spoken so much in the last two years so much had changed in my life that I had forgotten how unchanging in physicality that he actually was.

I offered him a smile as we approached and he reached for my light duffel. He still loved me, his love was as unchanging as he was and I knew it. Even my new condition hadn't been able to stop that and in a way I still loved him in return, just not the way that he wished I still did.

"Hi." I said softly, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly to me. He returned the gesture one-armed, careful I was sure not to breathe too deeply or squeeze too tightly. He always said that he was sure that my scent would be as alluring as ever when we met again.

"It's good to see you." He managed in return, releasing me to take in the rest of my travel companions. He nodded to his siblings, probably reading their greetings right out of their heads as Alice launched herself on me and Embry folded himself into the backseat of her car.

"We'll catch up when we get home!" She promised me as she let me go so that I could interfere in the introductions that were taking place between Edward and the two brothers that were now apart of my family if it became necessary.

Although Matt and Dan had met and spent a lot of time with the rest of the Cullen family, they had never met Edward before. It had been deemed too dangerous by Esme up until there was no choice in the matter. She was right, the air was charged and it felt dangerous to me too, especially with the knowledge that Edward still saw me in an overly protective way. I was sure that Matt felt it too; after all he was extending his hand to one of his natural born enemies. The handshake lasted a moment longer then was necessary and I could see them sizing each other up, Matt with his eyes and Edward using his ability to peel back what layers he could reach in Matt's mind.

"I'll hold you both to that." Edward finally released his hand, the handshake between him and Dan was much less aggressive but Dan wasn't Alpha, he wasn't meant to be a fighter, he was a scout, submissive in comparison and therefore of little threat to any other predator without the backing of his Clan.

"Well, now that, that's over can we getting moving? I could really use a shower." I moved to the passenger side door of Edward's silver Volvo and slid in. My announcement cut through the tension as Edward closed the door for me and everyone else folded into the car.

The drive home was uneventful. What should have taken three and a half hours, took less than two in true Cullen driving style. Classical music drifted out of the Volvo's stereo and Edward kept up a pleasant amount of small talk chatter, mostly with Dan, every now and then including me in their conversation. Matt was silent, memorizing the areas we were passing.

Nervous butterflies did aerial acrobatics in my gut and chest as the landmarks became more and more familiar to me. I was going home for the first time since I had left for collage. I was nervous to see what had changed in our small town, perhaps more so to realize what hadn't. In more ways than one, I would probably never be ready for my journey into my rather painful past.

"You okay love?" Edward's voice was soft and the endearment rolled off his tongue so easily. I could feel his eyes boring into me as we drove through Fork's main street.

"I think so." I turned to him, not in the least bit unnerved by the fact that he wasn't completely focused on the road. He had driven me too many places too many times for me to feel nervous now. "It's strange, coming back here. This place feels like it belongs to a different me from a very different kind of time." I felt comfortable with him, unafraid to speak to my innermost feelings. I had never been afraid to speak truthfully to him after our relationship had changed for the final time.

I felt Matt's hand descend on my shoulder, the tips of his fingers digging lightly into my flesh in a gesture of reassurance. I placed my hand over his, appreciating the quiet strength that he had to offer me. I was with family, he was letting me know, and I was safe.

"Nothing much has changed drastically around here. Your old friend Angela opened up a little hippie boutique that seems to be doing reasonably well. Mike took over the family business with his older sister and that's about all the notable changes." Edward mentioned as if the knowledge would somehow help the acrobats in my stomach.

"How's Charlie been?" I inquired after my father. My own phone conversations with him were always brief with very little important information relayed. Mostly news about the weather, more and more rain, reassurance that he wasn't just eating red meat, he only went to the diner about once a week, no him and Billy still weren't speaking and yes he was totally fine.

Edward however would know better than I did. His family still watched over my father. Just encase the deal that I struck wasn't honored.

There was always a just encase especially in my life.

"He's fine love." He reassured me. "Knows to expect you in the next couple of days. He let Alice pick up your truck so you'd have it to drive while you were here."

"You never said you owned a truck." Dan said.

"It wasn't much use to me in Peru. It's a very old Chevy four speed. Not much of a commuter vehicle." I laughed. Even I had to admit though that I loved that old truck. "It's more that it has character."

We pulled off the main road into the long driveway that led to the Cullen family's glass house. It almost felt like a home coming and I couldn't help but be excited to see Esme and Carlisle, even Jasper although our relationship was as tense as always.

"So what is the order of business?" I asked as we pulled into the empty car port alongside my rusty orange truck and got out of our respective cars.

"Since Edward got you from the airport, I'm kidnapping you and getting you ready for your meeting tonight!" Alice seemed to flutter to my side, weaving her arm through mine. I smiled at her as we all moved into the house and I tried to ignore Rosalie's smirk.

"What meeting Alice?" I queered.

"I'm taking you to see Melika tonight." Embry said.

"So soon?" I frowned at him.

"No point in me sticking around here longer then I need to and if you don't like what you hear, I need time to separate these memories and lock them up so that Jacob doesn't know anyone from the pack had any contact with you. No point hurting everyone." He shrugged, clearly very uncomfortable with such a large group of vampires. To be fair I was always a little in awe of how well the Clan wolves had adjusted to the Cullens. Up until today they had often been surrounded by all but Edward.

"I guess." I nodded as he slipped out into the yard. My stomach clenched tightly and I felt the urge to be sick.

"You and Dan should go with Jasper to run the treaty line so you know the lay of the land." Alice suggested as Jasper appeared at the stairway at the same time as Esme and Carlisle showed up in the doorway into the living room, all smiles in greeting.

Matt nodded his agreement as Rose and Emmett greeted the rest of their family. "You going to be okay Iz?" He looked at me, his face serious.

"I'll be fine." I replied, squeezing Alice's cold arm. "Anyway, I want to make sure that I look good before I have to make my way to enemy territory. I certainly can't do that with you boys looking over my shoulder." It was false bravado but it was what I had to hide behind.

"Okay." Matt nodded and Rosalie snorted at something that Carlisle said. "Don't leave tonight until we get back." Matt put a hand on either of my shoulders before planting a light kiss on my forehead.

"Coming with?" I kept my voice light even though I felt a sudden sense of relief settle into my nerves.

"Of course I am." He nodded, giving my shoulders one last squeeze before turning and leaving with Dan and Jasper. With their departure I turned and allowed myself the comfort of falling into Esme's arms and the greetings the rest of my extended family.

An hour and a half later I found myself in the shower, enjoying the mercilessly hot water as I washed away the sweat of months in the Amazon. It was nice to have the knowledge that I wasn't going to step out of the shower to dry off only to feel like I wanted to get back in again. In a few minutes I would have to turn myself over into the very capable and fashionable Alice's hands for a makeover that I hoped wouldn't leave me feeling like I wasn't myself.

Esme had tried to reassure me before I had headed toward the shower.

Apparently relations between the Cullens and the Pack had been quite good in the last couple of years. That wasn't to say that the Pack openly trusted them but they no longer loathed them like they once had. Emily and Melika had had a big part in that and Esme said that she found Melika to be a good solid sort of person who was really quite sensible. The little bit of jealous dislike that I had for her didn't like that favorable description from a woman I almost saw as another mother.

I turned the hot water off and stepped out, grabbing a robe to wrap around my body. I looked in the mirror and sighed. I didn't look like much but I never had not with my brown eyes, brown hair and almost boyish build. My hair had gotten longer then I realized, reaching almost to the top of my hips and my normally pale skin had actually taken on a little color since my radical change but not enough to call a proper tan. It was my lot in life to be as close to milk white as possible.

I tried to shake off the feeling of not being good enough as I towel dried my hair and walked from the bathroom into what would normally be Edward's room. While I was in town he had given up his space for me while using the music room for any personal time. It was something that I was grateful for and that was very much in keeping with the person that I remembered him to be. Chivalrous to a fault.

Alice was lounging on the bed, flipping nonchalantly through one of the gossip magazines that I didn't really care much for. She had probably been waiting for me the whole thirty minutes that I had been in the shower. Time passed at a different speed for her then it did for me, maybe as I got older and the years passed it I would find time to be less of a big deal too but I doubted it.

"Good! Now we can get started before Esme insists that you sit down to eat." She practically clapped her hands together in delight.

"Alice, do you have any idea what is wrong with Jacob?" I asked knowing already that she probably didn't have any more knowledge on the subject then I did but sometimes she got weird flashes where the Quileutes were concerned.

"I wish I did but you know what my visions are like when the wolf boys are involved." She put down her magazine and gave me a half smile. "I can't imagine that this is easy for you. But I'm glad that you're here. I do miss you Bella." She put a hand on my bare shoulder, purposefully not engulfing me in a hug so as not to give me a chill. Edward and Alice were the only ones that refused me my name change, to them I would forever be Bella and there was something reassuring in that, like I hadn't lost everything about my past.

"I miss you too Alice." I gave her as bright a smile as I could manage and let her drag me toward the closet.

She left me digging around through my duffel bag for underwear while she started trying to work out the perfect combination of clothes for me to wear out to the last place on earth that I voluntarily wanted to go. As I put combination after combination of skirts, slacks, jeans, t-shirts, blouses and sweaters on, I could smell what Esme and Rosalie were cooking in the kitchen, could hear the sound of Emmett laughing at something someone said and from the deepest recesses of the house Edward's piano, playing lightly into the evening. There was something soothing about it, almost like it was my idea of normal.

"Alice, it's time for Isabella to eat!" Rosalie's voice floated up stairs to where I was sitting now fully dressed in dark blue jeans and a cream sweater made by some designer who I had never heard of which complemented what little sun my skin absorbed.

"She'll be down in a minute. I just finished." She called back as I inspected her work. She had done my hair up in a loose fishbone braid that fell over my shoulder and even though she had spent nearly twenty minutes applying makeup, it was simple, natural hues that complemented the shape of my lips and color of my eyes.

For a moment, looking in the mirror I almost believed that I looked beautiful.

"Thank you." I smiled at her as I stood and we walked down to the giant dining room table. The boys were back from their run and looked like they had had time to freshen up while I had been being made over and were busy eating when I arrived, even Embry was eating with them looking a little more relaxed then he had earlier.

"There is plenty, don't let the boys make you think any different" Esme handed me a plate of spaghetti with all the trimmings and I suddenly couldn't help but feel that perhaps cream was going to be the wrong color to go with dinner, especially when you were still slightly accident prone as I tend to be.

I smiled at her and she sat across the table from me, her hands folded neatly in front of her. She looked every inch like she couldn't be over thirty and yet she had the feel of a mother about her. It was something that I had always appreciated about her. She adopted strays and loved them with a fierce passion that made loneliness seem very far away.

"Dan, I want you to go ahead and stay at the boundary line." Matt was saying as I took my first bite of spaghetti. "There is a lot of land to traverse but Melika's home isn't too far from a corner of Cullen territory by that little stream we passed. If we have to make a break for it, I would prefer to have my backup waiting for us there."

"I doubt there will be any trouble. There is a big Pack meeting at Sam and Emily's tonight. They usually last a long time. So long as you're gone before midnight you aren't going to run into Jacob or the others." Embry looked a touch annoyed. "Anyway, it's not like they will purposefully hurt her."

"How are you finding Peru?" Esme asked me to pull my attention away from the boy's talk of tactics.

"Hot and humid." I replied, carefully taking small bites of the supper she had prepared for me. "The dig sight is interesting but my job is mostly cataloging the artifacts that are found. It's mostly a lot of pottery, some bone fragments, none of which have been human yet. That's rather disappointing for my boss."

"Not exactly what you thought you would be doing with your degree?" She probed.

"Perhaps not but it's good enough for now." I shrugged. "I have time to figure out the rest later. It's been a good place to keep to myself."

"Are you happy though?" Her perfect brow creased and I felt a twinge of guilt. So many people worried about me and I had no way of truly easing their concern. Part of me was damaged and taking a long time to heal but to say that I was totally unhappy would be a lie.

"Content." I offered.

"But Matt, I'm faster than you. You should be our backup on the treaty line." Dan's protested made me look sharply over at them.

"What you do guys think is going to happen? An ambush?" Esme laughed. Dan's cheeks colored slightly. "Melika is a very reasonable woman. I don't think she is going to meet you brandishing weapons in the middle of an ambush."

"We don't know this pack and what I do know about them I don't like." Matt responded, harshly and I could see Embry's face color in anger. If Matt kept pushing there was going to be a fight and I wasn't sure that that wasn't the results that Matt was looking for. "I'm not going to take any chances with my family." The way he said that was a dig and I sucked in a breath as if I could calm Embry by it.

"They won't hurt me Mathew." I said softly, using his whole name to make sure that I had gotten his attention. "Once they were good friends. I don't think they will be out looking for trouble anymore then we are."

"Perhaps." He shrugged. "I'm still coming with you and Dan will be Changed and at the treaty line just encase." The last was an order and Dan and I knew it. I clenched my jaw and so did Embry. He didn't like not being trusted any more then I was happy with Matt's over protective behavior. I wouldn't argue with his orders, neither would his brother. Order's were his to give and ours to obey.

"When do we need to leave?" I asked Embry.

"Pack meeting starts at 7, so about fifteen minutes from now. I'd leave here in half an hour. Gives us plenty of time to make sure we won't run into stragglers." He stated. I took a deep breath and nodded, suddenly not as interested in my meal as I had been before.

"Ok. I think I'm going to call Charlie before we leave." I stood.

"Go ahead and use Carlisle's office." Esme offered, giving me a sympathetic look.

"Thanks." I nodded, as she pulled my plate toward herself and stood up.

I wondered through the house to Carlisle's office. It hadn't changed much, the same paintings still hung on the walls, the same desk sat in the same spot, computer, papers and office supplies neatly placed and in orderly fashion. Even his desk chair that I had never seen him sit on was where I remembered it.

I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and dialed my father's number.

"Hi kid!" My dad's voice echoed through the line after the third ring.

"Hi dad." I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. "How's things?"

"Same old same old as a small town sheriff. Looking forward to seeing you home. I even got your room ready for you."

"No, you're only looking forward to eating good home cooked meals." I laughed and he laughed with me.

"So it's just you and that boyfriend of yours?" He asked. He didn't really like Matt and it didn't matter how often I told him that we weren't romantically involved, he didn't tend to believe me or like him anymore.

"No, his brother is coming with us but he's staying with the Cullen's. He's a friend of Emmett's from collage" I explained.

"You should see if Mathew can stay with them too. They have a big house."

"And we have a guest room Dad." I chastised. "The Cullens are great friends still but I can't expect them to look after all of my guests, it doesn't always work that way. Trust me, we'll have plenty of time to catch up, he'll be doing things with his brother in the area too. I know they wanted to check out Seattle." I responded.

"Alice is going to pick you up. I let her borrow your truck for a few days. She said she wanted to get the oil changed and have a tune up done before you came home. It's not like the old truck's been well maintained since..." His voice trailed off and there was obvious discomfort as the line went momentarily silent. "Well anyway. Sue is going to come over for a while tonight so..." The phrase hung in the air.

"You'll enjoy a nice home cooked meal then." I responded, picking my words carefully. It wasn't just me that had lost the day that Jacob imprinted, it was Charlie too. He hadn't had a proper conversation with Billy since and it wasn't from lack of trying on Billy's part according to Sue. It turned out that I got a lot of my stubborn nature from my father.

"She likes to look after me." He affirmed.

"You know that you could go to the rez if you wanted to dad. I'm sure that Billy would like to see you." I said softly.

"Nope, not necessary. Nothing there to bother going for except to Sue's place and she said she'd rather come here anyway, I think she prefers your kitchen Bella. So unless the Rez police can't handle it, I'm happy to stay firmly on my turf." His tone said he was done with the direction that the conversation.

"Okay Dad." I answered as Matt poked his head around the door and looked at me. The boys were ready to leave, just waiting on me from the look on his face. I nodded to him to let him know that I understood. "I had best be going; I just thought that I would say hi and make sure that everything is still okay for me coming. I'll see you in a couple of days"

"Looking forward to seeing you Bella. You're always welcome to come home whenever you want to." He said warmly. "Travel safely. Have a good night."

"I'll try." I took a deep breath and hung up the phone. I really hoped that things would work out fine too.


	5. Part 4

I have been in hospital having my gall bladder removed so got to writing once more. Please drop a review and tell me what you think.

Thanks

* * *

><p>Part 4<p>

It was dark out.

I felt exposed and it was dark out.

I was nervous, felt exposed and it was dark out

The list was running through my head, adding a new adjective to the list in time to the beat my feet made as I walked. We had decided after much deliberation to take Emmett's lifted jeep to the edge of Cullen territory where we would proceed onto tribal land on foot. Embry was to guide Matt and I while Dan, Edward and Emmett waited for us by the vehicle. None of those staying behind were happy about where they had been told to stay put.

Well they could all suck it up.

They didn't have to go meet their nemesis after coming right off of a plane. Perhaps nemesis wasn't fare, perhaps the word was too strong as I had never properly met the girl and from all accounts she was a good person but it didn't mean that I had to like her.

The arrangement was one that made Matt feel the most comfortable considering this night time meeting. I would rather have waited for a few days to make it. My body was tired, even the shower and the food that I had eaten before we left the Cullen's home was doing little to make me feel less tired. I wanted to sleep soundly and not worry about being caught on Quileute territory unannounced. Embry hadn't even made contact with Melika to let her know we were in the area.

It was the first time that I had come to the reservation feeling like I was a threat. I felt like an intruder, I guess I was one and on top of that I was breaking a deal that I had made with Sam without even the courtesy to announce myself or my intentions. Before I was a friend not needing to be announced or worrying about the reception that I was going to receive. For the longest time the beaches and the forest on the reservation had been a reprieve for me, a place of safety and solitude where I could feel safe.

Matt padded beside me making hardly any noise. Matt's fur was the color of pewter, dark silver gray with slightly darker flecks of black and silver around his ears, mussel, tail and legs. He was the size of a small pony but made of lean muscles and strong bone. He was alert his ears moving in directions of sounds that were faint to my ears but his mouth was open, his tongue lolling lazily out the side giving him a relaxed appearance. Every now and then he would bump lightly into my legs and side, starting contact that I needed and yet would never ask for.

It was his way of saying 'I'm here' and 'You're not alone'.

The moon was covered in cloud but I could still feel Her prick against my skin where the cloud cover was light. Tomorrow was the full moon. By mid-morning Her presence would be unbearable. I would no longer be able to resist Her pull, even my will power was no match for Her strength.

I gnawed on my lower lip, my hand reaching out and touching Matt's back, holding in place while I gathered strength from him. He growled lightly, not a warning but a signal of appreciation. He liked it when I relied on him and Clan magics for comfort and strength but then if Matt could have his way, we would be more than our strange mix of friends, roommates and confidantes. He had always wanted more from me then I could give him.

"We're almost there." Embry said, his voice piercing the darkness around us. He was on home territory, he had no need to worry or be nervous. "Go ahead and wait in the backyard. I'll bring Melika out to you."

I nodded, not trusting my voice yet to sound steady and strong as we approached a small two story home. It was typical of the reservation housing and the yard wasn't fenced in, something that didn't surprise me either. What did surprise me was the '01 Camery sitting in the driveway and the lack of motorcycles, rabbits or a garage. There wasn't even the smell of recent motor oil hanging in the air.

Perhaps I wasn't the only one to change my life habits.

"Wait here." Embry waved us back as he moved toward the back door. I nodded again and looked down at Matt.

"I don't think you should be here. I don't want to scare her and you can be pretty scary when you're upset. Go hide somewhere close by. I'll call if I need you." I motioned at him with my head and extracted my hand from his fur. He snorted his displeasure but turned and walked away into the darkness so that I could no longer see him. He wouldn't go far, just stay out of sight so that he could get to me quickly if he was needed. He didn't have to go but he trusted my judgment most of the time.

I didn't have to wait long for Embry to reappear followed by Melika. Bile rose in my throat and I clenched my jaw to keep from reacting to her presence. I wasn't ready to have to talk to her and yet there was nothing I could do except for stand where I was. I had never wanted to see her again as long as I lived and here I was face to face with her again.

It wasn't that Melika was unpleasant to look at, she wasn't. She was in fact quite pretty. She wore her long black hair up in a messy bun at the nape of her neck, she wore a pair of old cut off jean shorts a red and white striped t-shirt and a light sweater over the top. Her copper colored skin was flawless even though there were dark circles under her light brown colored eyes.

Her long oval face gave her the impression of being older then she was, she was a little older than me anyway but she looked like she was nearing the middle of her thirties rather than the end of her twenties. She had a slim build to add to her five foot three inch frame that made her look tiny, almost fragile even against my five foot 6 inch stature.

She was the perfect Native American woman and I couldn't help but dislike her more than a little for it. I am not racist, don't get me wrong but I was her polar opposite, it was part of the reason that the council had breathed a sigh of relief when Jacob had imprinted. I was whiter then white and she was everything that Jacob's family and friends had hoped for in a mate for him. Even before her, during the short year that Jacob's and my lives had intertwined the tribal Elders in particular hadn't liked me because I wasn't one of the Blood.

If you aren't one of the Blood you aren't in the club, there is nothing that you can do to change that fact.

"Bella," She started with a hesitant smile on her face that I did not return.

"What do you want?" I cut her off in a tone that could possibly have been taken as harsh but in that moment I didn't care. There were plenty of things that I didn't care for and I wasn't about to start beating about the bush. I wanted answers and I wanted them now.

"I can imagine that this is more than a little difficult for you." She tried again, her voice soft and gentile, like she was trying to sooth me but the smile was gone, replaced with a nervous tick at the side of her mouth. It made the hair on the back of my neck raise unpleasantly and I had to resist the urge to rub my neck to try and rid myself of the sensation.

"You have no idea what things are or have been like for me." I replied, daring her to say otherwise.

"I'm sure that I don't." She conceded with the slightest lowering of her eyes. Inside I felt a little triumphant. Her body language told me that she was submissive, that I was above her in whatever she perceived as the pecking order, that or she was frightened of me and neither idea bothered me much. I wasn't the same person that I had been when I left Forks; her comfort only mattered to me so much. "You look well." She tried again at small talk and I gritted my teeth against the snarl that wanted to escape my throat.

"I did not leave my job and my home and travel from South America to make small talk with you. I have no wish to make small talk with you. Embry said that Jacob was in trouble and that I'm the answer to getting him help somehow. I would like to get to the somehow sooner rather than later so that I can get on with my life again without you rubbing your life in my face!" I said, keeping my voice low enough that I couldn't be considered physically threatening but that my desires were clear.

"Bella, come on!" Embry protested for her as Melika took a deep breath. Part of me wished that I hadn't sent Matt away, I was outnumbered and suddenly I felt it.

"No, I came because you asked me to, now I want the answers as to why I'm here since you couldn't give them to me in the first place. I'm done doing things on faith." I said glaring at him. Embry was hovering over the woman, his size a shadow of protectiveness over her person and my eyes narrowed as I looked at them.

"Would you come inside and have a coffee or drink while we talk?" Melika asked, ignoring my exchange of words with Embry while grasping at straws to try and turn the encounter into a somewhat pleasant experience.

"I'm more comfortable out here under the moon." I replied, realizing that it was true. For the first time in a long time the moon gave me a sense of power and reassurance. I understood every facet of what She had to offer me and I drew strength from Her like only one of her children could.

"Down to business then." Melika nodded and sat down on her porch step. Embry moved so he could continue to hover over her. I gave him a flat look.

"What?" He asked me, his eyebrows folding in on themselves.

"I'm not going to eat her." I replied shaking my head at him. He looked shocked for a moment, like he hadn't realized that his posture had given me the impression that he didn't trust me. "I'm not the enemy here. Remember, I used to be your friend? You wanted me here."

"It's okay Embry." Melika made eye contact with him that lasted a moment longer then I thought it should before she shooed him away. "Go make a pot of coffee; I'm sure that we could all use a cup of something hot."

"Sorry." He practically whispered, his eyes cast down to the wooden steps as he moved up the stairs and out of sight.

"Are you happy Bella?" Melika turned and looked at me long and hard from where she sat. She looked tired but a little more relaxed then she previously had. She understood a little more about me, I realized, she understood that we would not be best friends or likely friends at all, that I wasn't interested in anything other than the business at hand and understanding the rules of engagement had comforted her a little as laying down the rules had comforted me.

"My name is Isabella." I snapped, she did not get to use my nickname.

"I'm sorry Isabella but my question for you remains the same." She nodded her head in acceptance to my new conditions on our conversation.

"Depends on your definition of happy. I have a master's degree that someday I wish to turn into a doctorate, I have a home in the middle of a beautiful country, I have a good and interesting job, good roommates. I'm financially doing well. It's not what I imagined my life to be like but I would be a lair if I said that I hadn't learned how to be content." I responded cautiously. "Why do you ask?"

"Because if you are truly happy, I don't want to drag you into Jacob's mess." She replied and my heart clenched in my chest.

Here was my way out, my way to turn around and tell Jacob that I could care less about him the way that he had turned his back on me. It was the sensible thing to do; there would be no more pain or heart ache. I could move on, get on with my own life. I was being given the out that I couldn't give myself.

Yet, I would always have questions; what was wrong? Did I deny the one person that I loved the chance to be happy or to get his life back on track? Would I be happy knowing that I hadn't helped when I had the opportunity? Was I really the kind of person that could turn my back on someone who mattered to me no matter how they felt about me?

I sighed.

There was no easy out for me in this I had followed Embry home because I had a chance to do for Jacob what I did for Edward all those years ago. I certainly didn't love Jacob now any less then I had loved Edward then.

"I don't think you understand. I'm already part of the mess. I owe him my help if it is something that I can give him." I folded my arms across my chest and gave her a copy of the dead pan look that Matt like to give me when he was insistent about something.

"Alright then. It's no secret around here that Jacob has never loved me and that I've never loved him in return. We imprinted. Imprinting isn't something that we fully understand, not even those of us who are trapped because of it. The Elders understood it to mean that we have found our soul mates. That or person with whom we'd have the best chance of passing along the werewolf gene." She paused as Embry walked out of the door, three cups of coffee precariously balanced in his large hands. "Because of Sam and Emily, Paul and Rachael and Jared and Kim it was easy to think that imprinting meant love at first sight."

"Yeah, I know _all_ about imprinting, don't need a lesson in what it is." I couldn't keep the sarcasm from my voice as I gripped the coffee mug I had been given perhaps a little aggressively

"I know that it hurt you Bella, but it hurt him too not to mention me but we aren't the only ones to be hurt by imprinting." Melika responded, looking at Embry before looking down into her own coffee mug. I frowned, not liking the implication behind her words or the actions that went along side it, the looks, the protectiveness… I shook my head suddenly disgusted. "I've been married once already Bella. My husband was a wonderful man who loved this country and his tribe with all his heart. He was killed in Afghanistan. He was to be the father of my children and I had no plans to try and start a new life with someone else but when I came home to Washington, I found someone that could have possibly helped mend my head, but despite the fact that Jacob and I hold no desire for a romantic relationship the Elders insisted that we try."

"I'm sorry you lost your husband Melika and this romantic interest of yours but again I'm wondering why I'm here. I don't need sob stories; I have plenty of my own."

"About six months after you left Victoria came back. She wasn't alone and she was hunting you. Jacob took offense to that. He started to hunt her. He needed to find a way to stay close to you so he chose to protect you. He became obsessed. He still is. His obsession has not gone well for him; it has almost destroyed the Pack on a couple of occasions. She has eluded him at almost every turn until about two years ago. She got tired of him hunting her, following her all over the continent so she came back to try and kill him once and for all. It nearly worked. Jacob knew she was coming so the Pack laid a trap, she got away but not before biting Jacob, breaking both of Paul's legs and crushed Jared's chest." The tone of her voice had changed. "We didn't know what to do so almost left it too late before calling your Vampire doctor. He was the only one we could trust not to wonder about their elevated temperatures and their bodie's attempts at rapid healing. The others healed quickly He suffered from the venom for months as it fought with his body. It nearly drove him mad. He went between human and wolf so often and fast that Sam was worried that he was losing his mind. Carlisle tried to give him huge doses of pain medication to help but because of his high metabolism it was there then gone before it was of any use. We tried, the whole pack, to use other things to distract him but it wasn't until he decided what he needed to distract himself that he seemed to get any better. He seemed to go back to himself for a while, as angry and obsessed as ever but himself. Then Alice asked to meet with Sam about eight months ago. She had a vision of Victoria coming back here. She's come back twice. He's been off the deep end ever since."

"So Jacob is walking around with venom in his body? He's some psycho hybrid?" I gave them an incredulous look. My heart was pounding in my chest, my breath felt labored although it sounded normal. This was all so wrong, so wrong that I found myself hurting over it. After all if Victoria hadn't been after me, it would never have happened. "That's why you wanted me here?"

"No, he's not hybrid. I promise. He's a fanatic, the venom nearly killed him, nearly destroyed his mind. We did our best but it took a lot out of him and us. He almost destroyed us. He almost made us destroy him." Embry said with a shake of his head. "I think he needed a way to be close to you so he hunted her and when she bit him, I think that he wanted to die. He wasn't the same person after imprinting and you leaving him. I didn't think that he thought he could survive loosing you again. If Victoria had bit him then been destroyed I'm sure he would have died but she survived and would continue hunting you so he had to live."

"Don't you dare blame me Embry Call! Just encase you've very conveniently forgotten I didn't have much choice in either matter. He imprinted not me. I was forbidden to ever see him again. Still am as far as I know. It was made perfectly clear to me by the Elders, Billy and Sam that Jacob no longer needed me in his life and that my continuing presence in Forks was selfish and damaging for all concerned including the rest of the pack." I snarled, placing my coffee mug on the porch railing and stalking a few feet away from the two Quileutes. "I didn't just loose Jacob; I lost my father and my high school friends and the only places and people that I knew out there in the world. I even lost Edward for a while." I said without turning my back entirely to them, I just didn't want them to witness the pain on my face. I composed myself and pulled my shoulders back, standing straighter.

"Is that why Matt hates us?" Embry asked quietly.

"Clan doesn't leave their own. Family is more important than anything else. The greatest punishment in their world isn't death, it's banishment, the lack of family." I stated. "So yes. That's why Matt has no respect for you or the Pack. He doesn't know you well enough to hate you."

"Matt?" Melika looked over at me a deep frown on her face.

"Part of the psycho-fuck family that I belong to." I replied with almost a half smile. "They didn't take kindly to Embry showing up and demanding that I come back here. They are very protective of their own."

"Two of her new friends are werewolves. They've adopted her into their family group." Embry elaborated.

"That's an interesting twist in your life." Melika smiled at me.

"You have no idea." I nodded, finding that for a moment she made me want to smile back. "So the problem is that Jacob is trying to get himself killed?" The words sounded colder then they had in my head.

"The problem goes deeper than that. The other problem is with Sam and the Elders. Sam wasn't meant to be Alpha forever, just as long as Jacob needed guidance. Jacob holds the Alpha bloodline. He can deify Sam at almost every turn and because of him, some of the others are able to as well." Melika shrugged. "The Pack is breaking apart, at war within itself."

"But Alpha law is absolute." I frowned at her. I had seen Alpha law in play among the Pack, there was no choice you did as you were told. It was yet another difference between the Quileute pack and Clan families.

"It would be if Jacob was Alpha but he won't be. He refuses all responsibility. Lately he barely operates as part of the Pack. He only went to the Pack meeting tonight because Victoria was spotted near Seattle. Him being away from the Pack is slowly killing the Pack bonds. He doesn't function well alone either. The last time that Victoria came back he used Seth as bait and nearly got them both killed. He doesn't think clearly. He's out of control, he needs you. You're the only thing in this world more important to him then killing that vampire." Melika rushed forward with her explanation, her face a little flushed as she spoke.

"What exactly am I supposed to do about it Melika?" I threw my hands in the air exasperated. "I am not welcome here! I had to sneak onto the rez tonight just to speak with you! You may as well be married to him in the eyes of the tribe! What am I supposed to do? Play mistress? Try and hide who I am and what I feel from someone who used to be able to read me as easy as breathing? I have come to respect myself more than that!"

"Isabella things between Jacob and I-" Her words were cut off by the sound of tires on the gravel that ran along the side of her house.

"Shit!" Embry breathed as I looked wildly around for cover, for anywhere within reach to hide, finding none that I could reach quickly enough not to be spotted.

"What do I do? I thought you said the meeting would run until midnight!" I hissed at him, my heart was pounding in my chest and I clenched my fists at my side. Melika looked nervously in my direction once before I heard a voice that made me want to make a run for it anyway.

"Embry you son of a bitch where are you? I can smell your hairy ass!" Jacob rounded the corner with a smile on his face as I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

I knew that I should try and make a discreet exit while he wasn't aware of me and he wasn't. He was too focused on his Pack brother but I was frozen to the spot with fear, pain and anguish as the hole that I had patched in my heart ripped open again.

He had changed a little the same way that Embry had, the angles on his face were a little sharper, and his eyes looked like they had seen more than any one person should have to. His black hair was cropped short like it had been right after he had first changed and before I had insisted that he start growing it a little longer again. He was all lean corded muscle with the serious face of a warrior. It didn't look like he had laughed or smiled in months.

His expression made me want to cry.

"Hey Jake." Embry stood up and embraced his Pack brother and one of his best friends, his eyes straying to me during the embrace.

"Where've you been for the last two months?" Jacob's eyebrows folded down on themselves as his attention was drawn to the mug in Embry's hand, the one in Melika's and then the one that I had abandoned on the rail. "Who-?" Jacob's voice sounded confused as his head swung around the yard and his eyes fell on me at the same time as Embry said soothingly, "Now Jake don't be mad!"

Our eyes were already locked together. There was no stopping this moment and I didn't know what to do or say.

"Bella?" The hard serious look on his face disappeared and for a moment he looked vulnerable before the mask was back.

"Hi Jake." I whispered, taking a deep shuddering breath before I felt an arm wrap around my shoulders and give me a tight squeeze before the arm fell away again. It broke the moment; I turned my head to look up into Matt's face. He looked relaxed on the outside but I could see the lines of tension around his mouth and eyes. This meeting made him nervous. It was not what he had planned for.

"It was nice for you to have Izzy and I here tonight. I'm sure that we'll see you again." Matt's voice broke the stillness around us and my eyes dropped to the ground so that I wouldn't have to look at Jacob any more.

_'So much for being strong and in control Swan.'_ My inner-voice mocked me as without thinking I allowed Matt to steer me around and start me on the path out of the garden.

"Bella! Wait!" Jacob's voice stopped me in my tracks and I wrapped my arms tightly around myself before turning to look at him again. "Are you back?" The question was whispered as if to ask it too loud would be wrong but his face was hard, accusatory. All of my dreams of a moment where he would welcome me home with open arms were broken. My best friend didn't even want to see me.

"I wish I was here to stay." I admitted, my mouth suddenly feeling dry. "I came to see Charlie. I know that you all asked me not to come back to Forks and I didn't mean to intrude. I mean, I guess I should have stayed away like you asked me to. I'm not trying to make life harder in anyway. Charlie couldn't afford to meet me anywhere this year, I just thought, ." The last sentience came out of my mouth all strung together in a jumble as the rejection hit me full force in the gut.

"What were you doing here?" The question had a biting edge to it.

"I just told you." I swallowed hard, hating the accusatory way that he was looking at me.  
>"No. I mean here." His dark eyes were hard, his eyebrows folded down on themselves and his teeth bared in a partial growl as he pointed down at the place he was stood.<p>

"You don't have to answer that Iz." Matt snapped stiffening at my side before he addressed Jacob in what I liked to think of as his Alpha voice. "She has as much right to be here as you do. She was an invited guest and needs no permission to visit her childhood home or her father, least of all from you." I was so glad for him at that moment. I was not alone. I had someone who had my back and I was grateful for it.

"Last I knew, Isabella could speak for herself." Melika came up alongside Jacob and pressed a hand on his arm. The quivering that had been in the muscles stopped. I swallowed down the cry of pain that wanted to escape my throat, I used to be the only one that could sooth his wolf and now I was the cause of its agitation.

"I'm sorry Melika. It's best that I go; it seems that you were wrong. It doesn't seem that I can help." I kept my tone even and my voice quiet as I looked between the three Quileutes. Melika looked sad, Embry looked ashamed and Jacob looked like he wanted to kill something.

"I'm not wrong." She shook her head, walking toward me, leaving Jacob staring after her in her wake. She took one of my hands and gave it a squeeze. "Come back and have lunch with me tomorrow."

"I don't think-" She cut me off.

"I won't take no for an answer Isabella Swan." She insisted as Jacob cleared his throat behind her.

"She doesn't want to be here anyway, why bother?" The accusation in his voice made me look over at him.

"Monday, we can have lunch on Monday. I have plans tomorrow." I said to Melika as I stared back at Jacob's angry eyes. "Just for the record, I thought that I had made it so clear to you Jacob what I wanted years ago and then again in my letters. I never wanted to leave. This was my home. I wanted it to stay that way."

Jacob didn't say anything in response; he just turned his back and walked away from me.


	6. Part 5

Wow, what a journey to get here. Life has been spinning away a little out of control as only real life can. I have not given up on this story by any means and hopefully I will post a little more regularly, if not I apologize in advance for the tardiness of my posting.

This was a particularly hard portion of the story to write and I'm not sure that I am 100% happy with the way that it turned out yet but I am not displeased either so I havve decided to give it up to all of you who are reading and let you be the ultimate judges. So without further ado, pop some popcorn, sit back and relax and (I hope at least) enjoy.

* * *

><p>Part 5<p>

To say that I flew into the Cullen household like a whirlwind would have been an understatement. I hadn't spoken at all on the ride home and I could tell that Edward was getting increasingly worried about me as time wore on and the rest of the boys were uncomfortable enough to make awkward small talk with each other. I didn't look at anyone or try and talk to anyone when I entered the house. I just made my way straight upstairs to Edward's bedroom and closed and locked the door behind me on entry.

I tore the lovely clothes that Alice had picked out for me off my body and found the baggiest most comfortable pair of sweats that I owned and an old t-shirt out of my duffel bag and fell into bed. My head hurt, my heart hurt and Jacob's hurt, angry and tortured face was burned into my retina.

I closed my eyes and I saw his face and it made my heart hurt even worse. But sleep came as I knew sleep would and in my sleep I dreamt.

In my dream there was a young woman. She was as beautiful, tall with hair too dark to be called blonde and too light to be called brown, eyes as blue as blueberries and perfectly shaped cherry red lips. In my dream we were in the kitchen of my father's home. She was sitting at the kitchen table a mug of hot chocolate cupped in her hands, another of tea sitting steaming across from her. In my dream she smiled at me as I sat across from her.

"_Rejection hurts doesn't it little one?"_ Her voice was like silk, perfectly pitched and tender, like the way a mother's would be when she was comforting her child.

"_Things just aren't the way that they would be in a perfect world." _In my dream I answered her, wrapping my hands around the mug in front of me.

"_No, this is not a perfect world."_ Her laugh rang out clear as a bell around me.

"_I spent too much time dreaming about the perfect reunion where all of our problems and differences wouldn't matter anymore. My pain is my own fault. I should have known that he wasn't going to be happy to see me. By all accounts we have hurt each other perhaps more than is repairable."_ I sighed, taking a sip of the hot tea and tasting all of my favorite fruit flavors mixing together in harmony. I decided that I really liked dream tea.

"_Dreams can be dangerous and powerful things. I don't think that you carry the burden of guilt alone however, he has hurt you just as badly as you have hurt him. Perhaps there is fault in both corners."_ The dream woman said with a knowledgeable nod of her head. _"Your dreams are strongly tied to your heart little one and your heart is stronger than his."_

"_What is that supposed to mean?"_ I asked, realizing in my dream that sitting across from this stranger and talking to her about my feelings was actually a comfortable thing. Strange considering I didn't even like to talk to myself about my feelings.

" _Isabella Swan, you have fallen in and out of love. You have been deeply hurt and survived. It has made you strong. Even when you have been at your worst you haven't tried to deny how you feel or who you are and no one else has expected you to. Jacob's friends, family and tribe have not been so kind to him."_ Her berry blue eyes twinkled at me from under her finely shaped brow. _"Come, walk with me a while and lets talk some more of your scary feelings."_

In my dream we left my house in companionable silence and started walking. It felt like we walked for hours around Forks and through the woods until we came to cliff tops that I couldn't honestly say that I remembered ever having visited before. I felt comfortable and at peace in a way that I hadn't since Matt and I had made the mistake that changed my life forever.

"_Change isn't always a bad thing you know."_ My dream friend said, taking a seat on the cliff top and dangling her feet over the edge. I looked down, trying to work out how far it was till the ocean that was lapping around the base, how long the free fall would be before you hit the waves below.

"_I don't think you quite understand the particular change that I have gone through in the last couple of years."_ I shook my head.

"_You would be surprised by what I know."_ She answered with a shrug like it didn't really matter to her much at all.

"_I jumped off a cliff once."_ In my dream I found myself offering as I took a seat next to her, pulling my long sleeves over my hands in a long forgotten habit as I spoke. _"I don't think that I was trying to kill myself but I might have been. I wasn't a very strong person back then. I thought that life wasn't worth living without Edward. I did all sorts of crazy things then because when the adrenaline kicked in I would hear Edward talking to me in my head. Sounds insane doesn't it? But he was there in my head telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing and I craved it. So I jumped off a cliff."_ I shook my head and picked up a small pebble that was on the ground next to me. I rolled it between my thumb and forefinger before tossing it over the edge and watching its rapid decent.

"_No, not insane. First loves are hard to let go of. Any kind of love at all really. It's much harder when you don't have a choice in the matter."_ She shrugged again as a gust of wind picked up her hair and spread it across her face.

"_Jacob saved me. I mean, when I jumped off the cliff. I didn't realize how strong the current was or how heavy your clothes can be when they are wet. I almost drown." _I tucked my hair behind my ears.

"_It's not relevant anymore."_ My dream friend put her hand on my shoulder.

"_He also saved me from myself when Edward left. He made me want to live and breathe and laugh and smile and be, just be. He loved me so much it scared me."_ I sighed.

"_Unconditional love is scary sometimes."_ She acknowledged wisely.

"_Jake, he was supposed to be my now and forever. He promised me and then his stupid tribal blood kicked in and he imprinted on that woman."_ My words caught in my throat, I felt the tickle behind my eyes that usually signaled the onset of tears. I shook my head. I had cried enough tears over Jacob Black. _"Then Embry makes me meet her and I find that I can't hate her the way that I want to anymore. She's not a bad person. I think in another life we would have been friends. She seems sweet and kind but I'm angrier at her then I have ever been at anyone else in my life. She has the life that I wanted, that I would have given anything to have and she doesn't want it."_

"_You're mad at her because she doesn't love him. That is no more her fault then it is your fault that you do love him."_ It was the other woman's turn to find a pebble to toss. This time I counted the seconds that it took for the pebble to meet the water. It didn't take very long. I looked up and away at the seagulls circling the shoreline. It was funny, I could see them but I couldn't really hear them. I couldn't properly hear the sounds that any healthy forest held or the sound that I knew the waves made when they met the rock of the cliff. It was like having human ears again that missed so much.

"_It doesn't matter. Imprinting means that they 100% genetically compatible I don't know if love has much to do with it. If it did then they wouldn't have imprinted would they? After all, at the time Jacob loved me or so he said."_ I reasoned.

"_Are you so sure that he doesn't still?"_

"_You didn't see his face."_ I shook my head.

"_Don't give up so easily."_ My dream companion counseled before looking up at the sky with a faraway expression like she wasn't looking at the sky that she was staring at. _"The Moon will be up in a couple of hours. You should get some rest."_

My dream faded to black.

I woke up to sun streaming through the glass and my body feeling like I had a bad case of the flu. I groaned and rolled into a ball, pulling the pillow that I had been sleeping on over my head trying to get some form of relief.

I hated the full Moon more then I hated my period!

"Rose and I have the basement all kitted out with soppy chick-flicks and plenty of popcorn if you want to throw clothes on and move down there." Alice's chipper little voice sent a headache that I didn't know that I had into overdrive.

"How did you get in here?" I moaned, trying to move farther under the thick goose down comforter that Edward had provided for me years ago as my stomach cramped making me want to draw my knees to my chin.

"Edward has a spare key for his bedroom. He gave it to me this morning." She spoke softly but her voice seemed far too load for the room.

"You're a traitor Edward Cullen." I mumbled from under the pillow and heard his answering chuckle from the music room below.

"He's just trying to help." Alice sounded a little pouty.

"If he wanted to help he should have come himself." I replied.

"You know seeing you in pain hurts him." Alice chided.

"Come on, you know it will be better in the basement." Rosalie coaxed from across the room.

"Knowing that I'll feel better downstairs and actually getting the motivation to move from here are two very different things." I replied.

"I can carry you downstairs or have Mathew come and help you if you'd rather." Alice said making it clear that I was moving down to the basement by my own steam power or she was going to find someone who would help me.

I sat up with a groan and swung my legs out of bed. I didn't have to reach far for a change of clothes; Alice already had a pair of jeans, a cotton tank top and a sweater in hand next to me. "I have bought you so many nice night clothes and you still insist on wearing those ratty old things." She sighed a little dramatically even for Alice as I slipped pulled my clothes on and tested out my stockinged feet on the floor.

My nerve endings were tingling but like last month the tingling was more like pins and needles then sharp pain as it had started. I could only hope that one day I wouldn't be totally useless on the full moon. I rolled my neck, breathing a sigh as I started to move.

"You okay Iz?" Rose said from the doorway of the room. She looked tense even in her unmoving stance, her arms were crossed and her perfectly shaped eyebrows turned down in an uncharacteristic frown.

"I'm fine." I nodded my head feeling like it was going to explode from the jerky movement. "I just shouldn't nod or shake my head anytime soon." I tried at a weak joke and failed as I moved for the doorway, reflecting on how caring that monsters could be.

It was a common thing actually. It wasn't something that was central to the kind of creatures that could go bump in the night. Predators of all kind could be very cruel, from birds of prey to reptiles and even predatory mammals. They were viscous, caring little for the animals that they preyed on and yet were extraordinarily caring within their family groups.

Yes, punishment was sever and dealt quickly with little thought beyond making sure that the family group was well cared for, kept safe and healthy. It seemed that even the creatures that went bump in the night were caring within their family groups. Okay, so Laurent, James and Victoria had all tried to kill me, hell, Victoria was still trying apparently, they had been viscous and cruel in their dealings with me, the Cullen family and the wolf pack but still they were caring toward each other. Victoria's hunting of me was driven by revenge for the deaths of the rest of her family group if it wasn't for me they would all still be alive and she wouldn't be alone. I could understand that.

Even the Wainwright Clan had dealt harshly with Mathew but because the harsh punishment was for the good of the whole Clan. A blind man could have seen how much it pained Ian Wainwright to banish his own son and the pain that it caused their mother and sister when Daniel decided that he had to share in his brother's banishment. There was no hatred though between Mathew and his father, just a cool and hard understanding of the facts and the conditions of his betrayal and banishment.

I think what was hardest for the brothers, was the fact that I could have then and still held the power in my hands to change his banishment. If I would only accept the fact that my friends and family could no longer be mine then I could have a new family and Matt would be restored to his rightful place as heir to the Wainwright family Clan and fortune. All the better if I accepted my place at Matt's side as his wife.

The Clans could be very archaic at times. After all there was ownership in creation.

I was not the only one who was taking advantage of the Cullen's basement. Dan was prowling the floor as an over grown wolf who didn't seem happy to be trapped indoors and Matt was lazing on the couch, apparently at ease within himself. If I hadn't known him better I would have said that he was as unaffected as I was affected but the muscles around his jaw were tight. He was fighting the Change as hard as I was.

"You and Dan should go roam around for a while." I asserted myself even as I dropped onto the couch next to him with a slight groan and pulled the throw from the back of the couch over myself. Matt put an arm around my shoulder and drew me in close to his side. The contact was reassuring as well as painful. I tried to draw on Clan Magic but the bond was as pained as my body and I let go quickly.

"We will wait with you until nightfall." He replied as I knew he would but I had to try.

"Then we are going to subject you to many a chick-flick." Alice proclaimed a little louder then I think she meant to. "What to start with? The Notebook? Sleepless in Seattle? Clueless? Titanic?"

"I think that Titanic is a movie I never want to see again!" I laughed, feeling a release from the worst of my headache. Dan snorted in agreement as Rosalie appeared with a full bowl of popcorn in her arms and Esme right behind her with sodas.

We made it through The Notebook and Clueless and had settled in for Sleepless in Seattle before Edward appeared in the doorway of my basement haven, followed by Embry and Seth. I stiffened and Matt did the same at my side as Alice pushed the pause button and stood up fluidly followed by the rest of the Cullen women.

"Seth heard you were home and after him and, well… it doesn't matter, he just wanted to see you." Embry said looking straight at me. "Carlisle said the distraction might be welcome, he said you weren't feeling great. We aren't looking for any trouble."

"That's what you said last time you showed up on our doorstep. You weren't welcome then you aren't welcome now." Matt's voice was taunt, his muscles bunched to launch an attack. The only thing that stopped him was me curried into his side. Dan was stood next to the arm of the couch, hackles raised and lips curled back to show strong white teeth in a silent growl.

"This is not your home Mathew and as long as the Cullens are happy to have them here then it's okay with me." I smiled encouragingly at Seth. "You've grown Seth Clearwater." I commented trying to sit a little straighter.

"Call us if you need anything. The smell of wet dog isn't so pleasant." Rosalie scrunched up her face and all three of the Cullen women left the room in fluid unity that was enviable.

"You don't look well Bella." Seth nodded, ducking his head as a flush of embarrassment spread across his high cheekbones. Seth had grown into an incredibly handsome young man.

"She likes to try and kill herself by sheer force of will once a month." Matt said dryly and I shot him a dirty look as the two Quileutes looked a little alarmed.

"It's a bit like PMS." I clarified, hoping that the foray into feminine hormones would be enough to satisfy both of the young men and let the conversation drift in a different direction.

"Yeah, my sister says that sucks." Seth's laugh wasn't forced and Embry looked a little abashed.

"Yeah, something like that." Matt said shooting me a dirty look of his own.

"I'm sorry about last night Bella. Jacob wasn't supposed to come home until later but him and Sam had it out again. I didn't realize that he would react badly to seeing you." Embry tried an apology.

"Yeah, he's missed you so much I'm sure that it hurt the hell out of him to see you with another guy!" Seth's words were out of his mouth before he thought about what he was saying that much was evident by the expression on his and Embry's faces. Embry reached over and cuffed the back of his head hard enough it was sure to hurt a little. "What? It's the truth! After all he's spent the last number of years pouring every last minute and dime into that godforsaken –" Again Embry's hand moved up to cuff the younger wolf in the back of the head, this time a lot harder, making Seth's mouth snap shut on words that never came out.

I moved away from Matt, sitting up straight for the first time in hours. Both of the Quileute boys looked at me. Seth bit his lip nervously and Embry looked like a storm cloud had passed over his head. "On a godforsaken what?"

"Look Bella it's nothing." Embry tried and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Seth said there was something?" I leaned forward. It turned out that the hope that Jacob still cared for me was painful.

"Seriously, it's nothing. Just a stupid project that he keeps buying shit for. Melika didn't lie to you last night Bella. Her relationship with Jake is a whole lot less than it should be. He uses these projects like an escape from the Elders and their expectations." He shook his head vehemently.

"Yeah, no biggy." Seth nodded his agreement enthusiastically. "So who's the big guy and the wolf anyway?" I looked at the boys a minute longer before deciding to let the comment about the mysterious projects slide until my lunch with Melika the next day.

"Mathew and Daniel Wainwright." I replied. "They went to collage with me."

"Can't stay away from us monsters can you?" The young Quileute laughed.

"It doesn't look like it." I shrugged; the laugh that accompanied it sounded a little dry even to me. "How's your sister?"

That afternoon we never really made it back to Sleepless in Seattle. It was nice to sit with Seth and Embry; both boys had been favorites of mine to hang out with in the past. It was nice to talk about past exploits, catch up on the goings on in the Pack, all the while avoiding Jacob's name like it would cause an explosion.

It was nice to be at home and feel accepted even if it was only for a little while.

It wasn't until just before darkness fell that Esme came to escort the boys from Cullen territory. Because of me it was easier for the Quileutes to move back and forward across treaty lines, there was even a little more leeway for the Cullens but lines were still lines and because of the full moon my vampire family was feeling protective.

We waited for a half an hour after they had left before Matt stood up, Dan next to him and looked sharply over at me. Everything in his posture exclaimed that for him enough was enough and if he had to drag me with him he would. He was Alpha and in that moment he was to be obeyed.

"Alright lets go." I nodded my head in acquiescence.

I made it to the backyard a few minutes behind the boys. The Moon was calling to me, offering acceptance and relief from the constant heckling of my nerve endings. For a moment it was it was too quiet standing there alone. There was no sign of Matt or Dan and I could feel Edward and Alice's eyes watching me from the huge glass windows of their home.

Then like something out of a horror movie two large wolf forms appeared at the edge of the tree line and howled. I smiled before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, smoothing my slightly sweaty palms against my jeans as I exhaled and let go of the control that I had been holding so tightly onto.

Instinct and then my body took over.

Changing is like floating to the top of a swimming pool after having sat at the bottom until you can't hold your breath anymore and your lungs burn with the need for air. There is a peace in it as well as a little pain. A knowledge that in just a few moments you can take a deep breath and allow your body the oxygen that it has been craving and the pain will be gone.

And then you open your eyes and you see differently.

What must be understood from the beginning is that as long as mankind has walked the earth, so has the Clan. We once lived alongside mankind without our secrets to protect us. Back then, they left us to ourselves and we left them to do as they pleased. It was safer for us all that way. But things changed as they often do.

The Clan was always looking for new ways to survive and thrive, they knew that they could mate with humans but the offspring of those unions weren't always successful in Changing, some were just as human as their human parents. Then the Clan discovered that they could Make humans into Clan.

All it took was one single bite.

The bite would either kill a human or Change them.

Humans called the Clan and the people that they Changed, Werewolves, the Moon's children, the twin souled, even the devil's children.

There was war!

Because humans felt threatened they attacked the Clan with cunning and numbers greater than the Clan could gather. What used to be a Clan that worked as a whole was split into different pieces that fled across Europe, Africa, Asia and later the American continents in small family groups. They withdrew from mankind and let them believe that they had died out. Clan became myth and legend and enjoyed the safety that that afforded them.

Because of one night of stupidity and a bite that's purpose I didn't understand at the time, I was now Clan.

I opened my eyes to the warm spring night and took a deep breath. Smells were different. Stronger and held more information for my wolf nose. There were the crisscrossing scents of small prey animals in the yard, the smell of running water not far away, the smell of forest decay and living plant life. My muscles tensed then released, all of the days tensions running through them to the ground beneath my feet and dispersing through my toes.

I felt strong and almost invincible standing under the moon.

Thought processes are different, one moment I was alone basking in the glory of being whole beneath a full moon and the next my pack brothers had joined me and there was joy in being a part of something larger then myself. I can imagine that it's the same sort of exhilaration that wild wolves who have been away from the family group get when they arrive back within the safety of the pack.

There was excitement in the air as Dan bumped me and I pulled my lips back at him in a playful snarl that also served to remind him that I was above him in the pecking order. He laid his ears back against his skull and crouched low in a submissive posture, showing me his throat before Matt snapped at us both and bounded toward the trees reminding us of our purpose.

I looked at the Cullen household, the shapes of Edward and Alice still watching us from behind the glass panes before looking at Dan, my ears swiveling around to take in the night's sounds before taking off after Matt into the trees. The aim of any full moon night was simple, reinstate pack bonds. It was a night full of patrol, play and usually a hunt before dawn came and I went back to denying my place in their small pack.

If I knew Matt at all then he would be looking for some sort of prey almost immediately, not the small kind that we could easily pick up alone like rabbits or large rodents but something bigger that would take all the strength and cunning of all three of us combined working together. It was probably too much to hope that he would pick a mule or white tail deer, knowing him it would be an elk or a moose that would be his choice for the evening.

Dan yipped excitedly from my left and I swung my head, catching the scent of a cotton tail as he veered toward the smell. I was hot on his tail, my tongue lolling out of my teeth before making a wild leap in the air, twisting through a flip through the air and landing on the other side of him to see the rabbit just ahead zigzagging as fast as it could in front of us.

He barked as he bumped my shoulder with his and veered away before I retaliate. Dan was the faster out of the three of us in our mini-pack where I tended to be a little more agile considering my slightly smaller size. Matt was the strongest and while he didn't tend to win in a race between the three of us he never let us forget that we weren't as strong as he was.

So we played, zigzagging in and out of the trees, jumping back and forward across a small stream, bumping into each other, Dan trying to outrun me while I tried to out maneuver him and after a while the rabbet ceased to matter at all. I'm not sure how long we chased that rabbit or how much of that time the rabbit was really there before Dan was sent sprawling into me and my feet scrambled for purchase I no longer had.

I landed hard on the ground, the air escaping from my lungs in a painful whoosh that I knew I would feel in the morning. Dan's large gray body pinned me to the earth, Matt standing over us both, ears pinned and lips pulled back in a silent snarl of warning.

His brother whined at him as he tried to stand so I could get out from under him but Matt's strong jaws clamped firmly over his mussel drawing small droplets of blood and pushing his brother harder into me. There was a faint howl in the woods to our right, far away and haunting. My ears pricked as I looked wildly around trying to work out where we were.

Somewhere along our way, crashing and playing noisily through the woods we had crossed from Cullen land to Quileute land and the Quileute Pack knew we were here. I tensed as Matt let Dan up and in turn he let me up. I shook the dirt from my coat. There was another howl far to our right, answered moments later by a closer one down the path that we had been following the rabbit scent down.

I looked at Matt and he nodded. It was time to make a hasty retreat back onto safe territory before they caught up with us. Hopefully it wasn't the whole pack, just a small party patrolling because as fierce as Clan were there were only three of us and the only one of us who had any real fighting experience was Matt. For a fleeting moment I wished that I had taken Matt up on his offers to teach me how to use my wolf to defend myself but there was no point in wishing, we just had to try and make it out quickly and safely.

We started moving back up the trail, all happy playing gone as we moved in a V formation toward safety, Matt in front and Dan and I trailing him. Keeping noise to a minimum and sticking close to one another. We were upwind, I couldn't catch a fresh wolf scent besides our own and I was afraid that they could smell us very well due to the faint breeze that was wafting our scent back the way that we had come.

Every few moments a call would come through the bushes from the Quileute wolves behind us making me wish that Clan wolves had the same sort of telepathy that the Quileute's shared with each other in wolf form. All I had to go on was the body language that Matt used, not that I wasn't good at reading him, I was, but the fact is good old fashioned words are hard to replace sometimes.

I stopped at the edge of a clearing I knew to be a little over a half mile away from the treaty line as the hair at the back of my neck stood on end. Dan froze next to me, tensing, his hackles rising as Matt continued forward, besides his ears that flickered toward our position he looked the picture of a powerful and relaxed Alpha wolf. It was nothing less than I expected from him.

The trees seemed to part as three giant Quileutes wolves, snarling and snapping slowly advanced on Matt from either side of him. I tensed, recognizing the dark gray fur that belonged to Paul; Seth's light sandy coloring that wasn't unlike my own and next to Paul stood the unmistakable huge russet wolf that was Jacob. My heart leaped in my chest and I had to suppress a whine from my throat as everything in my wolf begged to be allowed to present myself to him in all of my canine glory. It seemed that even my wolf couldn't resist him.

Instead I held silent and still with Dan stiff by my side. The Quileutes were advancing slowly on Matt. Dan was getting more and more tense at my side. I bumped him lightly with my shoulder, the only way I had to command him to stay still and silent. He looked at me, his eyes pleading to be allowed to help his brother and I gave him a look that I could only hope translated as _wait_.

I wanted the Quileutes closer together, I wanted to cause one quick moment of chaos to allow all three of us to slip through the slightly larger wolves' net. So we waited and the waiting seemed to take forever until I saw Matt stiffen himself, the Quileutes only a leap away from him and totally concentrated on their prey.

I leapt forward into the clearing making a beeline for Paul and Jacob, hoping that Dan was close behind me. I opened my jaws, my teeth clamping on Paul's ear as I careened into him, letting my chest take most of the impact and sending him sprawling into Jacob, his ear shredding as it was ripped through my teeth, his blood filling my mouth before I tripped over my own feet barely three feet from them. It took a bare moment for me to leap back to my feet. The air was filled with the sounds of Paul's enraged and pain filled howls, Matt's snaps, and Jacob's answering snarls. Matt snapped at my heels, his motivation to us to move and move fast as we barreled out into the forest.

Dan quickly moved out in front of us, his lanky form built for speed, I wasn't far off his heels and could hear Matt behind us as well as the pursuit from the Quileutes. They were close, too close for comfort and our head start wasn't enough to be called breathing room. My lungs were burning in my chest and Dan pulled ahead as three hundred yards in front of us Edward appeared followed by Alice, Emmett and Carlisle and I stopped hearing Matt behind me.

Then the snapping and snarls of a wolf fight began. I skidded to a halt, my front legs scrambling in an awkward rollback as Carlisle caught hold of Dan's form that was trying to scramble back the way he had come too so that he could get to his brother.

"Bella, he wants you to RUN!" Edward yelled but I wasn't listening. My mind was already focused on working out how best to help Matt, while not allowing Matt and Jacob to do harm to each other. "BELLA!"

It was a battle that I witnessed as I turned. Paul and Seth weren't in sight not that I could say that I would have noticed them as I watched the slightly smaller and more agile Matt do battle with Jacob. It must have been a dream come true for Matt, finally to be able to take on the reason that I clamed banishment from my own home and family. The reason that he was banished from his own home and family. The reason that I couldn't ever quiet love him like he wished that I could.

Grey fur meshed with russet, teeth snapped and claws raked against flesh. Blood was flowing from mostly minor wounds as I made my decision and entered the fray, leaping on top of Jacob's back and making him release his death grip on the ruff of Matt's neck as I tried to lock hold of Jacob's scuff with my own jaws. I didn't succeed in getting a grip but I did succeed in throwing Jacob off of balance and bringing him to his knees, if only for a moment.

I leapt from his back to the ground as Matt was already heaving himself toward the Cullen family who with the exception of his brother who was struggling hard against Carlisle's rock solid arms and Edward who was pacing like a caged animal watched on completely still. I landed on my front legs only to be side swiped by a blur of dark gray, his teeth, ripped into the back of my neck as my right front leg caught and twisted on the uneven ground with an evil sort of snap that sent a shock wave of pain through my entire body.

I crumpled to the ground, my breath coming in heavy gasps as Jacob's mass hovered over me, lips pulled back to show long dagger like teeth I knew from my own to be as sharp as razors, Paul, who had side swiped me, at his side and Seth moving toward us. Jacob's head snaked toward my neck but I managed to catch his mussel in my teeth, the way that Matt had done to Dan what seemed like a lifetime ago and shake with what strength I could muster.

Jacob howled in rage and shook his head with all his might, dislodging me and making my head spin. Matt was heading back to me, his ears pinned against his skull as Jacob's teeth flashed down for my neck again. I twisted my head and body, barely avoiding his snapping teeth as Paul and Seth turned to meet Matt's

"Jacob, leave her be! It's Bella!" Alice was shouting, along with Edward's enraged roar as Emmett grabbed him from behind and held him firmly behind the treaty line. Only the threat of war was keeping them from allowing Edward to move into action. I was going to have to get myself out of this mess the only way that I knew how.

I froze, pulling all of the willpower and energy that I had left in me and forced by body to Change despite the force of the moon calling me to stay one of her children.

If the pain that I had felt as a wolf was bad then as a human with my already moon sensitive nerve endings firing, it was almost unbearable. I knew that despite the fact my arm looked normal it was most definitely broken and I knew I was going to be grateful for a werewolf's tendency to heal about three times as fast as a human over the next few days.

I also know that I must have looked quiet the sight, one minute a golden sand brown furred wolf and the next a fully human girl in dirty, ripped jeans and a torn tank top. I could see the shock register on Jacob's face as he scrambled backward, his own form rippling and changing into a fully naked Native American man as he looked down at me.

"Hi Jake." I managed before passing out.


	7. Part 6

Thank you everyone for your amazingly kind responses! It is great to know that others are enjoying this journey with me.

I would like to welcome aboard (with great thanks) Leria who has graciously agreed to beta this story for me and have been a huge help with this Part of this story and hopefully many more to come.

So without further ado onto the story.

* * *

><p>Part 6<p>

To say that I woke feeling like I had had a good night sleep would have been a lie.

I felt stiff and sore, like I'd been run over by a bus and instead of dying I was left in limbo to feel the aches and pains of my mortal body. The only conciliation was that it was morning, and the next full moon was a faraway prospect.

The full moon! The debacle with the Quileute wolves! Mathew and Jacob fighting, breaking my arm, Jacob trying to kill me and the look of panic on Matt's face as I Changed back to my human form. It all came back in a rush that set my heart pounding in my chest as I fought the rest of the way to consciousness.

I opened my eyes to find myself tucked neatly in my bed in Edward's room. Dan was staring out of the windows at the forest beyond, and Carlisle stood motionless at the foot of the bed watching me. I took a deep breath and looked down at my right arm. To be honest it wasn't much of a surprise to see a cast encasing it from just below the elbow. What was a shock was the sunshine yellow of the material.

"Daniel will be relieved that you are awake. You were unconscious when I set and cast your arm;. It was probably for the best. You snapped both your radius and your ulna. Alice insisted on the color." Carlisle stated, and Dan turned to look at me, his eyes wide.

"Trust Alice." I gave them both a weak smile. "Is he okay? How angry is he?" I asked Dan who looked a mixture of pissed off and relieved now that he realized that I was going to be fine.

"Depends on who _he_ is." Dan replied as Carlisle's cool hand descended on my wrist at the pulse point. "I'm angry but more with Carlisle than with you. Edward is trying to decide who to blame; you for keeping secrets from the Quileutes, Matt for getting in a fight with Jacob, you for your lack of self-preservation, Paul for breaking your arm, Emmett for not letting him kill Jacob, Jacob for not listening to him and Alice, or you for allowing yourself to be bitten in the first place. Paul is mad that you ever came back to Forks and is fine all be it his ear will probably never quite look right. Matt is more likely to kill you then want to talk to you currently although he is wearing a few of his own battle scars. Your precious Jacob seems to be fine except he hasn't moved or said a word since Esme showed him into the living room."

"For the record I did mean Matt." I replied feeling more than a little ashamed of myself that Dan would even think I wasn't talking about his brother, our pack-mate. To Carlisle's credit he didn't react to Dan's confession of anger toward him and carried on with my checkup. "I am sorry Dan. I couldn't let them hurt each other! If Carlisle hadn't grabbed you, you would have done the same, all be it with slightly different motivations."

"I know, that's why I can't be too mad at you. I'm more mad that I was stupid enough to encourage you to follow that rabbit." His light gray eyes looked tired and sad. Dan was so much like the younger sibling that I had never had that my instincts begged me to find a way to make him feel better. "I'm mad that Carlisle did catch me, and I wasn't there to help you guys. Maybe you wouldn't have broken your arm if I had been there to cut off Paul."

"Maybe… what if... It doesn't really matter little brother." I smiled at him then I sat up. "I'm fine. Aren't I Carlisle?" I looked to Edward's adopted father for support. He smiled kindly at me, and I could see the laughter that was playing at the corner of his mouth.

"Take it easy over the next couple of days and you should be more than fine. I'll set up a appointment for an x-ray midweek so I can calculate your healing time." Carlisle stood. "I'll send Alice up to help you dress."

"Don't worry about it. I can manage." I pushed the blankets off myself. "I don't need her trying to color coordinate my clothes with my cast." Carlisle chuckled and nodded from the doorway.

"I'll go tell Matt you're up. I just hope he doesn't try to kill you when he sees you." Dan made to excuse himself but I grabbed a hold of his hand as he made to walk by me.

"It wasn't your fault Dan, I made my own choices." I smiled at him before letting him go and getting on with the tedious and somewhat painful process of pulling on jeans and a t-shirt.

It wasn't dressing that really took the extra time; it was inspecting the rest of the damage that had been inflicted on my body. There were a bunch of small cuts and bruises on my arms and legs which would fade to nothing sooner rather than later. My right arm was broken and in the happiest color of yellow cast that I had ever seen before. I had an oval shaped bruise that almost covered my whole ribcage on my right side and four nasty gashes - two on either side of my neck just below my ears where a wolf's teeth had gotten through my fur and into my flesh.

I traced the scabbed over gashes lightly with my fingertips. They stung a little when I touched them and I couldn't see them fading quickly enough to not be noticeable by the time I had to be at Melika's or my father's homes. Paul had gotten a good hold on me before I Changed back into my much weaker human self.

I sighed and pulled a t-shirt over my head. I shook my head at myself as I buttoned up my jeans and went in search of a sweater to hide the gleaming yellow monstrosity on my arm.

I could already imagine my dad's reaction to me showing up on his doorstep bruised and broken. A few bruises and scrapes weren't abnormal after a full moon but broken arms and gouges on my neck were. Matt and I were going to have to come up with one hell of a good story to tell my father so he didn't run Matt off with a shotgun for not looking after me properly.

I rummaged through Edward's closet until I found probably the only hooded sweatshirt that he owned and pulled it over my head. It was time to face the mess that I had created and it was all downstairs patiently waiting for my arrival.

I cringed, took a deep breath and made my way out of Edward's room and the only safe haven that it felt like I had.

Edward was standing just outside. I could tell that his attention had been totally fixed on the door until I walked out. He gave me a strange look and reached out touching my neck, right over the scabs that Paul had left. His ice cold fingers soothed the painful skin around the healing wounds.

"They look worse than they are." I offered covering his cold hand with mine and gripping lightly. He looked disheveled, well as much as a god-like creature could look disheveled. His clothes were ever so slightly rumpled, his hair looked a mess even though his style tended to be intentionally messy, and his eyes were almost coal black.

"Nice sweater," he said.

"I just needed something to cover this." I held up my encased arm. He gave me a half smile, and I knew that I was forgiven.

"I'm going away for a while Bella," he cupped my face with his hands and looked closely at me like he was trying to see into my very soul, to the core of who I was. I would never be sure if he could come to terms with what he saw there. "I can't stay here and watch - I can't stay and try and play nice when all-" There was anguish in his voice, and I swallowed hard. My throat closed slightly as I stopped the tears that threatened from falling. Hurting Edward was not something that was pleasant for me although it seemed to come naturally enough for it to happen at every turn.

"I'm not going to see you again for a long time - am I?" I bit my lip and felt the little hole that was Edward in my chest tear open just a little as he nodded his affirmation. I could feel his hands tremble slightly, and I nodded my understanding although it hurt to do so.

"If you need me, I won't be far away," he promised, placing a lingering kiss on my forehead and then he was gone.

I felt numb.

I shuffled down the stairs. My feet felt too heavy to lift. I wanted to turn tail and head in the opposite direction and lick my wounds in peace but even I knew that I would eventually have to face the consequences of my actions. I didn't even make it to the living room before Matt found me in the hallway. He was angry; I could feel the anger coming off of him in waves. He grabbed me by my upper arm and steered me into the kitchen before turning me to face him again.

He looked like he had taken a bit of a beating last night too. He had visible cuts, bruises and a few minor gashes on his arms, the back of his neck, around his throat and a wonderful looking split lip. I could see one particularly nice bruise at his collarbone that even the neck of his black t-shirt couldn't entirely cover from sight. I almost smiled thinking that he could at least be grateful that he hadn't broke his arm and ended up with a far too cheerfully colored cast to match mine.

Matt looked more tired than angry, and he was very angry. I could see the anger growing on his face as he took in my somewhat battered appearance. According to his face I looked a whole lot worse than I thought I did. I almost quipped that at least my face looked fine as the silence dragged on for a moment as he collected himself. I caught myself and thought better of it. When my own emotions were riding one hell of a rollercoaster was not the time to provoke an already angry werewolf.

"What the fuck were you thinking?" he roared at me after what seemed like a lifetime of standing and waiting for him to speak.

I clenched my jaw to stop myself from throwing an instant retort back in his face. If there was one thing that I learned about Matthew Wainwright it was that you didn't antagonize him when he was already mad.

"I-" I opened my mouth to answer his question, but he cut me off sharply.

"You know this territory better than we do! What were you thinking ignoring your surroundings and letting Daniel lead you off on a merry dance? Why didn't you follow Daniel back to Cullen territory? What were you thinking leaping into the middle of a fight you couldn't help in?" He clenched his fists tightly at his side and his muscles seemed to tremble under the strain of his own anger.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't paying attention. You forget that I'm not a Cullen! I have never had to worry about boundary lines or treaties when I've been here before because the only thing that Jacob and Edward fought over was trying to keep me away from the other. I have always come and gone freely and when I wanted to. I messed up and yeah it got me hurt. I'm not going to stand here though and apologize for going back to help you." I held my hands up in a form of half surrender. The wolf in me wished to submit to the anger of her Alpha but at some point in my life I had learned to be proud and the woman in me wouldn't allow me to do anything but back my own decisions.

"You didn't help me Isabella; you almost got yourself killed!" The anger seemed to be intensifying in his voice not dissipating. "You never Change, you hardly know how to use your senses unless you're human, you haven't even perfected the simplest ways to hunt prey let along another predator, and you think that you're qualified to get in the middle of a fight between two Alpha wolves. What was going through your head?"

"You don't know Jacob, Mathew! His whole purpose in life is to kill vampires. He's been training for years to do it too. He's killed many of them. Do you think that he was about to take kindly to being challenged on his own territory?" I cried, my temper taking hold of me inch by inch.

"Seems like you have forgotten who I am Isabella, -" he growled right back, his eyes changing from blue to the yellowish green of his wolf. I was dealing with my Alpha, wolf and man together.

"How could I forget who you are? You never let me. You are Matthew Wainwright son and almost heir to the great Ian Wainwright and his even greater Clan! Alpha, enforcer and playboy - the big bad wolf." I snapped right back. "What I think is that you've forgotten your situation now. You do not have one of the biggest Clans in Europe and North America backing you at every turn. You only have Dan and I, and what is your brother going to do without you if you let a shape-shifter kill you?"

"And whose fault is that?" He threw at me, his voice rising higher and higher, causing me to flinch.

"Both of ours." I replied, clenching my fists at my side. "It took both of us to make the mess that landed you out of your father's good graces. I should never have slept with you, but I was trying to move on; I was trying to work out how to live a life that didn't involve the man that I did love and you knew it! You knew that I didn't love you, but you bit me anyway! You didn't even give me a choice. The only choice I did have was not to give up what family I have left. So don't you dare try and pin it all on me you self-righteous son of a bitch!" I yelled back at him.

"Yeah that's right, it's my fault, and I have to live with it." He turned away from me and leaned against the counter. It was as if he couldn't even bring himself to look at me anymore. "But that doesn't excuse your behavior last night or ever since you were Made. Most of us try and do the best we can in a bad situation, but no, not you, not the irrevocably broken Isabella Swan." He turned and glared at me. I glared right back at him as he continued his tirade. "No, you refuse to even acknowledge your Change until the full moon forces it on you. You won't even learn what it is to be Clan because heaven forbid that you actually like what you find. And why? All because your precious Jacob loved the human you. How the hell do you expect to act as part of a Clan or even defend your pack-mates when you don't even know how to be a werewolf?"

"I did just fine last night didn't I? You're fine, and Dan wasn't hurt. I would say that I did rather well under the circumstances." I took a deep breath to try and calm myself.

"That's not good enough!" Matt exploded, slamming his fists into the black granite counter top. "You almost killed yourself last night!"

"Nothing that I do or have done in the last couple of years is right Mathew. Not for you! You don't seem to understand that I never wanted to give up my family or friends. I gave up the first love of my life because that was the only way I could be with him. What makes you think that I would make a different choice now? You grew up in a Clan; you grew up a werewolf, a slave to the full moon. It's always been your life! It hasn't always been mine and you expect me to just instantly fall in line. That's not who I am anymore." I threw my hands in the air in exasperation.

"So that makes me the big bad guy?" His jaw was working overtime as he looked at me.

"No, it just means that you can't force me to be this correct Clan female. I am not like your mother or sister or any of the other women that you grew up with. I want a life. I want my own life." I looked at the floor and sighed.

"Just tell me what the hell you were thinking last night? I had Edward tell you that I didn't want you to be involved and you still turned back," he frowned, all traces of his rage disappearing as he looked at me. "I just don't understand!"

I made eye contact with him again. "I couldn't let him hurt you, and I couldn't let you hurt him!" I said softly as he moved toward me. His hands found my shoulders and squeezed gently. "What would I have done then? I love him Mathew, I can't seem to do a damn thing about it, but I love you too, just differently. You're my rock, my friend, my Alpha. It would have destroyed me to have to hate either of you." He pulled me into a rough embrace, one of his arms tight around my torso as his other hand held the back of my head.

"You scared me," he whispered into my hair. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly back.

"I didn't mean to," I said. He stiffened and released his hold on me; I frowned at him before turning and looking at the open doorway. It turned out that we had almost all of the Cullen's as an audience, and I didn't know how long they had been standing there.

"Well I think the show is officially over and since no one was killed or needs further medical attention we should all probably head to the living room." Alice clapped her hands together, a smile on her face that Vanna White would have been proud of. She started to shoo everyone down the hallway, and I looked at Matt.

"Did you notice?" I waved my hand at the retreating backs feeling a little foolish about having witnesses to our argument.

"Can't say that I did." He shrugged.

"We good?" I asked.

"Yeah." He nodded at me and then in the direction that our audience had gone. "I think that we have some explaining to do."

"Yeah." It was my turn to nod. Only at least we would be going together.

It was hard to make a living room as large as the Cullen's feel crowded but there were far too many emotions running high in the room.

Seth and Jacob were sitting on opposite ends of the couch stiff and ill at ease; Alice was hovering by a slightly open window and Dan was waiting for us by the door tenser than anyone else. They all looked at me as I entered, Matt a step behind.

"See, I told you he wasn't going to kill me little brother." I reached out and gave his arm a squeeze and he instantly relaxed as my eyes floated to Jacob.

Jacob was dressed, in jeans and a t-shirt that he must have borrowed from Emmett; his feet were still bare. He held his hands tightly together in front of him, his arms resting on his legs as he looked at me critically. His emotions were hidden behind a look of stone cold nothingness that made me shiver.

There was no physical sign of the fight on his body, his super healing having taken care of him almost as quickly as he was hurt. There were dark circles under his eyes betraying his tiredness, it was taking every ounce of strength that he had to stay seated and it was obvious the way that his one foot was lightly tapping the ground. He must have ran his hands through is hair a thousand times, the way that it was stuck up in a hundred different angles.

I moved to the chair that sat near where he was sitting on the couch and sat down myself. Trying not to fidget under his scrutinizing gaze the way that he had been before we arrived to take up his attention. Seth cleared his throat at the other end of the couch and shifted uncomfortably. I turned toward him and tried for a smile but knew it looked weak.

"Hi Jake," I said softly.

"What the hell were you doing last night?" he asked. Unlike Matt there was no rage in his tone, just exasperation and curiosity.

"Playing," I shrugged. "Daniel and I got carried away. We weren't thinking so we traveled across the boundary line; I apologize for the trouble that I caused." I said as I motioned toward the youngest of the Wainwright brothers so he would know who I was referring to.

"Why didn't you communicate who you were to us?" He was looking at me almost clinically now, and I frowned.

"I can't. We," I gestured with one hand to included Matt and Dan in my comment, "aren't like you. We are werewolves, Clan, the Moon's children. We don't have any sort of telepathy or hive mind. That's one of the differences between shape-shifters and werewolves." I shrugged. Jacob stood, running a hand through his short cropped hair and I frowned. All be it his hair had never been very long before he met Melika, he had started to let it get somewhat shaggy and I missed the look.

"How did it happen?" He asked me.

"I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." I frowned at him.

"No, you becoming a werewolf? Are Charlie or Renee…?"

"No!" I shook my head firmly. "I was bitten," I tried to gather my thoughts for a moment and then tried to explain myself a little better. "If you are bitten, becoming a traditional werewolf isn't unlike turning into a vampire only you aren't guaranteed to Change. You have a fifty/fifty chance of dying in the process. "

"God damn it Bella, did you learn nothing before you left here?" he looked almost sad.

"You are the last person on the planet who gets to judge me Jacob." I replied. "I never would have left Forks if it hadn't have been for your stupid tribal blood." I was instantly sorry for what I had said but there was no taking it back or wiping the look of extreme pain from his face. I had stuck the lowest blow that I knew how and it had actually succeeded in wounding him. Part of me was surprised, another part glad but mostly I felt miserable. "Jake, I- "

"No Bells, you're right," he nodded his head, his jaw working for a moment as he seemed to look at the floor briefly and then looked up once more. His whole facial features had changed, hardened. He looked the same as two nights ago, angry, sullen and hostile. His eyes were black as night and hard as diamonds. I am sorry you were hurt. Seth will inform Sam and the rest of the Pack of what you all look like. Let us know if you plan to use our grounds to hunt."

"We will." It was Matt that spoke and for a moment Jacob's attention was fixed totally on him. It was a heated stare between the two men. Both were Alpha in their own right, both were strong and capable and both did or had cared for me. Only now Jacob knew my secret and I was sure he suspected the truth that I had alluded to in my letters. Matt had caused a big change in my life and now he knew what the change was.

"I hope you heal quickly." Jake looked at me once more, any feeling of sadness or the residual effects of my words were wiped from his face.

"Thank you for your hospitality," he said over his shoulder to Alice as Seth stood and moved to his side. They were gone from the room before I could breathe another word.

"Jake!" I called out, running out of the room after them only to find the front door slamming in front of me. Matt caught me around the waist to stop me going any further and held me tightly to his chest as I crumpled against him and the tears started to flow.


	8. Part 7

Hi,

Bet you never thought that you would see this story updated. It's been the year from hell for me and so everything but real what's been hitting me in the face has taken a ride on the back burners. I have started a good chunk of work on this story although the next couple of parts are more to set the scene for what is to come. Expect to see more from all the characters, right now is the calm before the storm.

Thanks for taking the time to read. If you feel up to it, drop me a review. Just remember, bare with me, the proverbial you know what is about to hit the fan.

So without further ado...

* * *

><p>Part 7<p>

"You need to get ready." Rosalie came up behind me.

I was sitting on the window seat back in Edward's bedroom. It was raining outside but that wasn't unusual for Washington. In fact the rain was comforting. It fit perfectly with my melancholy mood.

"I know." I replied looking over at her.

If I had looked like a mess earlier, I was sure that I looked worse now. My face was red and puffy from crying, there were dark shadows under my eyes from the exertion of the night before and the evidence of my injuries. I had decided that I wanted alone time a little after eight thirty that morning when I had cried myself out in Mathew's arms over both Jacob and Edward's departures. I had retreated to Edward's room, pulling the throw off the foot of the bed and wrapping myself in it as I chose the window seat to sit and think.

To be honest there isn't much to see around the Cullen house during the day or at night. The wildlife seemed to leave the place alone despite it being situated in the middle of the woods. I think that even the animals knew that they weren't safe around here. It was just strange to me that I always seemed to embrace danger rather than run from it like most people. After all the two loves of my life were a vampire and a shape-shifter and then I ended up entangled with a werewolf. Never once had I realized what danger I was in until it was too late and I found myself not caring about it.

"I'm sorry about Edward." I said in the direction of the open window but I knew Rosalie knew I was talking to her.

"It was tough for him to be here and he knew that it might be too painful in the end. As much as the situation between you and Edward is sad I can't help but glad that it did end. The life of a vampire wasn't for you Isabella." She sat across from me and leaned against the windowsill.

"But I wouldn't be alone then." I shrugged and gave her a sad smile. A small song bird perched on a branch near the window and whistled a tune at us.

"You seem to forget that you aren't alone. You have us and your little Clan." She encouraged me and I nodded my acknowledgment of her statement.

"I just thought that I would have more. A partner, children, grandchildren. I was happy to give it all up for Edward but with Jacob I dreamed and the dreams were perhaps a little grand at times but they were beautiful." I pulled my throw a little tighter around myself.

"Do you want me to call Melika and tell her that today isn't a good idea?" Rosalie looked a little more concerned than earlier.

"No," I shook my head. "I want to get this business with her done quickly so that I can try and enjoy some time with my father before we go back to Peru. I don't have any desire to prolong things. It's painful for more than just me."

"Shall I send Alice up to design you the perfect outfit or do you want to dress yourself?" It was her turn to nod and try and pull me out of myself. It was a secret only to Alice that most of the time I would have rather picked my own clothes then be dressed up like a living doll.

"I'll just wash my face and throw a rain coat on over what I'm wearing now. I don't see any point in trying to get dressed up." I shook my head, throwing off the blanket and walking to the chest of drawers that I had shoved my clothes in. All of Edward's clothes occupied a walk in closet bigger than the kitchen in my home in Peru. I pulled out a pair of socks and shoved them unceremoniously on my feet before heading for the en-suite bathroom.

To say that I looked like I had been crying was an understatement. I sighed in frustration before setting about washing my face. It was a little more awkward then I had thought it was going to be one handed and it didn't seem to matter how hot or cold the water was, I couldn't bring down the puffy look my cheeks had taken on.

Rose walked silently up behind me with a fresh dry towel and motioned for me to dry my face then follow her. I did as she bid, giving up on looking like anything but an emotional wreck today. Perhaps after the death of her husband Melika would understand how I felt and not judge me for it.

Rosalie had me sit down on the window seat again and pulled her make-up kit a little closer to her. She applied a cool cream to my face that smelt like melons and cucumbers and gave relief to the tear swollen skin it touched. Then she went to work with different creams and powders, a little eyeliner, a little mascara some sort of blush or bronzer until a little under five minutes later she stood back, a look of satisfaction on her face.

"Go look." She gave my shoulder a nudge and I headed for the full length mirror. For all the time it took her she had done nothing but make me look like myself again. My face no longer looked puffy and swollen, I was no longer pale with dark circles under my eyes but I looked the slightly more off-white tone that I had become accustomed to dealing with after days spent working in South America. I smiled and turned to her.

"Thank you," I said.

"If you need anything just call and I'll send Matt or Dan for you." She handed me my cell phone and I picked up my purse. "Your truck is waiting for you downstairs. Matt has it warming up."

I left Edward's room and made my way downstairs. Esme stopped me at the bottom to hand me a travel mug of hot tea and a Tupperware full of slices of chocolate brownie. Esme had been doing her best to learn to bake over the last few years and as of late most of her creations had turned out wonderfully a far cry from the disasters that she had started with. She pulled me in for a quick hug and then told me that supper would be ready around six and to call ahead if I couldn't make it. If she was planning dinner then she was upset about Edward's quick departure and that was my fault.

Her hurt feelings did nothing to help my melancholy mood. Neither did Dan standing by my truck looking concerned. I looked around the car port; there was no sign of Matt or anyone else but Dan there.

"He went for a run with Emmett." Dan said.

"Oh." I nodded opening the car door, placing the flask and Tupperware inside.

"He doesn't know how to help you Iz. It bothers him. He's not used to feeling useless." He supplied.

"I know." I nodded and impulsively hugged the youngest of the Wainwright brothers. He lazily wrapped his arms around me and set his chin on the top of my head.

"I could come with you if you like." He offered.

"Wouldn't help." I answered him, resting my head against his chest and pulling on a little of the strength that Clan men were so well known for. He sighed in contentment.

"Get going. Call if you are going to be out later then you thought." He held me at arm's length and nudged me toward my car.

"Ok." I nodded, getting in and pushing the clutch down as I manipulated the old gears into reverse. I gave her a little too much gas and she lurched backward and then stalled. Dan looked alarmed and I started to laugh. I forgot how temperamental the old truck could be. I caressed the wheel for a moment, happy to be reunited with an old friend.

"Maybe you should take the Volvo." Dan suggested as I started the engine once more and engaged the reverse. I waved off his concern and then with a remembered smoothness slid out of the car port and onto the driveway. I fiddled with the dials on the stereo that had been replaced by Emmett not long after the Italy incident an old CD was playing through the speakers that had also been upgraded at some point or another.

If only someone had thought to upgrade the engine too.

As it stood the truck still struggled with any speed over fifty-five miles an hour. I think my father and the rest of the Cullen men preferred it that way. After all the look on my father's face when he found out that not only had Jacob taught me to ride a motorcycle but I owned one was one that I wasn't too fond of ever seeing again.

His face must have turned twelve shades of purple and for the first time in our friendship or rather strange relationship my father ran Jacob out of the house with a shotgun. I was banned from seeing him for one horrible week. For a moment it even seemed that Edward and my father were on good terms he was so angry with Jake and I for risking my life on crazy metal death machines.

I decided on the long way to La Push, the coastal route. I had forgotten how even in the rain it was beautiful, the dark gray cliffs, the evergreen trees and always green grass. At this time of year wildflowers were starting to bloom creating patches of color to break up the sameness. All with the waves lapping rhythmically at the bottom of the cliffs it made for a peaceful scene.

It was strange to be back here. So normal to be in my rust bucket of a truck heading for La Push and Jacob's home. Only, I reminded myself as I pulled into a turnout that over looked the cliff I had jumped from years ago, it wasn't the home that Jacob and Billy had shared together anymore. He lived in a new house with his imprint. I stopped truck and sat there for a moment, looking at the cliff that I had tried my hand at cliff diving unsuccessfully that day.

I shuddered, not from cold but from the memory as I slid the truck back into first and pulled back out onto the road. I refused to turn the heat up because of a memory and instead pulled my raincoat a little tighter around me.

It didn't take me long to pull into La Push and not much longer to pass Billy's house. From the outside it looked so similar to what I remembered. The only difference was the coat of whitewash that someone had recently put on the house and the garage had been painted a brick red. Otherwise Jacob's motorcycle still sat out front along with a lifted Toyota that just didn't seem Billy's style.

I drove on past and it didn't take me long to come to Melika's little blue house. Her Camry was parked on the gravel driveway and the lights were on in the living room. I pulled in careful not to park too close to her much nicer car. A head peeked around the curtains in one of the side bedrooms and Melika was at the door before I had turned the engine of the truck off.

I pulled my hood up to protect myself from the downpour and opened the truck door. I was grateful that I had chosen a pair of rubber boots from the closet as I jumped out and landed in a small water puddle. I gritted my teeth as I closed my door and turned toward the house. Melika was smiling at me as I entered the porch and pulled my hood down again.

"I wasn't sure that you were going to come. I heard about last night." She greeted me and offered to take my jacket.

"I told you I would hear you out." I replied, holding the brownies that Esme had made like a peace offering between us. She took them graciously and led the way down a small hallway to the kitchen in the back.

"Jacob was pretty upset today. He said that you were hurt." She said as she filled a kettle with water and set it on the stove. I stood in the doorway awkwardly. She turned and smiled at me and I was reminded again that if things were different then I would probably like the woman in front of me.

"Could have been worse." I shrugged. "I should be healed up in a week or two. It's no big deal." She gestured for me to take a seat at her kitchen table and I obliged her, trying to shake the awkwardness that was seeping into the room.

She had a pretty kitchen. The windows had blue gingham curtains. The sink and appliances were stainless steel. Her counter tops were clean and eggshell white, the same color as the linoleum on the floor. Her small kitchen table had been created to fit four comfortably and was made of a light pine. The chairs even matched. Looking at them I was sure that Jacob had made them for her and someone else had made her blue gingham cushions to match her curtains. She suited the room.

For a moment as small as it was, it reminded me of Emily's kitchen. That girl could cook up a storm! She had, had to for so long being the only imprint, the only woman that understood the insatiable appetite that the Quileute Pack shared. Then after I came alone, Emily and I had spent hours while the boys were out patrolling cooking and coming up with new recipes in her kitchen. I picked at my thumb nail as the memory caused an ache in my stomach.

"He said that you scared him pretty bad last night going from wolf to girl in the blink of an eye." She pulled two mugs out of the cupboard above the stove and me out of my land of day dreams. "Would you like tea or coffee?"

"Tea would be great." I replied "It wasn't the plan to announce that I had been Bitten while I was home. If I hadn't been hurt and Jacob so intent on permanently ending my existence I wouldn't have Changed back at all."

"He said you were pretty mad at him when you woke up this morning." She pulled out a few different boxes of tea and held them up in front of me. I pointed to a box of mint tea. It would warm me from the inside out and hopefully help settle the nerves in my stomach.

"I've been mad at him for years." I opened the box of brownies as she poured water over the tea bags that she had put in the mugs. The smell of mint tea intermingled with the smell of chamomile and honeysuckle. Both were calming teas, I was glad to know that I wasn't the odd one out with my nervousness.

"But you sent him all those letters? They didn't sound angry." She brought over our tea and some napkins to put the brownies on.

"It is totally possible to be mad at someone that you care about and never find reason to tell them." I played with the spoon and teabag that she had left in the mug, anything to avoid looking at her as she sat down opposite me. "The letters were just a way for me to intrude in his life. I never knew if he had read them or not and I never thought that I would actually see him again."

"He liked it when they came. Billy would deliver one and he would be in a better mood for days after." Melika said as she put a brownie on her napkin I gave her a look that displayed my disbelief. "I've tried to tell you Isabella, I'm no more in love with Jacob then he is with me."

"You forget, I've seen imprinting up close." I put a brownie of my own on my napkin to pick at. Anything to give my hands something to do, the problem with our conversation was that I had envied the imprinted perhaps for too long.

I had seen how Sam was with Emily. He loved her despite his love for Leah, even though the incredible amount of pain that Leah had gone through. Emily loved him unconditionally even though he had permanently damaged her face. Sam didn't even seem to mind the scaring. I had wished for it over and over again for Jacob and myself as I sat in Emily's kitchen watching her with her fiancé.

Then there was Jared and Kim. They were sickening the way that they acted together. It was like the sun rose and set on the other and they could do no wrong. Kim was so sweet and shy which complemented Jared's class clown act, when he was with her she came out of her shell and he seemed to calm in her presence.

The case of Quil and Claire never came up in polite conversation and much to Jacob's anger Paul the most volatile of the wolves had imprinted on his sister Rachael. Only unlike Jacob I could never be quite as angry about the change that came over Paul once Rachael had her hands on him.

All of them, every single last pair was in love to the point of causing vomiting if you were stuck in a room with them for too long and yet Melika persisted that she didn't love Jacob. It was enough to make me start to get mad. The woman in front of me had everything that I wanted and she didn't care for it at all.

"I know Isabella that it is hard to see past the likes of Emily and Sam but look at Quil and Claire. She is barely ten years old. You aren't implying that something romantic is going on there are you? Imprints are supposed to be whatever it is the other needs them to be." Her voice had taken on a pleading tone

"I don't know what the deal with Quil and Claire is but to tell you the truth I find it very creepy." I answered honestly and she chuckled for a moment. It wasn't a nervous sort of chuckle either; it was like I had said out loud what she had been thinking.

"I used to think so too but that little girl's father is never around. Because of Quil's need to be around Claire, her mother has gotten a good job and the family is generally doing better." Melika shrugged, finishing off her brownie. I looked down at the one that I had barely picked at and shrugged.

"So what do you need from Jake?" I asked cautiously.

"I wonder that myself sometimes but it seems like it is always changing. At first I needed someone in my life that was constantly there. Then because the Elders demanded it I tried to want him like a lover but I couldn't fool either of us. Now, he's just a friend, like a best friend." She shrugged, her brown eyes twinkling as she talked fondly of Jacob. "Part of me has always been scared of you. Jacob's Bella. I thought that you would realize through the Cullens or even Billy that things weren't right between Jacob and I and sweep in to take him out of my life forever. I may not love him but the idea of a life without him in it frightens me."

"Yeah, Isabella Swan, giant klutz or used to be anyway, world's worst werewolf. So frightening." I couldn't seem to help the lair of self-deprecating sarcasm that underlined my words. I picked some more at my brownie when she didn't say anything. "You didn't have anything to worry about. I made a deal with Sam the night that you and Jake imprinted. I would give up Forks as my permanent residence, never come back to Quileute land and never see Jacob again. In return Sam would make sure that my father was protected at all times if Victoria or any other vampire ever came back."

"Sam wouldn't have-" Melika looked shocked and saddened. "He told you that he would withhold protection from your father?"

"Sam said that the Pack didn't need two heartbroken women around and that Jacob didn't need my emotional weight on his shoulders. So yes, he said that for the good of the Pack if I insisted on staying in Forks or if I ever came back to Quileute land that he wouldn't protect my father anymore. I couldn't take the risk at the time and truth be told, I didn't want to be here either. I needed to try to heal." I took a gulp of tea to try and wash away the lump that had gathered in my throat. "Jake told you I blamed him for my being a werewolf this morning didn't he?" I asked a few moments later.

"Yes." She nodded setting her mug down. "He doesn't blame you for blaming him either. He blames himself for a lot. It's part of what has been eating at him for years, I think it's part of his crusade against Victoria, I think it's the reason for his reckless behavior. I think that he has been dealing with a depression that we can't begin to understand for years now."

"Oh, I can understand it. Jacob saved me from it a long time ago." I shrugged. "I even jumped off a cliff once. Jake had to rescue me like so many other times, like the time I crashed my motorcycle or the time that Laurent found me in the woods or I tripped walking across the floor of his garage." I found myself telling her with a slight laugh and she smiled at me.

"You really do love him don't you Isabella Swan?" Melika sighed, a look of content on her face.

"Unfortunately I was never able to stop." I said sadly.

"That's not unfortunate." She reached forward and covered my hand with hers. I looked down at her hand, the way that it covered mine made my hands look giant next to hers. Her skin was soft and warm to the touch and despite the desire to pull my hand out from under hers I made myself hold still.

"I don't see how it can possibly be of relevance."

"Of course it is. I think that the way that you can help Jacob is by loving him." She released my hands and snapped the lid of the Tupperware back in place over the brownies and in a rush like I hadn't seen her in before she cleared away the napkins, my half eaten brownie and both mugs of half-finished tea.

"Don't be silly. That ship sailed a long time ago!" I protested as she grabbed a rain jacket from a peg by the door and scooped up her car keys that were hanging next to the jacket.

"Come on!" She thrust my rain jacket at me and motioned for me to get up and put it on. I stood, putting on my jacket and pulling up the hood before zipping the front.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"You'll see." She told me and opened the backdoor. I followed her somewhat perplexed by her motivation to suddenly leave her house with me in tow. She opened her car and for a moment I looked longingly at my truck until I realized that I didn't know where we were going and it was so temperamental I wasn't sure that we would make decent time getting anywhere.

"Will we be back before five or do I need to call Matt and tell him that I'm not going to be home in time for supper?" I asked.

"We aren't going far and I'll let you decide what you want to do once we get there." She answered.

"Okay." I said hesitantly, shutting the car door and putting on my seat belt. For some reason I wasn't in the mood to argue with her and tried to relax as she pealed out of her driveway and took off down the road at well above the speed limit. My hand involuntarily gripped the door handle as I forced myself to stay calm.

The fact of the matter was Melika drove like a maniac.

We drove by the main road out of La Push toward the town of Forks and I found myself fighting the urge to tell her that my father didn't think I arrived in town until later tonight, not to mention how pissed off he would be if he found out I saw her and Jacob before him.

Jacob was still persona non grata number one on my father's list, Melika being a close runner up.

I saw where we were going long before we slowed and pulled into the red gravel driveway. I was frozen in shock, my mouth hanging slightly open. I couldn't seem to get myself to move as she put the car in park next to a much refurbished VW Rabbit that I couldn't help but recognize.

The Rabbit wasn't the only thing that had been refurbished. Melika had brought me to _my _house. The one that I had dragged Jacob to see almost seven years ago. The wraparound porch was restored, the house itself painted white with green trim and storm shutters. The roof had been re-tiled in red tile. The windows had glass panes in them. The garden had been landscaped to mimic a country cottage. The house was exactly like I had described it to Jake all those years ago right down to the matching rocking chairs on the porch by the front door.

I couldn't swallow hard enough to get rid of the lump forming in my throat. My head was throbbing and spinning all at once and the mixture of tea and brownie in my stomach increased the feeling of nausea tenfold. I was hot and cold all at once and suddenly I felt like being in the car was suffocating me.

Melika looked slightly alarmed as I fumbled with the door handle. My palms were so sweaty that I couldn't get a good grip and when I did the cool wet air was so refreshing that I didn't even bother with the hood of my rain jacket. Instead I bolted for the closest bush which was next to the low stone wall that surrounded the property. I gripped the wall for support before emptying the contents of my stomach.


	9. Part 8

So since I have had some time over the last few days I've gotten part 8 done to where I feel happy enough with it and thought, hell why not, it's been a year since I updated so I may as well update twice in one week.

I just want to thank everyone so much for the reviews, they have really motivated me to get my butt into gear with this story again so please feel free to keep motivating me, your thoughts and comments really help.

Thanks

All That's Left Is A Girl

* * *

><p>Part 8<p>

How do I even begin to try and explain the emotions that were running through my body? I squeezed my eyes shut determined to block the flow of tears that were threatening again. All this emotion was getting to be a little too much for me. But I hadn't allowed myself to feel for so long that it was bound to get overwhelming at some point or another. The emotional core of who I was, was feeling everything that I had so often refused to let myself feel as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and stood up straight again.

My house of dreams looked perfect from the outside and I was sure that if I went inside I would find things the way that I had gushed about so many years ago when I was still such a silly teenager. The outside was perfect; I didn't see how the inside could be any different. I turned and looked at the wraparound porch and it's twin rocking chairs. The green storm shutters were open, revealing white trimmed and quartered casement windows that were closed tightly against the rain outside. A line of smoke trickled lazily out of the chimney at the top of the house.

If I closed my eyes I could imagine the rain away. I could see my dream coming to life in front of me. I could imagine walking out of the front door of the house on a beautiful sunny day, preceded by my children, their father right behind me, his hand placed in the small of my back. I shook my head trying to rid my mind of the painful imagery.

"Come on, I'll take you inside." Melika was suddenly at my side. I swallowed hard, wiping the drops of rain out of my face along with my now sodden hair. "We'll grab you a couple of towels so you can dry off and some water if you want."

"No!" I asserted. "You can take me back to my truck. I've seen and heard enough." I shook my head wildly and moved back to her Camry. The passenger door was still flung wide open and I slid into the slightly damp seat and closed it behind me.

"I didn't mean to upset you." She started the car back up and more carefully then before backed out of the little cottage's driveway. "You just needed to be reminded that not only do you still love him but that you're _in_ love with him."

"God, did you not hear a word that I said to you?" I turned almost viscously on her as she started the short drive back to her house. "I have always loved him. I don't need convincing of that fact, I gave up eternal life and love because I knew that as much as I loved Edward, Jacob was my sun and that living a life without him would be unbearable. Somehow over the last six years I managed to bare it I was coming to terms with my life and then you show me that house!" I was almost shouting at her and to her credit she barely flinched. "Would I have come here to meet you, the woman that took the future that that house represented from me if I wasn't still in love the man that you have? He's a wonderful person Melika. He is smart and funny, he's good with his hands. He's creative and fun loving. He is loyal to a fault; he is passionate, strong, dangerous, protective! You have the most amazing person in the world at your fingertips and you don't even care. To you it's not good enough, it's trash!"

She said nothing against my tirade and we fell into silence. Only the rain on the windshield followed by the mechanical sound of the windshield wipers pierced the silence. Quickly enough we were back at her house. I jumped out of her car and headed straight for my truck, opening the driver's side door.

"Isabella!" Melika's voice called after me and I froze. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I never did." I turned to face her.

"I know." I nodded. "Tell Jacob that the house is beautiful, perfect." With that I climbed back into my truck, started up the old engine and backed out of her driveway.

I didn't drive far. Only about the five minutes that it took to get to First Beach. I threw my truck back into park and killed the engine. I was angry, so angry that I slammed the door of the truck shut and then screamed at it just for good measure before stalking away from the parking lot and onto the beach. The beach was ragged, the waves brown with white tips as the storm drug up the sand and silt from the ocean bottom.

The rain splattered my face along with the mist from the sea. It smelt like seaweed and salt water. It felt like I had come back to one of my favorite places only to find it ravaged and there was a devastating sadness that came with it. I had given all this up. I had left here to make sure that my father was protected. I had given up a life I had fought hard for and now because I was here again I wasn't sure what was going to happen next.

Had I destroyed what remained of my relationship with Edward?

Had I taken away the only protection that my father had?

Had I hurt what little family I had left too much even for them?

I picked up a sea smoothed stone and weighed it in my hand, turning it over with my fingers as I walked down the beach in the rain. How many years had it been ground between the sand and the unrelenting ocean before it had come to rest in peace on the sand at my feet. I took a deep breath, squeezing the pebble tightly in my hand as I looked out at the rock formations the ocean was beating against.

How long would it be before the relentless pounding the waves gave them made them disintegrate to nothing more than the pebble in my hand? The last time I had stood on this beach I was sure that I wouldn't be alive to witness that disintegration happen. Now I wasn't so sure. Clan had a tendency to live a very long time.

Ian Wainwright, Matt and Dan's father was the eldest that I had met and he was slowly creeping toward his eight-hundredth year of life. In Europe, I'd been told that there were those that were even older. Oh, we could die, we were just harder to kill then most and diseases didn't affect us the way they did humans. According to Dan most werewolves who were Made started to go mad after three or four hundred years and when they got dangerous enough they were 'taken care of'. That had once been a job that Matt had done for his father or in the absence of his father.

Standing here, looking at the waves beat up the Washington coast I could understand why so many went mad. So much can change in a year or two, I couldn't begin to understand what all would be different just here in this spot in fifty to one hundred years or longer.

Another wave of anger hit me.

I threw that pebble at the waves as hard as I could. It didn't have to make sense but if the preverbal waves of life were going to keep tossing me up against the rocks that pebble was going to have the same fate. There had been a time where immortality had appealed very strongly to me but not anymore! All I wanted was a life filled with all the trimmings. I wanted a place to call my own where I could grow old and raise a family but no, instead of having that opportunity, I had my house of dreams thrown in my face.

"Melika told me what happened today." Jacob's voice said from a few feet behind me. I looked down at my feet. I hadn't heard him come up behind me but I was so deep in my thoughts that, that didn't surprise me. He was the last person that I had wanted to see at that moment anyway, why would I have been listening for him. "I called the Cullens. They said that they hadn't heard from you and you weren't at their house. I figured that you might have come here."

"I was just leaving." I replied but couldn't actually find the will to move.

"You're getting soaked" He said.

"So are you." I replied with a shrug.

"You're going to make yourself sick." He tried again.

"And why do you care?" I snapped, turning around to face him. He was dressed the same as he had been that morning, only now his clothing was soaking wet and clinging to his body. Even without the steam coming off his skin he looked like a Greek god and for a moment I hated him for it. Why did he have to always manage a look of brooding perfection?

"Bells," He said my nickname in such a way that it almost sounded torturous.

"No! Don't you dare!" I yelled at him, pushing the hair that had fallen in my face away with my good hand. "You don't get to care. You broke your promise! You broke my heart into little tiny pieces!"

"It broke my heart too Bella but I couldn't stop it from happening. Ask Embry or Seth or whoever it is you do trust, I went almost mad those first few weeks because even though I had imprinted it wasn't the way that it was meant to be. I didn't love her and I couldn't make myself and you were gone. Charlie wouldn't take my calls. Esme said that it was best if her family only dealt with Sam from then on." He was rambling. I stood and stared at him in disbelief. The last thing I had expected was a confession. "Then your letter came and you told me to leave you alone. The Elders, even my own father told me that I needed to let you go and get on with my life with my soul-mate but I couldn't because it was all wrong."

"If it was so wrong, why didn't you try and find me?" I yelled at him, throwing my arms in the air in frustration.

"You told me to let you go Bells, that and I didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow or the next day." I could hear frustration that mirrored my own filling his voice too. "I knew that no matter what happened in my life that Melika was going to be a part of it and Sam kept talking about Leah and did I want that to happen to you when I'd already hurt you enough."

"I needed you Jake!" I cried, tears openly mixing with the rain and the mist off the sea and I didn't care. Let him see how broken he had left me. Let him see the fault lines and that bad patch jobs. "There were times I couldn't breathe and thought that I wouldn't be able to ever again. I got up in the morning and I did things but I wasn't there. I was dead inside!"

"But your letters-" His voice trailed off and his shoulders slumped forward in defeat.

"I told you over and over again how much I missed you and wanted you in my life but why would I dwell on that? There were so many other interesting things happening in my life. Why would I fill those letters with all the bad times and the despair and need and longing? So you and your soul-mate could laugh at me from afar? So you could call my pain retribution for everything that I had done to you when I thought that Edward was my soul-mate?" I shook my head. "That and I loved you Jacob. For better or worse I loved you and I was in enough pain for both of us for a very long time. I didn't have the will or need to spread it around anymore than I did. I loved you enough to shield you from the fact that for a while I didn't think I was going to survive being abandoned for a second time!"

"Until Mathew came into your life and you decided that you wanted to be a werewolf just like him?" His voice turned into a heavy sneer. "Sounds like a familiar story to me Bells. Always wanting to be something that you're not!"

"You have no right to judge me! I had committed to you, to being human, to living a normal life and after I had grown old and gray dying one day. All with you but you left me remember?" I threw at him and watched my comment connect like a slap to the face. "You were here with another woman and I was trying to find a way to move on with my life! The idea of being alone for the rest of my life frightened me. And just for whatever twisted record we are using, I didn't know Mathew was a werewolf until after he bit me. I didn't choose to be a werewolf; I was Made without my consent."

"Lucky for you though right, now you have someone to be with for the rest of your life." There was still a sneer at the edge of his voice but mostly he looked sad, defeated.

"No." I shook my head, looking down at the sand that separated us instead of at him anymore. "I don't have someone to be with for the rest of my life. That all got taken from me a long time ago. Sure, I love Mathew and he has been a consistent, solid part of my life but he's a friend, a very good friend. I've wished for his sake that I could love him more but when I tried it felt too much like the way I felt with Edward when I got home from Italy and all I could think of was you." I shook my head, trying to clear it as my anger and frustration drained away.

"You aren't with Mathew?" He sounded almost confused and why wouldn't he I realized. From the first time he had seen me in six years to early this morning I was stuck firmly to the side of another man. Matt's protective streak often had possessive ways of manifesting itself and I was so used to it that I didn't think twice about it. We had presented a united front at Melika's when Jacob had surprised me, I had attacked for and been hurt trying to protect Matt, we had presented another united front early that morning in the Cullen's living room. Matt had Made me into Clan. I often deferred to him because he was Alpha of what little pack we had. No wonder it would look to him like I had moved on and probably Melika too.

"No. He is my Alpha, my pack-mate and the closest thing I've had to blood family over the last few years." I shrugged, bringing my eyes up from the ground to look at him after my confession.

He had closed the gap between us when I hadn't been looking and I had to strain my neck slightly to look up at him. He was looking at me with a tenderness that I hadn't seen for six years and the glue that I had used to hold the broken pieces of my heart together cracked as he brought a hand to my face. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as his thumb stroked my cheek.

"Come on. Let me take you home." He practically whispered.

"No." I shook my head and his hand fell away from my face although he didn't move farther from me. I wasn't ready to go home and pack my things so that I could arrive at my father's like nothing had happened over the last couple of days. "I'm not ready to head back to the Cullen's."

"Then come home with me for a while. We can talk." Jacob tried but I shook my head.

"I don't think I can face Melika right now. I was pretty harsh." I explained.

"I don't live with Melika. The house she took you to this morning is where I live." He answered and I blanched slightly. "No pressure Bells but I don't think you should be hiding from a house. Especially not that house, after all it was meant to be yours."

"It's just that I had so many dreams tied in that house when it was nothing more than a mess." I shivered and he nodded his understanding.

"Well it's too cold and wet to stay here so either let me take you home or come dry off at my place for a while." He looked so concerned about me that I nodded my consent and started walking toward my truck again, not surprised to find it still alone in the parking lot. Jacob had a car but around the reservation had hardly ever used it. "Where to?"

"I guess back to your house so that I don't look like a drown rat walking back through the Cullen's door." I handed him the keys to my truck. It was strange that it didn't seem odd even after six years for him to open the passenger door for me and make sure I was in with the door shut before he slide in the driver's seat.

He turned the engine over, fiddling with the dials on the dashboard until the heater was cranked to high and blowing air at us. I knew he didn't need the extra heat but I was soaking wet and chilled to the bone. There were a few things that I envied the Quileute Wolf Pack, their telepathy and their one hundred and seven degree temperature were two of those things.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and hugged my legs to myself as I shivered. I knew I was feeling the cold worse then I should have but I had spent the last year living in Peru where it was almost always warm enough to wear just shorts and a t-shirt.

"Come on Bells," Jacob threw his arm across the back of my bench seat. "It's a hundred and seven degrees over here." I could have cried if I hadn't already been laughing from the memory of the last time he had said that to me.

"I missed you so much Jake!" I whispered. Instead of moving closer to him as he put the truck into gear and headed out on the road, I curled in on myself and leant against the passenger door. I could talk with him but to get close was to put myself in danger again.

The drive back to the little white and green house took longer then I remembered it taking in Melika's Camry. It was a quiet drive, I had managed to turn my stereo off sometime between Melika's house and first beach and Jacob hadn't bothered to turn it on so neither did I. Between the warmth radiating off the man next to me and out of the car heaters I was feeling less like a frozen Popsicle and more like a person frozen in time too afraid to stretch out and move again.

I chewed nervously on my thumb nail as he slowed to turn into his driveway, the tires of the car made the gravel pop and crunch and then we were still. Parked next to Jacob's refurbished Rabbit once more. When he killed the engine it made me shudder. All I could hear was his breathing next to me and the steady beating of the rain against the windshield.

I looked through the rain streaked window at the house, using every ounce of will that I had to stop thinking about it as the house I should have had. It took a moment, maybe ten before I let out a shuddering breath I didn't realize that I had been holding. I blinked and while the residual of heartache and memories that surrounded my house of dreams was still there I felt more at peace.

"What do I have to do to get in your head Bells?" I felt almost startled when his smooth baritone filled the truck.

"I wish I knew." I answered, looking over at him and giving him a weak sort of smile. "Then I could let myself in."

"Come inside." He stepped out of the truck and closed the door behind him. I sat there still frozen in place when he moved to the passenger side and opened the door for me. "Come on Swan, if you don't get moving by yourself you're going to force me to carry you and we all know how much you love to be carried."

He was right.

I hated to be carried.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming." I unlocked my arms from around my legs and stretched them. Muscle, ligaments and joints protested as I slide out of the truck, holding onto the familiar rusted metal for support for a minute while feeling coursed back through my legs.

I followed Jacob to the front door of the house, my hand trailing lazily along the rail of the porch and then the arm of one of the rocking chairs. I smiled to myself, the haunting images of children laughing and playing in the front yard making my breath hitch in my throat for a moment.

"They wanted me to tear down the building when I first bought the place." Jake was saying when I focused my attention back to him. He slipped the key in the door and held it open for me. I made my way into the hallway "I didn't have the heart to so I went about fixing it. It's a good thing the house is mostly made of wood. I know how to deal with wood." He followed me inside and before I had gotten more than a step or two he put his hands on my shoulders. "You don't need a rain jacket inside." He said softly.

I nodded and shrugged out of the jacket, handing it to him as I took in the hallway. It almost looked bare except for the coat hooks on the wall like it hadn't been totally decorated yet. The floors were made of white oak; the walls were papered in a neutral shade of beige.

I didn't have to explore to understand the layout of the house. I must have spent hours studying the prospectus. There were three doors on either side of the hallway with a staircase that went upstairs to the master suite at the end. On the right hand side were the living room, dining room and kitchen. There was a small mud room attached to the kitchen where I had imagined putting a washer and dryer and a door that lead out into the sizable backyard.

On the left hand side was the downstairs bedroom with an en suite, a bathroom with a shower instead of a tub and a room that could be used as a spare room, study or second living room. According to the prospectus it had once been a music room.

As I stood there staring, Jacob had disappeared down the hallway and it wasn't until he reappeared in the doorway of the downstairs bathroom that I pulled myself out of the trance I was in. He stood in the bathroom door, towel drying his hair minus the t-shirt that he had been wearing earlier.

I bit my bottom lip.

"There are towels on the shelf in the bathroom. Give me a minute and I'll bring you a pair of sweats to wear." He seemed oblivious to the stare I was giving him but then I had always thought that he was oblivious to his own good looks.

"For some reason, I don't think your sweats are going to fit me." I shook my head.

"I have a couple of pairs of Leah's here. I'm sure that will do the trick." He moved out of the bathroom and down the hallway to the staircase and I slipped into the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later I was sitting on the couch, my legs curled into my side, an afghan covering my legs in front of the fireplace. Jacob had stuck with neutral earthy tones from what I had seen of the house and hard wood floors in all the room but the bathroom and I also suspected the kitchen where large slate tiles covered the floors. The fireplace was made out of stacked slate and the chimney was floor to ceiling and I was sure I remembered there being another fireplace that joined it in the master bedroom. Jacob had created a mantel that went with the wood floor and trimmed the inside windows. It created a beautiful focal point for the room.

"This place is better than I ever imagined." I said as he walked in the living room, two mugs in his hands.

"Leah called it a labor of love." He replied placing a mug of hot chocolate in my hands that was loaded to the brim with mini-marshmallows. I smiled; it was the way that he had made me hot chocolate for as long as I could remember.

"How are you really Jake?" I asked him, holding my mug in front of me almost like a security blanket as he sat in the seat next to the couch.

"Who have you been talking to?" He tried to laugh it off and I frowned. I knew when he was hiding behind a sense of false bravado.

"Come on Jacob." I looked at him over the brim of my mug as I sipped at the chocolate. It was dark and rich, the marshmallows giving it just an extra hint of sweetness.

"Yeah, it's been rough at times but you said that yourself." He shrugged, still trying to play down what I had been hearing.

"You didn't let yourself get bit? You didn't come within an inch of drug addiction? You didn't almost get Seth killed?" I quit trying the indirect route and went straight to the heart of the matter. His face darkened and he put his mug on a coaster on what looked like a handmade coffee table that was a shade darker then the wood in the room and matched the darker brown of the couch I was sitting on.

"For the record, no one ever tries to get themselves bit. Victoria is uncannily fast and I wasn't quite fast enough. I am not a drug addict." He said almost defensively and I cleared my throat and gave him a knowing look. "Okay, so I may have taken the pain killers a little longer then I needed to but I did stop." I looked into my mug at that confession and closed my eyes for a moment. "Bells," His voice sounded strangled.

"I'm just sorry. I never wanted that for you. Sue painted the picture of complete happiness when she spoke with me and as sad as I was I didn't want it not to be true." I couldn't help myself, I reached out and took one of his much larger hands in mine and squeezed tightly. The heat from his hand traveled though mine up my arm and tickled the back of my eyes.

"I'm okay now Bells, I promise." He squeezed back.

"Then why are you still chasing her?" I asked.

"To keep you safe." The answer was blunt, honest even.

"I didn't need you to keep me safe." I shook my head.

"I needed to do something that would keep me connected to you." He took my mug from my hands and placed it on a coaster next to his own before getting up and sitting down next to me on the couch.

"And hunting a vampire was your idea of a good something to do?" I took a deep breath in as I looked at the ceiling and then back at him. "Of all the idiotic, irresponsible and downright dangerous things to do you had to choose to hunt Victoria? Did you stop to think at any time what it would be like for me to find out that you'd been hurt or even killed because of that insane bitch? My god, I don't know what I would have done, how I would have survived…"

Despite the fact that a very hale and living Jacob sat right in front of me, images of his broken and defiled body flashed before my eyes, limbs broken, throat torn out, body ripped apart… Images that were burning into my retinas and forming a collage that threatened to stop my heart as well as my breath. I could feel my own struggle for breath, the first sign of any panic attack, as living, lively brown eyes clouded over and turned an unnatural dead glassy blue.

Suddenly, strong fingers were digging into the back of my neck, attached to a hand that's searing heat was pressed against the side of my neck and my lower jaw. An arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me forward till I came to rest against solid muscle that moved forward and back in time with the steady breath that whooshed in and out of working lungs. His heartbeat had picked up a slightly faster tempo then just minutes before but wasn't frantic and more importantly was strong.

A few moments later and I could hear his voice again, soft, insistent and calm. "Come on Bells, breathe. That's right honey, just let yourself breathe. Just breathe baby. Come on Bells, just nice deep breaths." Over and over again until I realized that I was already breathing.

His hands were still holding me, one in my hair, the other around my waist. When he had shifted my position on the couch he had lifted me up on his lap and had cradled me against his chest. His face was pressed against the side of my head, his lips next to my ear. A tear leaked out of the corner of my eye and dropped to his shoulder only to be followed by another.

"Easy there honey. I'm okay. You're okay. We're all going to be okay." Jacob was still muttering in my ear as I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on tightly.

"But it's not." I whispered, barely recognizing the sound of my own voice. "This was all a very bad idea. We walk out of this room and you are still imprinted on Melika, I am still a werewolf and my father will be without protection the first time you shift around anyone who will let Sam see our interaction. Too much has changed for us to try and pick up our friendship where it was left all those years ago before we were lovers."

"What do you mean your father will be without protection when Sam finds out you've been here?" Jacob pulled back slightly so he could tip my face up to look him in the eye. He looked concerned and confused.

"That was the deal. I stayed away from you, from La Push and my father would be protected. I didn't and…" I couldn't put the consequences into words. How could I openly admit to him that I had been so desperate to make sure that he was alright that I had had a blatant disregard for my father's wellbeing? What kind of being did that make me? He tugged me close again as his face darkened and his brows furled in on themselves.

"I promise that your father will be protected." He said softly as I went against what my brain was telling me was smart and allowed myself to relax into the comfort he was offering, the comfort of a best friend. I sighed, putting my head on his shoulder.

I was already damned it was hard to make anything worse than that.


	10. Part 9

Hello!

After yet another mammoth absence I have returned with Part 9. Think of Part 9 as a transition chapter, it's the breathing space that I needed to get to the mess to come and my way of getting Leah back where I needed her to be, she has a part to play in what is to come that's quite important but I've always wanted her to have more opportunities and to live a little life.

Thank you all for the reviews, they motivate the creative mind and have stopped me ripping my hair out many times so please keep them coming. I am hoping to have Part 10 up in two or so weeks but I've hoped for lots of things but keep watching this space, I will be back!

All That's Left Is A Girl (and Part 9 for now)

* * *

><p>Part 9<p>

It had been five days since I sat in Jacob's living room.

I hadn't heard from him since then and by agreement I hadn't sought him out.

Edward had disappeared without a backward glance and who could blame him.

The Quileute Wolf Pack hadn't tried to contact me and I hadn't tried to contact them.

Matt had gone fishing with my father in some weird attempt to make Charlie like him.

I had been left to entertain myself or as Matt hoped, take some time to relax.

All it did was give me time to think about how little things had changed in the world that I had grown up in. Forks, was so similar to when I left that I sometimes wondered if there was some strange time warp around the town. The dinner had the same food served by the same servers. The grocery story sold the same products and the same prices. The little bookstore and coffee shop had managed not to be taken over by a chain like Starbucks or Barnes and Nobles. If it hadn't been for the likes of Angela's little hippy boutique and the changes that Mike had made to Newton's I might have believed a little more in my time warp theory.

It was an unseasonably warm day at least for spring with temperatures climbing into the late seventies so I had taken advantage of the lack of rain or a cloud in the sky and curled up outside on a deck chair in the backyard. I had started the morning by finishing the artifact cataloging that I had brought with me, defrosted and then put steaks in a marinade to go with the broccoli and mashed potatoes that I planned on making for dinner, had a quick lunch of left over spaghetti and then indulged myself with a little red wine, dark chocolate and Pride and Prejudice. Really anything to get my mind off the itching splint that Carlisle had insisted had to stay on my arm for another three days and the fact that I was alone again. At least Carlisle had relented and taken the hard cast off.

Jacob had been a taboo subject in my father's house and my attempts to talk to Matt about everything that had happened with Jacob and Melika had been quashed. He didn't want to talk about or have to deal with anything to do with the Quileute Pack unless he absolutely had to and that more than included Jacob Black. I felt bad about it too because I was sure his reluctance to deal with them had to do with the fact he missed his own Clan and Jacob was one of the main things that was stood in the way of me changing my mind and all of us returning to the welcoming seclusion of the Clan.

I heaved a contented sigh, closing my book.

I loved the moment that Elizabeth realized that she was in love with Mr. Darcy. It was a moment of complete devastation where she felt that all hope for love had been lost and that her own circumstances were beyond repair.

What I never understood was why in books it always takes moments of complete devastation for the heroine to realize that she is truly in love? Why can't a story just start with a love so strong that nothing can tear it up and it stay that strong from the start of the story to the finish? I guess that made my own turning point a little ironic. Jacob's life wasn't in danger when I realized that I had fallen in love with him, mine was.

Soft foot falls echoed against the side of the house, the light breeze brought the scent of disinfectant, old blood, vanilla and lemon body wash and caramel floating from behind me. I smiled despite myself but stayed still. The footsteps were slow, each foot placed gently and deliberately one in front of the other in an attempt to sneak up on me or test my reflexes or perhaps both.

"Trying your hand at sneaking around Clearwater?" I asked, setting my book on the ground under my chair.

"I'd heard that you really are a wolf girl now, can't say I believed the rumors right away." Leah said as I turned to look at the tall Quileute girl standing behind me, her arms crossed as she looked at me quietly apprising me.

"Do you now?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I hoped for your sake it wasn't true." She smiled at me.

"Leah, it's good to see you!" I exclaimed getting quickly to my feet and hugging her. She laughed hugging me back enthusiastically. "What are you doing here?"

"Sam made me come home from school. Seems like there was another wolf pack running around on our territory. It's freaking him out, he wanted reinforcements." She raised an eyebrow at me as I stepped back. I couldn't say that I was surprised that Sam was calling in the reinforcements but it did sting a little.

"I understand that but what are you doing_ here_ as in speaking with the big bad enemy?" I asked, glad to see her but unsure what to expect.

Leah had hated me and I had hated her attitude when I first met her. Only problem was that we both understood each other. Leah and I had a rough start but in the short time that I was with the Pack and allowed to be with Jacob, her and I had found a way to be friends. I had always been sure that she missed having a bond with another female after Emily betrayed her in her eyes with Sam. It turned out that we had been what each other had needed. I had even managed for a while to bridge the gap that separated her and Emily; unfortunately it hadn't lasted after I left.

"Being that we are both destructive elements to the Pack I thought that we could use some safety in numbers. That and Charlie loves me." Leah grinned wickedly. "So tell me about the wolf thing?" She pulled a chair up alongside mine and leaned in like she figured the story would make for juicy gossip.

"Only if you will tell me about medical school Dr. Clearwater." I bargained sitting down again.

"Sure but somehow I think your story is going to be a lot more interesting." She draped herself almost lazily in her lawn chair.

"Where to start?" I shook my head. "I met Dan and Matt in Collage."

"And they are the other werewolves?" Her gaze was steady like my story was the most interesting thing she had heard in years.

"Yes. I didn't know that when we first met, that they were werewolves I mean. Rosalie didn't like them much but then she didn't really like anyone I liked so that was no big surprise. I didn't realize that her instincts were telling her that Matt and Dan were dangerous." I laughed.

"If it's possible to like vampires, then I would have to admit that I didn't hate the blonde bitchy one like I did the rest of the Cullen clan." Leah laughed with me.

"Yeah, that's right Clearwater, laugh it up." I nudged her knee with my bare toes. "Isabella Swan is too stupid to know when she's hanging around werewolves."

"Yeah, yeah whatever. So what happened?"

"Matt was charming, good looking and so serious that it made him seem silly sometimes. He's smart and good with his hands and so passionate about the things that he loves. He reminded me of Jacob. He spent so much time pursuing me, just like Jake did and Rosalie and Emmett were gone and there was a collage party and lots of alcohol…" I sighed. The rest didn't need to be said, the implication hung in the air along with the blush that reddened my cheeks.

"Oh my god Swan, you didn't?" She exclaimed, throwing her head back and howling. My face was burning I was blushing so hard. That was the part of my own tale that I didn't like. I wasn't known for making great decisions but it was the first time in my life I had gotten drunk and had a one night stand.

"What? Like you never did anything stupid all in the name of trying to get over Sam or even back at him?" I protested knowing that I had talked her out of many a hair brained idea to make her Alpha's life a misery.

"Wasn't preaching that. Shit, ask Paul what it was like to be on the receiving end of Sam's wrath. To this day I let it slip into my thoughts just to torture them both on occasion." She nudged me back. It was my turn to laugh. At least I didn't feel so bad any more or so stupid.

"Well I got increasingly drunk at said party and Matt took me home and somewhere in the middle of sex he bit me." I shrugged. "It shouldn't have been a big deal. I remember being pissed that he broke the skin but I went to sleep without a problem. It didn't even really hurt. The problem was I didn't wake up for seven days after I fell asleep that night." I looked down at the grass.

Thinking about what happened was hard sometimes. It was just that there was so little choice in the situation for me. I got drunk, made a mistake and woke up in a bed that I didn't recognize in a country that I wasn't from and I was being told I wasn't me anymore. I was a werewolf and with that came a set of responsibilities that I was in no way prepared to except.

"I'm sorry." Leah said. I could see empathy all over her face. She knew what it was like. To be a girl with a plan one minute and have the future ripped away from you in the next. I had been lucky that there were no Alpha Orders shackling me to a position that I couldn't leave or crazy instincts that demanded that I fight to the death for strangers and people that I hardly knew.

"Me too. There isn't any pain. You just fall into this crazy deep and dreamless sleep and then you wake up or you don't. If you do that's when the fun starts. If you don't they find a way to take care of your body." I shrugged. "These Clans have more members and secrets then the Masons or the Mafia. Most of the time you wouldn't know a Clan wolf from a human."

"Then how did you end up living in South America?" Leah was frowning. I didn't blame her, finding out that there are other beings that are supposed to be fictional aren't so fictional after all. It had come as quite a shock to me too, especially when added to the discovery that my Quileute friends were shape-shifters rather than werewolves with the potential to be so much more than their legends and knowledge had limited them too.

"I woke up in the north of England, in this huge manor home that must have been built at the dawning of time and that has been the seat of the Wainwright family for god knows how many years. Matt was so happy that I woke up and excited that I had made the Change successfully that he didn't seem to understand why I wouldn't be thrilled. He told me I was a werewolf, that he had Made me and I was a part of his family's Clan." I explained. "Then there were these crazy rules and then they told me, oh yeah sorry but you can't ever see your parents again or the Cullens or finish collage. I was supposed to spend a year in England learning how to be a werewolf, then since Matt had Made me, which is like some primal way of staking a claim, I was to be mated to him in some crazy Clan ceremony evolving blood and flesh and we all know how well I do with blood. Together we were to move back here, find a place to set up base and head up the American side of the Wainwright Clan."

"Whoa, that's a bit heavy to wake up to." Leah looked shocked. "So that's what you were doing in South America? Sitting in a Mayan palace playing at werewolf princess?"

"Oh god no!" I groaned inwardly at her lack of knowledge of ancient Native American civilizations. "After the first full moon, when I realized that it wasn't all some sick twisted sort of joke, I called Rosalie and had her put me on the first plane back to Oregon. I didn't want to be a part of the great Wainwright family legacy. I wanted to be an anthropologist; I wanted to spend birthdays and holidays with my parents and friends." I shook my head.

What I hadn't known about was the collateral damage.

The minute I called Rosalie and made arrangement to reject the Clan and go back to my life, I ended life as he knew it for Matt. Clan doesn't abandon their own but they do banish them to teach them a lesson under certain circumstances. There is nothing worse than being Clan and being alone. According to Ian Wainwright wither I wanted any part of the Wainwright family or not I was Matthew's responsibly. He would not be welcome within Clan holdings until either I was dead or I had decided to take my place within the Clan. That was the responsibility that I lived with every day.

"That's some fucked up shit." Leah shook her head while managing to look a little miffed. I didn't expect her next question. "You went to school in Oregon?"

"Yeah. " I laughed. "Gooooo Ducks! Where did you think I went Timbuktu?"

"I never gave it a ton of thought I just figured that you were far far far away from here." She shrugged. "If I'd known you were that close Swan I would have found a way to go visit you."

"Yeah, sure, over Sam's dead and decaying body." I stood up abruptly. "Come on, I'll get us some sodas."

"Lately I feel that that arrangement would benefit a lot of people." She muttered under her breath. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear it or not so I didn't say anything in reply. Things between Sam and Leah were never going to be perfect or perhaps even comfortable. "So you're an anthropologist?"

"Yeah. Well, right now I'm a research assistant at this Inca temple site in Peru. It's the first time it's been properly excavated. It's really interesting stuff actually. We're getting a lot of pottery right now but there have been some small human bone fragments collected to." I nodded.

"And you're a werewolf?" She accepted the cola that I pulled out of the refrigerator and swung herself up onto the counter top.

"Only when I have to be." I shrugged.

"And there is no pack-mind?" She gave me a dead pan look.

"This is starting to feel an awful lot like a fishing expedition." I frowned; leaning against the kitchen table and popping open my soda. "Did Sam send you here for intel?"

"Really?" Leah looked disgusted and more than a little annoyed. "Fuck off Bella. I haven't seen or heard from you in years, only ever heard that you were 'doing okay' from Charlie. You were supposed to be my friend but you up and disappeared on me too, no forwarding address, nothing." She made annoyed looking quotation marks with her fingers as she glared at me. "I've missed you Bella so when I find out that you're here and drop in to find out what's happened in the last six years of your life I can't just be interested in your life; I have to be spying for Sam? Sam of all fucking people?"

"Yeah Leah, life is a mess here. I don't know all of the rules for the lines that I'm walking any more. Sam hates me more than ever and I broke the agreement that I held with him. If I were him, I'd be looking for intel so that he could work out if we were a danger to his people and if there were more of us then it had appeared." I put my soda down on the counter almost aggressively and ran my hands through my hair, mimicking a movement that I had picked up from Jacob years before.

"You're fucking paranoid." She bit out in response, her posture still stiff but there was pity in her eyes. "I'm not spying for Sam. I promise you that. Anyway, Jake told me about your agreement with Sam. It was fucked up that he made you do that and just for the record, all the Pack like and respect your father, no one will let him get hurt."

"You're right, I'm paranoid but I won't apologize for asking. You would have too if you were in my shoes. It's not just me anymore; I have to protect my father, my Clan." I rubbed the toe of my sneaker off the linoleum flooring.

"Maybe I should head out." Leah looked at me through partially lowered lids. The defensive walls that I recognized so well in her were rising.

"You don't have to. It's just been a while since I saw a friendly Quileute face." I took a deep breath and went for the peace maker. "No," I answered her question from earlier. "We don't have a pack-mind. Sometimes I think that having a pack-mind would make life a lot easier but then I remember what you and Jake used to tell me about the lack of privacy. I don't think I'd like it all that much."

"Why do you only phase during the full moon?"

"Why do you want to know Clearwater? Is this twenty questions or something? I thought we were going to talk about you." I sipped at my soda and leaned up against the counter top opposite her.

"Woopy, I'm going to school to be a doctor. It's so exciting. Exams and classes and working for 48 hours or more straight. I'm either taking care of vomiting children or have my arms up to my elbows in some dude's insides. There's lots of blood and viscous fluids involved which we both know you don't do well with. I spend most of my life exhausted and at the back of my mind I know that once school is over duty will have to take priority again. I was only allowed off reservation to go to school because it would benefit the Pack in the long run, once school is over, no more freedom for me. There we talked about me; now answer the fucking question Swan." She gave me another one of her famous dead pan looks.

"Fine, because it's the only choice that I can make. I try and live as normal a life as possible except for one night a month. The night of the full moon." I shrugged, getting frustrated. "I don't get to decide if I'm a werewolf, I will live longer than almost everyone that I know; according to everything that I know the knowledge that everything that I know will be gone will one day drive me so mad that the Clan will have to kill me for my own good. So I only Change once a month. It's my way of controlling who I am."

"You are what you are Swan. Trust me, after a while it's better to embrace it and enjoy what you can or you'll just stay miserable forever. Sometimes it's all about making the best out of a bad situation." She gave me an annoyingly knowing expression. It wasn't just me that had changed over the years, it seemed that my friend had a much more pragmatic outlook on life then she used to.

"You sound a little too much like Matt." I grumbled.

"Maybe we have a point then." She winked at me before her face grew serious once more. "What's happening with you and Jake?"

"Nothing" I shrugged.

"Nothing?" She raised her eyebrows at me. "The council are in an uproar. Billy and Jacob aren't talking anymore and Sam is out for blood. That doesn't sound like nothing to me."

"I saw him. There was an unfortunate incident where we all crossed paths as wolves. If the rest has happened since then, I don't know why or what Jake's been up to." I shrugged, not looking her in the eye. The kitchen floor and its need to be cleaned had suddenly gotten very interesting to me. It was easier than looking at her and seeing the pity that I would be on her face. "I came and spoke to him the way that I was asked to. I thought that we had hashed things out but he's not been in contact since. I have five more days to spend with my father and then I am leaving again for Peru. Don't make a big deal out of something that isn't." I shook my head and turned away from her.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." She sounded sincere and it pissed me off.

"Don't! Just don't!" I growled at her and stalked out of the room, back outside.

For a moment I had let my brain run off on a tangent that had hurt my heart. I closed my eyes and let the heat from the sun heat my skin. A light breeze lifted the hair off the back of my neck as I took a deep breath. The air was full of the scent of pollinating trees, the lawn that my father had grudgingly let Matt cut two days before and the spicy sweetness of the red cedars mixed with floral scent of the sage bushes that lived on the far side of the yard. It was comforting and I had released my own anger before opening my eyes again and looking at where Leah was sat in a chair a few feet away from me.

"I do know what it's like." She said.

"I know." I nodded. "For a moment it was all so right. Jake and Bells. Almost like nothing had changed. I had hoped that it would mean that we could at least be a part of each other's lives. Maybe part of my heart got carried away. It's only," I took a deep breath and considered my words carefully. "I mean, wouldn't it be worse if Emily told you that she didn't love Sam?"

"I don't know. I mean perhaps if I was still an outsider it would. If I wasn't part of the Pack maybe. The problem is the phasing and the hive mind. I have to see through Sam's eyes just how much he loves Emily, watch him make love to her or comfort her or just enjoy her presence in his company."

"I guess it doesn't get much worse than that." I agreed, offering her a weak smile which she returned.

"Do you ever wish that you had let your bloodsucker bite you and end your life?" She asked. I paused and thought seriously about her question.

Edward was the most beautiful creature; his skin was silken smooth and made of marble. His eyes turned from the most brilliant shade of gold to the deepest black. He smelled like snow and the perfect glass of chardonnay, evergreen trees and granite. He was consistent and constant and unchanging. He loved me the same today as he had since the moment that I entered his heart and professed that he would likely love me that way all throughout eternity.

I could have been a marble statue, as perfect today as I had been the day I was turned and for the rest of all time. I could have lived through the centuries unchanging and unaffected with a man that loved me. Trying to imagine what that would have been like was painful in its own way. There would always be a lot of pain where Edward was concerned and it wasn't just Edward's pain. I would always wonder on some level if I had chosen the wrong person, the wrong life even if I didn't regret my choices.

"I would have to say that on occasion I had thought about what life would have been like." I nodded.

"Do you wish you had?"

"No. Not really." I shook my head. "I loved Edward, part of me still does but I was not as ready to die as I thought I was. There would have been too many people to miss."

"So instead you are an immortal werewolf princess." There was laughter in my friend's voice and I couldn't help but smile too. She had latched onto the image of a werewolf princess and wasn't letting it go. I could understand why, on some level it was a rather romantic notion.

"I'm not immortal. At least not from what I understand. We live a long time, centuries some of us, but eventually we will die. I'll probably die sooner than Matt or Dan. The Made only last a couple hundred years before their circumstances drive them mad and they are humanly euthanized." Her laughter stopped and she looked grim then her face changed.

"Don't you see? You have an answer to your own problem!" She said.

"Ask Jake to keep phasing and wait until Melika had lived her life." I shook my head. I had already thought about that so many times since being bitten. "No. It's not realistic. I wouldn't ask Jacob to endure the kind of life I will, watchiing all of your friends and family slowly fade away and die in front of your eyes and I'm not really all that into playing second fiddle."

"Yeah, I understand." Leah nodded. I was sure that the same thoughts had not been far from her mind at one point or another. I wondered how long she had thought over the same solution that I had. It had had me pacing the floor for weeks, almost picking up the phone, almost writing a letter, almost, almost… She took a deep breath and so did I. She was remembering too and pushing the memory as far from the moment as possible.

"We are a pair of bitter old women aren't we?" I shrugged and offered her a smile. She nodded, offering me one back. There was support sometimes in not speaking about something. We both understood that.

"So what? I'm pretty used to being a bitter bitch. You should be alright with that too or are you suggesting that we do something about it?" She asked.

"Maybe we should turn into crazy cat ladies that never leave their homes and drink far too much wine." I threw out a suggestion.

"How about a different plan? 'Cause cats don't like me and thanks to school I've seen too many side effects of being an alcoholic to give it too much thought as a life choice. Anyway, do you know how much alcohol it takes for a werewolf to get drunk and stay drunk?" Leah replied.

"Murder?"

"Too messy and you would feel guilty for the rest of your life and we would still be second best." She shook her head and I frowned at the insinuation that she wouldn't feel just as guilty as I would. She didn't have to say it but I knew that she would carry a guilt just as deep as mine.

"Then you will be a doctor. The world's best pediatrician or maybe a surgeon. You will bury yourself in your work until one day you meet this amazing guy who will sweep you off your feet, you will have a huge family and it will make all this pain worth it." I smiled at her.

"And what about you?" Leah's imagination was never as good as mine.

"I will work on a couple of digs as a research assistant before going back to school to get my doctorate. I will spend a few years in the field before possibly turning my attention to teaching somewhere until my age and my looks are too far separated from one another. After that, I dunno, perhaps I'll take a look at being a werewolf princess living in the middle of a jungle." I shrugged and she smiled at me.

Leah's cellphone rang.

"What?" She answered sharply after looking at the caller display. She went from relaxed to tense in half a heartbeat. It could only mean one thing. "That is none of your business!" Her face darkened. "Absolutely not! You don't get to control my life too, remember the agreement! So why the fuck are you on the phone with me?" She snarled. There was a pause and she looked over at me, her eyebrows creasing. "You son of a bitch! Yeah, fuck you, whatever."

"You gotta go?" I asked as she unceremoniously hung up on Sam.

"Stupid Pack shit." She nodded.

"You mean Sam the all-powerful is snapping his fingers?" I winked at her and for a moment she let a smile touch the corners of her eyes then it was gone. "I'll see you later?" I asked as Leah glared at the phone and then shoved it back in her pocket.

"Yeah I'll be back later Swan. Don't get yourself in any more trouble. I'd like you to stay in one piece." Leah and I headed to the front of the house where her little green Honda S2000 was parked.

"I think we have more to worry about with you. Don't kill Sam or anyone else without me around to help remember." I winked at her and she laughed.

"Say hey to your dad for me and let him know that I'll be back for a beer sooner rather than later."

"Yeah. Give my greetings to the Pack."

"Sam will love that." She shook her head.

"Wouldn't want them to think that I've disappeared." I grinned as she closed her car door and gave me a wave.

I turned and headed back for my yard and my book. The image of Leah's Mayan werewolf princess bringing a smile to my face.


	11. Part 10

Hello All!

Thank you so much for the reviews! I have been doing my best to keep writing away and must apologize for the delay (yet again) in updating. I will do my best to try and get on some sort of update schedule. With that said, thank you in advance for your understanding that the best laid plans are paved with good intentions. I have recently moved countries and will be starting college next month so I will be splitting a lot of my time between school, work and writing so updates may end up being on a monthly schedule but I have plenty of inspiration and a completed outline of the plot of this story so bare with me, there is hope and there will be an ending.

So here goes nothing, the calm before the storm. By the end of this chapter all the key players will be in the right positions for the explosion to come.

* * *

><p>Part 10<p>

I could cook for an army and I was good at it too. It was relaxing, cooking. I could let my mind wonder as I peeled and quartered potatoes, diced garlic and onions, sliced mushrooms and cut the broccoli into small pieces.

Matt was taking a shower. According to him the smell of fish was a little too over powering. I understood his meaning, my more sensitive nose picking out the background odor where as my poor father looked confused. I envied him that confusion but didn't begrudge him, just shrugging at him as Matt left the room.

The television was now on in the other room. My father was watching the Lakers play the Celtics in basketball. The Lakers were winning which wasn't making my father happy from the grumbling sounds of annoyance and the way he stomped into the kitchen for a beer earlier. He had been relatively quiet since he had gotten back with Matt about an hour earlier but he was waiting for Dan to arrive, for some reason he preferred the younger Wainwright brother. Between the two of them, they had brought home enough fish for my dad to freeze and a few for Sue Clearwater to pick up. Apparently the experiments to get her deceased husband's fish fry recipe correct were still ongoing.

"Tell me what you are thinking about and I'll give you a dollar." Dan said from behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. As good as heightened werewolf senses were they didn't do much good when the user was a million miles away from her body or far too comfortable with the people around her, that and when concentrating Dan had some serious skills when it came to sneaking up on people.

"Ahhh, I would have to tell you secrets then." I shook my head, turning and giving him a smile as I pulled steaks out of their marinade bags and set them on a platter. The smell of red meat and beer based marinade made my mouth water. "Secrets that would blow your mind and create havoc with your senses. I just don't think that you're equipped to handle that kind of knowledge."

"I'm getting worried Izzy. You aren't acting like yourself lately." He lifted the lid of the broccoli pot and peered inside.

"I'm fine. You are reading far too much into nothing." I replied as he replaced the lid and I put the steaks on a plate. "How about you check the grill and put the steaks on?"

"Trying to get rid of me? I just got here." He faked hurt.

"No. Just figured you would rather grill like normal. I can ask my dad but the steaks are likely to come out charred or your brother and he won't bother to cook them at all." I answered and he put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. I gave him a smile and raised my eyebrows.

"Iz? All this smiling and cooking and cleaning and walking around in a daze isn't you. Kick some ass, take a few names and relax. You deserve to relax and you have every right to be right here right now or for as long as you want to be here." He frowned at me and my chest felt tight for a moment as I soaked in the concern and affection that he was sending my way. Dan was the brother that any girl would have been lucky to have, add to that good looking, well-educated and well spoken, he would have been a catch and a half for any girl if it wasn't for the werewolf part.

"Do you think that I would make a good werewolf princess?" I asked him and he started laughing so hard that he moved away from me and collapsed in a kitchen chair. I stood and stared at him, unable to believe that instead of answering me he was just laughing at me. "Daniel James Wainwright!" I snapped, going to stand in front of him, my fists planted on my hips and a frown on my face.

"Where the hell did you get the image of a werewolf princess from?" Dan asked as he tried unsuccessfully to control his laughter. It took another few minutes for him to stop laughing enough for me to get another word in.

"You might think its funny Daniel but I don't!" I glared at him.

"Iz, the only 'werewolf princess' I have ever known is my sister and it isn't because we have royalty in the Clans." He went back to laughing and I felt the urge to pout. "Come on." He grabbed my hand and tugged me down into the chair next to him. "Where is this coming from?"

"It was just something a friend said." I shook my head, trying to dismiss it and stand again but Dan gave me a stern look and I tried to get comfortable in my chair under a knowing look.

"The other Clearwater kid?" He frowned as I raised an eyebrow at him. "She smells similar to your friend Seth but somehow I don't think that Seth wares perfume. That and Matt mentioned that you said she had visited this afternoon."

"She is defiantly not a kid," I shook my head and laughed. "But yeah. She called me a Mayan werewolf princess. It just made me wonder if I would have been good at it, your brother and I and the Clan and all that. I dunno, just stupid thoughts."

"It's not stupid. You had an entire future thrown at you a long time before you were even ready to think about it let alone hear about it. I figured at some point you would want to have the 'what if' conversation, I just figured that it would be with Matt not that I'm complaining or anything." Dan shrugged. "Do you wanna talk about it now or a time when Matt isn't around?"

"Yeah, you're right a time when there isn't as much danger of my dad or Matt walking in on us and hearing something that they shouldn't." I shook my head, standing up and looking at him once more. "How about you get the steaks on the grill so we can eat?"

"Only if you'll bring me a beer." Dan stood smiling and headed toward the platter with our dinner on it.

"Coors or Bud?" I asked knowing what my father had in the refrigerator without even looking.

"Whatever don't mind." He shrugged as he headed for the backdoor with the platter of steaks in hand. I opened the fridge to pull out a couple of beers before shouting to let my dad know that Dan had arrived and was mastering the grill.

Dinner was an event that was ridiculously uneventful. My father and Matt had found some sort of common ground during their fishing trip and Dan's bubbly personality made conversation flow easily. It was obvious that Charlie didn't trust him but at least it didn't seem to be a matter of hating him anymore. Charlie was happy to talk about work and fishing, he even managed to be complementary about Matt's fishing skills and he was reasonably interested in Dan's adventures around South America but I killed the conversation when I told them that Leah had been round that afternoon so that I could pass along her message for my father.

My father and Sue Clearwater had a relationship that was beyond understanding. Seth and Leah adored my father and my father adored them. Sue and Seth ate as often as my father's house as he was at Sue's and Leah made a point of staying in better contact with Charlie then I often did but my father always felt that Leah and my friendship was unhealthy. According to Charlie I had helped feed her misery and later she mine.

"She is doing well Bella. She's moving on with her life, going to college, she's going to be a doctor." My father said almost like a warning.

"I know dad." I replied. "So did I. So am I. I have a job and a house and good friends. I'm happy. Leah is happy. We are happy for each other. It was a _nice _visit." I gave him an incredulous look as I cleared away the plates that were in front of the four of us, my plan to replace them with plates with slices of apple pie on them that I had made earlier in the day after Leah's departure.

"Well, good. That's nice." Charlie sounded like he didn't quite know what to say as he stood up, balling his napkin in his hands and headed for the trash can.

"We are friends dad. We're allowed to visit. She did say to let you kow that she would be back to have a beer with you sometime in the next couple of days." I passed along Leah's message but my father still didn't look happy or convinced that we hadn't been wallowing in self-pity as he placed his used napkin in the trash.

"That will be nice. You need to be careful with each other, that's all I'm trying to say." He cautioned as the phone in the hallway rang. "I'm going to go get that." He made for the door without looking back at me and I gave a frustrated sigh.

"That was interesting." Matt looked over at me as I deposited the dishes in the sink and started the water running.

"Charlie is just afraid that Leah and I are going to feed each others angst." I rolled my eyes and shook my head. I poured a healthy dollop of dish soap in the sink before letting the hot water run and going back for a second load of dishes.

"You ok?" His eye's showed concern but then drifted to the clock on the kitchen wall again for the thousandth time that evening. Ever since he got home it was like he was just biding his time until he had to be elsewhere.

"Yeah, Charlie just has a funny way of showing his own concern sometimes." I shrugged. When Charlie and I had these weird moments we usually found ways to fix them sooner rather than later. Words had always been a particular problem for my father and I had long since accepted that he often said things that he didn't come across how he meant them.

"If you're sure you're okay, I'm going to head over to the Cullen's and leave you in my brother's company. I need to stretch my legs." Matt walked over to me, put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a tight squeeze. "Thanks for dinner." He kissed the side of my head and I smiled at him.

"Don't have too much fun." I watched him leave before gathering up the rest of the dishes. He was getting restless and I knew better then to ask why some days. Asking meant getting answers that were hard for everyone to hear.

"Leah got scorned too?" Dan asked as the back door clicked shut.

"Yeah, her fiancé imprinted on her cousin who, at the time, was more like a sister to her. Add insult to injury, Leah phased into a giant wolf and not only got her ex-fiancé as her Alpha but got to live in his head too because of the whole hive mind thing." I grabbed my plate and put it in the sink with the rest. Dan's hand got to the sponge first and he gave me a gentile shove out of the way of the sink. I gave him a grateful smile and picked up my half full glass of wine. "Her and I butted heads at first, I think she knew that this was going to happen to me too and wanted to spare me that kind of heart ache but I killed her with kindness and we got kinda fond of each other. I hadn't spoken to her for years, not since Jake imprinted on Melika and I ran away from home. I thought that was best for both of us, she didn't need to re-live her pain, I didn't need any reminders of Jacob."

"You were a very different person then." He said as I hoisted myself onto the counter top next to the sink and watched him clean.

"I should hope so. If I haven't grown up at all please shoot me now." I laughed as I heard my father's footsteps in the hall.

"I'm heading out to the station. Randy needs help with a couple of things, couldn't wait till morning apparently." Charlie stuck his head into the kitchen, not looking particularly happy to be heading into work.

"Here hold on." I nodded and jumped off the counter. It only took me a moment to cut a couple of healthy servings of pie and put them in a Tupperware for my father to take with him.

"Aah, thanks." He took the Tupperware from my hands and offered me a smile before making for the door. "Oh and Bella." He turned away and then reappeared.

"Yeah dad?" I smiled encouragingly at him, heading back to the counter top I'd been sitting on before.

"I didn't mean to sound…" He shook his head having a hard time finding the words that he was looking for. "I am very proud of you and your accomplishments. I didn't mean to make it sound like I thought badly of you. I'm just tired of watching you hurt. Leah too."

"I know dad." I gave him a genuine smile and he headed out the door.

"Interesting man your father." Dan shook his head.

"Yeah. His heart has always been in the right place." I nodded my agreement.

"So my how about that conversation that we put off having earlier?" He asked me.

"Only if we can forget the part where I compared myself to a werewolf princess." I bargained with him knowing it wouldn't do an ounce of good but it made us both smile.

"I think that I can do that for the moment. I may however have to tell my brother sometime in the future." He winked at me and I reached out and gave his arm a weak smack. He grinned. "So you want to try and understand Clan?"

"I understand Clan. What I want to know is why me? Why did he bite me? What did he think he was going to get from me except for this? What do you want from me? Why does your father insist that I have to be part of his Clan and his big plans for Matthew? Why can't I just live my own life? Why can't your brother?" I explained the questions that had been running through my head for years.

"Those are a lot of questions." Dan pulled the plug out of the sink and started rising the clean dishes. "Where to start? Okay, Clan are werewolf packs. There is a hierarchy of individuals based on dominance."

"Yeah, that part I know remember. It doesn't explain the why of any of it." I rolled my eyes at him.

"It does explain my father's plans and Matt's banishment but we can jump straight to the start of your questions and go from there if you would rather." He shrugged as he wiped his hands on a clean dish towel. "Why you? I don't know Iz, lots of reasons. He was afraid for your life, hell we both were. You were living with Vampires and seemed oblivious to the fact that they were vampires. He liked you and we were all good friends. With that in mind and not knowing if you were going to make a mistake and get yourself turned, he bit you. I'm not saying that it was the best choice that he ever made but I honestly think he thought that you were falling in love with him."

"He never asked." I shrugged.

"Matt didn't think that he need too. You two did next to everything together, you seemed to like a lot of physical contact with him and then at that party. I thought something else was going on too and…well, we both know what my brother thought." He offered me his hand which I took as I jumped off the counter top. He grabbed a fresh beer and what was left of the bottle of wine that I had indulged myself with and we headed for the back porch. "Come on." He motioned to me with his head to follow him.

It was a warm evening, the crickets were out in force and the porch swing was calling to us. I pulled the afghan that I had left hanging on the back of the swing off and threw it over my lower body after I sat down, Dan next to me. I kicked my feet out of the flip-flops and threw my legs over his lap as he looked over at me.

"There are certain things that we look for when we're looking for life-partners Iz." Dan started again, pouring a top up into my glass. "We're not unlike humans in that matter. Only it is sometimes a little more important than that. Matt was a high ranking member of the Clan second in place only to my parents and a very few very old wolves. His wolf is strong, dominant and aggressive so he settled into his position fast, there weren't many Clan that wanted to stand in his way, the same thing happened to our sister. The problem is, leadership positions come with a price, the Clan comes first at all times, your own life plans go straight out the window. You can't hold a leadership position in the Clan without a life-partner. There is all sorts of politics going on right now and our father is basically trying to hold two Clans together as strong as he is it's wearing him thin. My father wanted Matt to head up the American side of his Clan so that he didn't have to split the difference between England and America as much. My brother and I had lived in America most of my life and to him it made sense for Matt to have an American as his mate rather than our father hand picking from the main Clan in England. He chose you. You were strong and independent and fiercely loyal to your friends. They are attractive qualities in a person and since it appeared to the whole family at Thanksgiving that you guys were head over heels for each other, it made sense." He shrugged.

"Do you miss it?" I asked. "Your father's Clan I mean?"

"Yeah, sometimes more than others but remember I chose this, it's harder for Matt because he didn't choose exile, he just chose you." He shrugged again, like he was trying to dismiss the question.

"Why do I have to be a part of all this? A mistake was made, why not just let everyone move on with their lives?" I tried for understanding as I sipped at my wine.

"Because Clan don't function well alone. Loners go mad within decades when they try to make it by themselves. We aren't built to survive that way. He Made you so now he has to make sure that you aren't going to go crazy and expose what we have been hiding for centuries." He reached over and took my hand in his. "Isabella Marie Swan. If there was ever to be an exception to that rule, it would be you because of your eternal vampire family but there is something about the Clan and the way that the family works that holds so much security and potential for growth. I can't describe what it feels like to run with a Pack of a hundred wolves working together on a full moon hunt, or what it is like to be a part of a flesh and blood ceremony when a link is added to a Clan Bond. To be able to trust someone with your life that you have never met before almost anywhere you go..." His voice trailed off as he remembered.

"Yeah the flesh and blood ceremony thing always freaked me the hell out." I shook my head from side to side. The smell of blood in general no longer made me feel sick to my stomach or faint but the idea of human blood still disgusted me.

"Yeah it does most people who are Made before they have their own and experience the change in themselves after being added to the family group. You just ran away before you could have yours." He nodded his understanding.

"Why is your father hell bent on me committing to the Clan if you think that I could survive without it?"

"Because there is nothing he hates more than Vampires." He replied.

"Why?" I looked at him incredulously.

"There is a lot of history between my family and Vampires. My father's first mate was killed by the Volturi; there was a war in Europe about four hundred years ago. Lots of Clan died and lots of Vampires died." He shrugged. "He never talks about it. Matt probably knows a lot more, our father tended to share more of that kind of stuff with him. He was supposed to take over from our father someday."

"Wolves." I snorted, shaking my head and rolling my eyes for good measure.

"Sorry to break it to you Iz but it's you that's going against the natural order of things. Vampires eat humans and werewolves and vampires are sworn to kill each other. Haven't you ever seen Underworld?" He grinned at me, his tone playful. I made a face that hopefully conveyed how unimpressed I was.

We didn't say much after that for a while. Dan seemed deep in thought as he rubbed a couple of knots out of my calf muscle. I was content to enjoy his company, my wine and the rhythmic movement of the porch swing rocking back and forward. The chain made soft creaking sounds that almost harmonized with the crickets and could have lulled me to sleep if my mind had been less per-occupied.

It had always been that way with Dan and I. Comfortable, like the old warn out quilt that had been around for as long as memory. Things were strained at times, especially after his brother Made me but for the most part it was comfortable, steady and consistent. I could always trust and count on Dan to be supportive day in and day out and willing to talk to me about things that Matthew would get frustrated over.

"Would it be so bad?" He asked and I looked over at him, my eyebrows pulling together.

"Would what be so bad?" I tilted my head so he knew he had my full attention.

"Actually being Clan. Agreeing to my father's plan. Being with Matt." He wasn't looking at me but faraway somewhere, his eyebrows were knit deeply together, the muscles in his jaw were tight as he waited for my answer.

"No." I shook my head. "It wouldn't be that bad. It would just be different than anything I've ever wanted." He turned his head and looked at me. I shrugged. "The thing is I don't think that it would be good for Matt either. He would always be second place and I don't think that he would be happy that way for long."

"You don't know that. I've seen plenty of mated couples start off barely knowing each other and they end up happy, you already have one up on them."

"You've never been in love before." I smiled indulgently. Dan had never tried to talk to me about the flip side of the coin toss that was my life. He had supported me and bolstered my spirits through the end of college. Had prodded and pushed and run interference between his brother and I as we were learning to co-habit a life in which I had rejected him but was still in need of him. Dan was one of the few people in the world that I didn't mind justifying myself too. "Love is so many wonderful things but it is also possessive and jealous. It can't take being second best and not all consuming. Despite that fact, we do make a good team and I don't think that being Clan is bad. I just want my choice in the if, where, when, what and how of a decision to embrace that life."

We fell back into silence. I let my mind wonder, thinking about the dreams that I had had right after Edward and I broke up. It was then that I knew I was actually going to live a life that could include all the human things that I had neglected to think about. Mine had been simple dreams. I wanted to teach. I wanted to have a family. I wanted to have children.

In my dreams I had two children. One boy and one girl. I would have given up teaching for a few years until they had started school and then I would have started teaching again myself. I would have had a dog and a house with a big yard to fill with a close knit group of family and friends at holidays and birthdays. I would teach my children about the world and watch them grow up with a husband whom I loved and adored and whom loved and adored me.

I had given up those dreams when I lost Jacob.

I gave them up a second time when I was bitten.

Was is possible that I could still have similar dreams?

They would have to be modified. I would have to choose to settle. I would have to commit to a life that I hadn't chosen. I would have to take up a position in the Clan. I would have to submit to not one but two Blood and Flesh ceremonies. I would have to give up my career and possibly the Cullens, all be it that would be a fight.

I would however gain a family of my own. As Matt's life-partner or mate I would have an important job in supplying and caring for the day to day need of our Clan. I could have a home and children and a support network like I had never experienced before. I tried to picture what the children that I would have with Matt would look like. They certainly wouldn't be the black haired, russet skinned wild things I had previously thought into my mind's eye.

"What are you thinking about?" Dan's voice broke into my thoughts.

"Modifying old dreams." I smiled at him.

"How do they look?" He asked.

"Different." I shrugged. We didn't speak again for a few minutes, then I looked thoughtfully over at him. "Do you ever have strange dreams?" I asked and he paused, staring off into space for a moment.

"Don't we all?" He shrugged. I gave him a flat look. "Okay, okay. Define 'strange dreams'." He held a hand up in mock surrender as I swatted at him with my free hand.

"Have you ever had dreams where you met someone that you have never met before but it feels like you've known them forever?" I struggled not to sound like I was a complete crazy person. Understanding quickly crossed onto Dan's features.

"Around the full moon?" He frowned and I nodded. "Yeah, I used to all the time before my father banished Matt and I left with him." He nodded, his expression darkening for a moment before he seemed to focus back on me.

"More Clan stuff that I would understand if I hadn't ran away?" I asked.

"Yeah, sort of." He nodded. "It's the only way that our wolves have to communicate with us. Werewolves have two souls. A wolf and a human. At least that was the way my grandfather used to describe it. Around the full moon the wolf soul can assert itself, become the dominant personality. Before we learn control, a lot of us don't even remember the first few time that we Change or what we did when we were wolves. It can be disorientating but when they decide to communicate they tend to have a good reason." He grimaced at me. and I frowned.

"It was a person not a wolf I talked to."

"Yep, a reflection of ideals with wolf colored eyes. I had my first conversation with mine off the coast of Dover in a dream where I was sailing in a dingy across the English channel." He nodded, a smile creasing the corner of his eyes as he remembered. "I can't have been more then 15, it was right after my first Change."

"Now I know you Clan people are crazy." I shook my head in disbelief.

"You asked. I'm just telling you what I understand. What is the point of two points of view if you can only see one? It's just one of the parts of a Clan Bond. I swear it doesn't take dreams for my father to speak with his wolf anymore, he just concentrates and the wolf is there." He shrugged again. It didn't seem to matter to him if I believed him or not.

"And your wolf doesn't speak to you anymore?" I asked still feeling dubious.

"He's still pretty pissed at me for choosing to fuck up my destiny." He shook his head and looked away from me. "He's as stuck with me as I am with him and the only way that he can show his displeasure is by withdrawing his consciousness from me. He can't stop the Change anymore then I could even if I wanted to."

"So you're telling me that I had a dream where I was talking to myself?" I asked as I heard the popping of car tires on gravel and the abrupt shut off of an engine. Car doors opened and shut and I was very aware that it wasn't my father's cruiser that had pulled into the drive as two sets of measured footfalls made their way round the side of the house.

"Yep." Dan nodded as my backyard was filled with two familiar presences that I would never have expected to see amicably together rounded the corner. I looked at Dan for a moment; with what I was sure was a look of shock on my face before looking back at Matt and Jacob who were standing side by side with looks of equal seriousness on their faces as they looked back at me.

"Iz, we need to talk." Matt's voice broke through my shock as Jacob nodded in agreement.


	12. Part 11

Check this out, I'm actually keeping with a monthly sort of schedule, I must say I'm a little proud of myself! I will do my best to continue to stick to it.

Thank you everyone for the reviews, as it was pointed out to me, I may only have 83 reviews but I really do value the time that those of you who do stop and leave a quick review take to do so, guest or otherwise. They help me to stay motivated and despite the momentary sick feeling I get in my gut before I post make it all worth while so please if you have a moment let me know what you think.

Now on to the story!

* * *

><p>Part 11<p>

"What is going on?" I looked between the two men in front of me as I sat up, placing my feet and my glass on the porch so that I could get a better look at them both. They looked serious and while they didn't look particularly at ease standing next to each other they didn't seem to want to kill each other either.

"I asked Matthew to meet with me tonight. We've talked, now I'd like to talk to you." Jacob took a step forward toward the porch before stopping, his expression serious.

"You said that you were going to go to the Cullen's. You lied to me?" I looked at Matt, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end as I got to my feet, dumping the afghan on Dan's lap. "What could you two possibly have to talk about?"

"You." Matt was blunt and I felt suddenly cold all over like ice water had been poured into my veins.

"What? Why?" I looked at them aghast.

"Bella, honey. I wanted to talk to you but the way I saw it I had to talk to your Alpha first." Jacob took another step forward but the death glare I was sending his way seemed to stop him in his tracks.

"My Alpha? What was so important that you couldn't talk to me first?" I started to run my hand through my hair until I remembered that it was a motion that I had picked up from Jacob in the first place.

"Iz, Jacob asked me to meet him tonight. I agreed that where you were concerned the air needed to be cleared." Matt was serious. His eyebrows were folded over unhappy eyes but his tone made me stop and wait for an explanation that never came. "Maybe we should go inside and put the coffee pot on and talk. Dan, you can head back to the Cullen's if you want." He tilted his head toward the tree line but Dan hesitated when he got to my side.

"Iz?" Dan stopped by my side and reached for my hand and squeezed.

"Stay." I looked at him giving his warm hand a squeeze in return. Matt nodded his head when his brother looked at him. "Why don't you put the coffee pot on while I warm up some pie?" I turned on my heel and headed into the kitchen while trying to put my brain back together. Dan walked in close on my heels and started setting up the coffee pot. I turned to Dan quickly as another thought ran through my head. "Did you know about this?"

"No," He took one look at the expression on my face and he threw up both hands. "No!" He said again strongly.

"Isabella!" Matt snapped from the doorway and I paused. "Sit down!"

I gave him one defiant stare before sitting down in a chair at the kitchen table and taking a deep breath. Jacob stopped and leaned on the counter while Matt took a seat at the table next to me.

"Now listen to me carefully. I am the Alpha of this Clan like it or not. Part of my job as such is to ensure your continued well being. I have made decisions for you and that directly affect you before and I promise that I will do so again. Now, I'm going to take Dan into the living room. We will do our best not to listen what is being discussed in this room. If you need us call." With his final statement hanging in the air and my face bright red with annoyance and embarrassment he stood and left the room. Dan followed under the directive given and shut the door behind himself.

I was left alone with Jacob.

"I knew you were going to be pissed and I am sorry Bells but I had to go about this the right way." Jacob said not attempting to move closer to me.

"It's been five days." I glared at him. "Five days Jacob!" I found myself snapping, the hurt that I had been pushing down and covering up for the last four days rising to the surface.

"Nope," He popped the P shaking his head. "It's been five day, four hours and twenty-three minutes since you walked out my front door." He corrected me. I felt my lips part slightly in shock at his admission. "It's been five days, four hours and eighteen minutes since I've been able to think of anything else."

"Why not do something about it then? I've been right here the whole time." I gripped the edge of the seat and looked down at the linoleum on the floor.

"I know. But I'm done with the mess. I wanted to be able to talk with you without you or anyone else asking questions or worrying about collateral damage or trying to hide it." He explained. "I know that Leah was here this afternoon, I know she told you that things on the rez have been interesting the last few days. No one is going to allow direct harm to come to your father. My father was not pleased to find out about the ultimatum that Sam gave you. I've told my father and the council that I'm sick of trying to live a life without you in it. Melika informed them that she is done living under the expectations of an imprint and that I have her full support in my choice to have you in my life."

"And in all of this you felt that the most important thing to do was to call Matthew Wainwright?" For a moment I had to fight to keep up with all of the information that he was throwing at me. It was good to know that Billy had enough pull left to influence my father's safety. Jacob was sick of living a life without me in it? What did that mean?

"He needed to know. The last thing I want is to cause issues for you in your own Pack, so yes, I called your Alpha." He was earnest as he sat down across from me. His eyes were serious, intense but not at war with the gentile smile on his face. He reached toward me with one hand but mid-reach his whole demeanor changed. In a heartbeat, he went ridged in his seat, every muscle suddenly strung tight and then he started to tremble violently the way that he only did when he was trying to stop the phase. His eyes shot around the room as the expression on his face turned feral.

"Jacob?" I reached for his hand that still hung frozen between us and then stopped as his eyes swiveled back to lock with mine for a moment. What I saw in his eyes sent a thrill of fear down my spine. For a few moments we sat in silence that seemed to stretch out for half an eternity.

"Something's very wrong!" He finally ground out of tightly clenched teeth.

"What's wrong?" Suddenly a sense of dread filled my gut. He made a strangled sound as he grabbed the back of his neck.

"The Pack, there is something wrong with the patrol." He clutched his head between his hands. For a few more breathless moments the only sound in the room was the ticking of the wall clock, then he spoke again. "They're in danger or hurt or gone… Something is wrong!"

"Matthew!" I called as Jacob exploded from his seat and made for the door with a strangled roar. I jumped after him as the kitchen door crashed open from the hallway. The brothers followed barely a stride behind us out to the back yard. "Jacob?" I shouted as he stopped in the middle of the yard and looked around him. It was as if the yard exploded, one minute he was a man the next a wolf and then back again. I started across the porch but only made it to the top of the stairs before I was snagged by a strong set of arms.

"What is going on?" Matt's voice was rough in my ear.

"I don't know, something about the Pack." I tried to pull away from him to get to Jacob but ended up crying out as his fingers bit into my arm. Jacob's eyes swiveled round to where we stood. They looked wild and feral as if he was more wolf then man in that moment and I knew that the wolf was deciding if Matthew was the threat that needed fought or not.

"She's back." His words weren't loud but his voice wasn't he own.

"Victoria." I whispered with a shudder. "Jake, what's happened?" He had turned completely to look at us, his body trembling so violently that his shape blurred.

"Damn!" Matt looked over at Dan as another wolf crashed through the trees, barely stopping before shifting to human and shucking on a pair of shorts.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as Sam Uley looked at Jacob and then up at us.

"I knew you would destroy us if you came back!" He snarled. I looked at him somewhat dumbfounded. Sam had not changed, he was as large and intimidating as I remembered and all I could see was thinly controlled rage written all over his face where there had been compassion all those years ago.

"What's going on Sam?" I snapped and gave him a flat look.

He didn't have time to answer me; Jacob launched himself at the older Quileute. For a few moments the yard was in chaos. Jacob and Sam went at each other like a pair of prize fighters; I went to move down the stairs to try and intervene but Matthew had a hand firmly wrapped around my upper arm and wasn't about to let go.

"Give them a moment." Dan shrugged from next to his brother but his eyes were locked to the fight in the yard.

"You're a son of a bitch!" Sam punctuated a nasty right hook.

"Says the lying bastard willing to let Charlie turn into vampire bait!" The response was followed up with three solid hits to the face that made the older wolf take a couple of steps back. It was like a cold front had moved into the yard. The minute there was space between them the physicality of the fight seemed to go right out of Sam and once he stopped Jacob didn't carry on his offensive. Instead they stood there staring at each other, their breathing hard and as hostile as the looks on their faces.

"Why are you here Sam?" I tried to move forward again only to send a stern look over my shoulder at Matt who was still restraining me. He frowned and I ended up gripping the wood of the railing with one hand as I looked down at the men.

"It's my job to protect my people and I will do so, even against you." Sam snapped and I looked up to the night sky for a moment, my eyes searching out the place the moon should be as I took a deep breath.

"What have I done now Sam?" I threw my hands in the air in defeat.

"He should be taking up responsibility among his people but instead he is fighting a war he shouldn't be a part of." Sam growled as he pointed at Jacob who was still breathing heavily and looking like he would like to do nothing more than kill him.

I looked at him sadly.

"I am not here to rip Jacob away from his Pack." I held both palms up in front of me, a gesture of frustration. "My circumstances have changed, I don't have much of a choice in that but I am not here as a threat to you."

"You should never have come back Bella, you have done so much damage..." He looked over at Dan and then back at Matt again. "Are you her Alpha?"

"Yes," Matt looked at me and motioned for me to take a step back. "I am Mathew Wainwright. I am the Alpha of my Clan." He spoke firmly and Sam looked over at Jacob raising an eyebrow.

"You've been here talking to her and her Alpha?" He snarled at Jacob.

"What of it!" Jacob snapped back.

"You are a childish self-centered bastard." Sam took a step back and took a series of measured breaths as if he was trying to stop himself from launching himself at Jacob again. "What were you doing?" Sam yelled at him. "You selfish son of a bitch! You don't give a damn about your Pack or your people do you!" He was stalking toward Jacob again, the look on his face conveying murder while Jacob barely contained a snarl.

"You're way out of line." He snapped back.

"No, while you all sat around playing nice, that red headed, vampire bitch you're so obsessed with showed up. She knew Bella was back in town. Brady and Seth, took her on. You were supposed to be with them but Leah was with them instead." He was inches from Jacob now, every muscle was trembling. My breath had long since caught in my throat; a knot of fear had formed in my stomach. "Brady is dead Jacob. That feeling in your gut that made you feel sick to your stomach. That was her killing him, she broke Leah's back and took Seth god knows where."

"You're lying!" Jacob roared back, grabbing the Pack Alpha by the throat with one hand, the violent trembling in his frame back again.

"Fuck you Black!" Sam snarled back at him.

"Where did she take him?" Jacob tried again.

"If you were with them then you would know, Brady would probably still be alive!" There was a break in Sam's voice, a note of defeat as he practically slumped against the hold that Jacob had on him. "All Leah kept thinking was that she needed to see Bella, someone go get Bella. I wasn't phased when she attacked them, it was too late by the time I had." His voice was the voice of a broken man. I was trembling as I looked between him and Jacob.

"Where is she Sam?" I asked quietly, my fingers tearing at the straps that held my splint in place. He didn't answer me, just stood there in his face off with Jacob, his eyes unblinking. "Where is she Sam?" I tried again a little louder, moving off the porch toward the pair as Matt moved like a shadow behind me. Still nothing from the Quileute Alpha, Matt's hands reached for me and I shrugged them off before he could get a grip to stop me again. "God Damn It! Where Is She Sam!" I cried.

"SAM! _ANSWER HER_!" Jacob's voice held a reverberation that I had never heard before.

"Home." Sam's face twisted as he answered like to utter the simple word caused him pain.

"Matt," I looked over at Matthew who took a deep breath and then nodded his head once in acquiescence. He had come to the same conclusion that I had, if Victoria had already grabbed a Quileute, it was unlikely that she was coming to get me. I was safe, at least for the night and we would help find Seth if we could.

"I'll see what I can do Iz. Don't go anywhere without Dan. I'll find you as soon as I can." He replied, turning to his brother. Words that I didn't hear passed between them as I headed for the woods at a run, all it took was a stride and a leap and I pulled on the ball in my chest that I had come to identify with my wolf.

I landed a sandy colored wolf and took off at a dead sprint.

I was faster on all fours and I knew it but I couldn't remember the last time that I had Changed voluntarily when the full moon wasn't just around the corner. My freshly healed leg felt strange taking my weight as I ran but there was no real pain just a dull ache and the stiffness of lack of use. The urgency in my chest pushed me forward as I rushed head long into Quileute territory but I wasn't alone for more than a heartbeat.

A yip and a growl behind me alerted me to the presence of Daniel and Sam. I slowed just enough to allow them to catch up with me and then we laid the speed back on. Dan kept pace with me easily, his tongue hanging lazily out of the corner of his mouth. Sam on the other hand chose to push forward, setting pace and leading us through the trees and along trails that I didn't know or wouldn't have thought to use.

We were on his territory and he was making it clear at the same time as hopefully taking us a direction that we wanted to go. It took us what felt like an age to get to the Clearwater's household even though I knew we had made good time, however the gentle throb that had begun in my front leg not long into our run had turned the whole lower limb numb.

I was grateful as we streaked across the large front yard to focus on my human self again and find that it took very little effort to Change back into a girl even at mid-run. What I hadn't been counting on was coming face to face with the anxious form of Sue Clearwater. I slid to a stop in front of her, my legs coming out from under me as I landed on my ass in the grass. Sam had swerved around the house still as a massive black wolf and Dan managed to stop without falling or tripping over me.

"Bella? I –! What -? Bella?" She arrived back at my name and I winced and pushed myself back onto my feet. I wiped my hands off on my jeans as Melika came rushing out of the house with a partially clothed Sam on her heels.

"Bella! Come inside quickly!" Melika rushed to my side before looking between my Sue and I. "Dr Cullen is here, Leah is waiting for you."

"Where's Jacob?" Sue just looked at everyone stood in her front yard, her body trembling with the effects of anguish and sorrow.

"Out looking for Seth." Dan replied.

"Go, take Emily from here and join him Sam. Having the two of you here is only going to make it worse for Leah." Sue said, not unkindly as I headed for the door into the Clearwater's modestly sized house. I took the porch steps two at a time and even with Sue's mention of Emily I didn't notice the girl sitting in the chair next to the door until she reached out and touched my arm. I froze and looked down at her; she looked grief stricken and fragile.

"No one will tell me how she is. Just that she's alive." Tears filled Emily's big brown eyes and tumbled down her cheeks, starting fresh tracks over older ones.

"You shouldn't be here." I replied.

"I have to know if she's going to be okay. She's my cousin; she was almost a sister to me." The older woman wept openly.

"She's alive, I don't know any more then you do. Go home with Sam. I'm sure that one of the boys will let you know when there is something more to know." I tried my best at a comforting tone and patted her hand before heading through the door into the house.

Even if I hadn't known how to get to Leah's room, finding it that night would have been easy. Her Pack brothers lined the hallways on either side, Jared, Embry, Collin, Quil, Paul and two young faces I didn't know, even Kim and Rachael were there, all still and silent. They turned as one to look at me, their faces serious as I headed down the space in between them. To say that the short walk wasn't full of tension would have been a lie, they looked at me like they could see into my soul but no one said anything until I got to the door and reached for the door handle.

"There are those that say we can trust you. I don't know if I believe them." Paul looked at me critically.

"Does it matter what I say right now Paul?" I asked, turning to look at him. "It was never my intention to break trust with you all. I considered you all friends at one time but the pain that you are feeling is a direct result of my past. I can't do anything about that but I will do whatever I can to help." I took a deep breath and let him consider me for another moment before opening Leah's door and walking into her room.

Leah's room was all space.

A double bed, book shelf, desk and chair the only furniture. No pictures or personal items adorned the walls, the book shelf was empty except for a couple of old National Geographic magazines but the room was full to brimming with people.

Carlisle was hunched over the still form of Leah in the bed, Jasper hovered in the corner closest to the door and it was obvious to me that he was affecting the mood of the room. Billy Black was sitting in his chair near the foot of the bed, his eyes closed and lips moving in a silent chant, old Quil stood next to Carlisle near the headboard, a heavy frown on his face as his lips moved in time with Billy's.

"How bad is she?" I moved to Jasper who frowned and shook his head in response to my question.

"Bout time you got here Swan." Leah's voice sounded strained even if her words were her laced with her trademark sarcasm.

"I got here as quickly as I could." I moved to the bedside, Carlisle and Quil moving to make a space for me. "How are you Clearwater?"

"I think they've decided that I'll live." She replied a faint smile on her pale face as I reached for one of her hands.

"Carlisle?" I looked at him.

"Crushed a few ribs, broke one of her arms and from what I can tell without an MRI broke at least one, probable more of her vertebrae. The fact that she currently has no sensation in either of her legs or her hips tells me that the spinal cord is either under extreme pressure or has been severed. We won't know much more for a couple of days most likely." He explained.

"Was Jacob with you?" Billy Black looked over at me. He looked much older then I remembered him. His long raven black hair was shot through with grey, his shoulders looked like they had been hunched for years and the lines that etched his face had none of the jolliness that I remembered from the past.

"Yes." I nodded my head.

"Did he come with you?" Leah asked me.

"No." I shook my head. "They went to try track down your brother."

"He needs to be here." She said.

"I'll talk to the rest of the Pack and see what we can do." Billy nodded

"Can you all give Bella and I a moment?" Leah asked. There was a pause and then slowly the men filed out of the room until only Jasper was left looking at us both.

"How did you get here so quickly?" I asked him.

"Alice had a vision. She's contacting Edward." He said simply as he raised an eyebrow at me and I looked over at Leah. She motioned for him to leave and I shrugged at him before he turned and complied. Her face crumbled a little after he closed the door, her eyes squeezing tightly together, her fingers clamping around my hand and a lone tear finding an escape at the corner of her eye.

"I can call Jasper back in." I suggested, feeling at a loss, not knowing what to do.

"It's a nifty trick that vamp has but I'd rather just feel right now." She whispered and took a deep breath before opening her eyes and looking at me. "Victoria has Seth. She took my brother."

"I know." I nodded.

"She killed Brady. He was barely a kid." The first tear was followed by others, here was the real emotion, the panic and sorrow that Jasper's gifts had been holding at bay.

"I know." I replied not sure what else to say.

"She wants revenge. That's why she came back. That's why she took Seth." Her voice broke.

"Leah I will do whatever I can to get your brother back but you have to tell me everything that happened." I pleaded with her. She took a moment to gather herself and then nodded.

"We were patrolling. We were on our way back home, Seth was going to drive Brady home once Paul, Jared and Colin relieved us. We were ambushed, a hundred yards from my house, eight vampires and Victoria. She killed Brady before we realized what was happening. Seth and I killed three of them and raised the alarm before Victoria got a hold of me and did this to me instead of killing me. Seth didn't have a chance, they drug him off unconscious but he was still breathing. At least, I think he was." She gritted her teeth.

"Where did they go?" I asked quickly when she paused for her breath.

"That bitch spoke to me." She looked me square in the face again. I cocked my head to look at her. "She held my mouth shut and told me to give you a message."

"I'm right here Leah." I answered her, squeezing her hand to encouraging her to keep talking.

"She told me that Brady died because we killed Laurent. A life for a life and that our debt to her was paid in full. She said she only took Seth to guarantee your cooperation. If you meet her at Main Street Café in Port Angeles at ten o'clock tomorrow morning she will hand Seth over unharmed. She wants to speak with you about a debt that you owe her." She sounded numb as she spoke.

"James." I breathed, pushing the image of the vampire's face back to the back of my mind. His was not a face that I remembered fondly. I focused on Leah again as she continued talking.

"You can take Jacob with you but he cannot be at the café he has to be in the car. She has promised to do you no harm until you have spoken about the terms of reimbursement." Leah looked sharply at me. "Don't trust her Bella. She is dangerous and she wants you dead more than anything."

"Don't worry about me Leah." I said, trying to sound more confident then I felt. "We'll come up with a plan that will get your brother safely out of Port Angeles and back here before you know it. You need to concentrate on helping your body heal."

"What if it doesn't Bella? What if I can't walk again?" The pace of her tears sped up again and I felt my eyes water in response to her pain. I pushed the guilty feeling away and held my own tears in check as I rubbed her shoulder while she cried. She had had so many adjustments in her life already and now she had to worry about the possibility that she would spend the rest of her life unable to walk.

"Doesn't mean that your life is over. Just means that you'll have to learn how to do things a little differently." I tried for optimism and winced at the pathetic sound of my own voice.

I couldn't help but feel responsible. If I had never allowed myself to get involved with Edward, I would never have been in the woods the night that I first met James's coven. The Cullens would never have had to kill James. Laurent would never have come back to Forks to extract Victoria's revenge and the Pack would never have killed him.

"Your brothers are worried about you. What do you want me to tell them?" I asked once the tears had stopped again. She opened her mouth but didn't get the chance to speak. The door flew open; crashing into the wall and making me spring from my crouch into a defensive posture as Jacob walked in with Sam close on his heels.

"Leah!" Jacob cried, rushing to her side as I relaxed again even thought my heart was still racing in my chest. "God, Leah. What happened? Do you know where she took Seth?"

"I'll let you guys talk." I looked calmly at Jacob and Sam but when Leah caught sight of the Alpha looking at her with concern and pain on his face she grabbed the lamp off the table next to her bed and hurled it at Sam. "Come on Sam." I moved quickly to Sam's side and the opened door. He looked over at the broken lamp then at Leah laying in the bed before taking a deep breath and following me out of the room.

"Bella?" Leah called before I shut the door behind us.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Get him back." She implored.

"I will." I shut the door and sighed, closing my eyes against a powerful flood of emotions. For a moment I felt small and overwhelmed. Victoria had a other vampires with her, no one knew how many and she wanted revenge, even more specifically, revenge against me and she had Seth and even though she said she wasn't going to harm him didn't mean that she would keep her word.

Strength and calm suddenly surged through my body as a hand descended on my shoulder. I looked over at Matt and Jasper who stood next to him and gave them a weak smile in thanks.

"Are you ok?" He asked. I nodded slowly meeting his eyes for a moment as his fingers squeezed my shoulder tightly and then his hand fell away as I turned to meet the expectant eyes of the Pack.

"Leah is pretty sure Seth is still alive." I said as Jake left Leah's room, a storm cloud covering his face.

Jacob Black looked like he was ready to kill.

"Dan and the others are in the living room. We may as well talk there." Matt said impassively, seemly unworried by the surrounding shape-shifters.

We filed through the hallway packed with shifters and down to the Clearwater's living room. There were less people there but it felt just as crowded. Sue was sat completely still on the couch, her hands folded on her lap, her countenance regal even in her distress. Dan stood at ease by the door, picking at his fingernails like he was bored and Carlisle stood like a stone statue next to him.

"Leah thinks Seth will stay alive so long as I do what Victoria wants." I sat down on a chair opposite Sue and looked at the older Quileute woman directly. I could hardly imagine what it was like for a mother to fear losing her child under normal circumstances, add a vampire to the mix and it made it somehow worse. Parents were supposed to be able to protect their children from things that went bump in the night.

"So you're a wolf?" I watched her lips tremble as she formed the words. I felt the heat of a blush rise to my face. "Your poor father. Does he even know?" The emotional weight behind those words made my own lips trembled and for a moment I thought I might be sick as I looked at her.

"She's Clan. A lycanthrope, like my brother and I." Mathew spoke for me from the doorway.

"I'm still me Sue." I said softly. "I just changed a little."

"What exactly did Leah tell you that Victoria wants?" Sam ground out from behind clenched teeth.

"Bella." Jacob's answer was choked and I looked at my feet as his fingertips whispered across my shoulders as he paced by me. The contact was there like an electric current pulling my shoulders together and then it was gone like a whisper on the wind.

"Absolutely not!" Matthew and Daniel bellowed at the same time. I looked up and between them as they stared incredulously at each other and then at me.

"This isn't one of those times that you get to decide to take my choices away." I shook my head, the resolve that had already made the decision to face Victoria down kept my voice steadier then my insides felt. It wasn't like I was looking forward to seeing Victoria face to face again, I just didn't have any other choice. "Right now all she wants in exchange for Seth is a conversation with me, in a very public place in the middle of the morning tomorrow. I am willing to take the risk. Vampires have rules, it's very unlikely that she is going to try and kill me in broad daylight in a crowded place and it's not like I have to go totally alone."

"Then I am going with you. I'm not playing by the same rules she has to. I'll rip her to peices." Matt snarled, his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"You can't." I shook my head and he glared at me. "She was very specific. Only Jacob. Anyone else and she'll most likely have Seth killed or kill him herself." It took three very large strides for Mathew to stand himself directly in front of me and one almost painful maneuver to set me on my feet and grip the back of my neck fiercely, forcing my eyes up to look him full in the face. His fingers dug deep into protesting muscles and I could see the fury etched into every feature on his face.

"I will not allow you to go." His breath floated over my face and the wolf that had curled up in my stomach and had been offering me strength and solace since my mad Change and rush to make it to the Clearwater's home rumbled her understanding of his words, we had little choice in the matter but even she didn't like the command. I tried to move but his vice-like grip on my neck only tightened, pulling a whimper of pain from my throat.

"Let her go!" Jacob snapped. Matt ignored him, his eyes boring holes into my face as I tried to avoid direct eye contact.

"It's okay." I hissed, holding myself as still as possible to stop him tightening his grip even more. "You won't stop me from going Matthew." I whispered.

"I will decide what is best for you Isabella, it's my job, my responsibility and you will do as you are told for once in your life!" He roared at me and I flinched, and then felt a tingling heat travel up the length of my spine. My trembling muscles were soothed and a feeling at the back of my mind reassured me that I wasn't alone. Suddenly my eyes were locked to Matt's, my eyes which I was sure were the amber of my wolf looked back into the yellow gold of Mathew's.

"You're not going to like it but you are going to let me do this." I breathed, my eyes leaving his and traveling to a stop near his ear. It was no contest, Matt would always be my superior but I was not a pushover either. "Jacob can watch my back this time. You need to look after my father for me. Take Dan and Jasper and get him as far away from all of this as possible then come back."

"Your plan is unacceptable." He snarled, shaking me slightly.

"I know." I said softly.

"Come up with a new one or I will take you back to South America on the first plane out of Seattle." He snapped at me.

"There is no other way. This is my fault; I need to help fix it." I replied. "I know you can stop me. But if you don't let me go then Seth dies and it will be the blood of a friend on _our_ hands. I know I can't live with that, don't make me try."

"God damn it Iz!" Matt released me almost violently and I swayed on my feet, needing to regain a balance that I didn't know I was missing. Matt paced away from me, running both hands through his hair and my eyes followed him for a moment before meeting the eyes of the others in the room that were looking at us.

Sam was watching at us with his eyebrows elevated slightly, Sue was looking at the floor as was Dan and Jacob was currently being restrained by his imprint. I looked at him and shook my head just enough to try and keep him from overreacting further.

"How are we supposed to get your dad to come with us?" Dan asked me, his eyes glued to a spot on the couch next to where I was standing, displays of dominance always made him cagey. "Where do we take him?"

"I don't have the answers to those questions; I just need him to be safe and you are the only ones that I trust to put his safety first." I shook my head.

"We tell Charlie the truth." Billy said and suddenly all the eyes in the room focused in on him.

"We can't." I shook my head.

"He should know the truth Bella, he should have known the truth years ago." Sue nodded her agreement with Billy.

"I agree." Old Quil nodded once and gave Sam an expectant look.

"Fine." Sam ground his teeth together and I looked over at Carlisle.

"I have no objection." Carlisle shook his head.

"Matt?" I looked back over at him for some sign that this was the right thing to do. "Charlie won't ever understand!"

"I don't know how else to convince him that he's in danger. I'll talk to him myself." Matt turned and looked at me; his eyes still the hard yellow of his wolf.

"If you're sure." I nodded my head.

"I will get your father safely out of Forks Iz but I will be back. Until I get back you will not do anything rash, consent to any of Victoria's conditions or agree to any of her demands. Am I understood?" He looked at me, command clear in his tone. He waited till I nodded before turning his eyes to his brother. "Lets go!" He snapped, striding from the room without looking back.

"Be careful." Dan gripped my shoulder lightly before leaving the room behind Matt, Jasper moving fluidly after them. I looked after them and took a deep breath in.

"What now?" Melika looked at me expectantly.

"Now I do what Victoria wants in exchange for Seth." I replied.


	13. NOTE: Opinions please :)

Hello all!

I'm sorry that this isn't actually an update, that will be coming in the next couple of days but I wanted opinions before I went forward with an update. Once I have heard your thoughts, this will be taken down and replaced with an actually part, so sorry if I have disappointed anyone that was not my intent.

We are at a cross-roads in the storytelling process where it would be very easy to go ahead and move the story rating from a T to an M (Due to violence, language and lemony goodness). I am still however at a point in the writing process where I could tone all of these down to keep with a T rating if it is preferred by you guys who are reading, feel free to drop me a personal message or go ahead and leave your opinion in a review.

Thank you ahead of time!

All That's Left Is A Girl


	14. Part 12

Hello Everyone!

Sorry that this has been such a long time coming, as I was trying to fix this up for posting I was notified of my uncle's death and that has consumed the last few weeks almost entirely. I appreciate all the feedback that you have given me and have gone ahead and raised the rating to M, there are going to be some violent situations and a few lemons sprinkled in the next few chapters.

Here is Part 12 offered up for your consideration and hopefully your mercy, it isn't quite up to where I wanted it to be but at this point I'm having a hard time working on it because that's what I was doing when I got the news about my uncle so instead of worrying about it, I'm going to go ahead and post it as is and move on with the story because that's what's working for me at the moment and I feel that the show must go on, I may or may not revisit it in the future.

Onward and upward...

All That's Left Is A Girl

* * *

><p>Part 12<p>

Emotions raged a war in the tight space that was Leah's car and this time there was no Jasper to superimpose a sense of calm and peace. Jacob was driving and I was deliberately looking anywhere but at him. Somehow I thought it would make the elephant easier to ignore but all it seemed to do was drive the air from the tight space we were already in.

The cloudless sky overhead looked heavy but the night air was mild and the telltale smell of rain was absent. Or perhaps the atmosphere only seemed oppressive because of the events of the night that felt like they were laid out in front and behind me. Where vampires went, there were always casualties. At least that was what Rose had told me once. I couldn't help but feel the reality of that statement now hanging overhead.

It was why the Cullens had adapted to living among people without integrating themselves too deeply into their lives. Well at least until I appeared in sleepy Forks. I had changed everything and the people that I loved and cared about were now paying the price of Edward's and my arrogance. I felt my stomach clench as I swallowed the black and white facts that even I couldn't ignore.

Brady was barely an adult. His mind was finally catching up with his face and physic but now he was gone. The first Quileute casualty. Sure I knew there had been many close calls. Broken bones, limbs nearly lost and Jacob's near fatal bite but they were all survivors and as they had survived they had started to seem invincible but now one of their own was gone.

I almost choked on my own thoughts and hazarded a glance through downcast eyes at Jacob's stone like figure in the driver's seat.

He was breathing steadily, his eyes were focused on the road like it would disappear if he didn't and his hands gripped the steering wheel so hard I was surprised it wasn't melding to the shape of his palms.

I couldn't say that I blamed him; I didn't know what had gone on between him and his Pack brothers. I hadn't asked. I had been too preoccupied speaking with Billy, Sue and Carlisle to have paid attention to where Jake had gone with the Pack.

He had come back a short while later with the keys to Leah's car and a frown fixed to his face. He hadn't said a word to me just tilted his head in a gesture meant to communicate that I was to follow him and it hadn't surprised me when I did. What continued to surprise me was the silence that continued between Jacob and me.

Jacob and I had always talked. Spoken words in excess, going round and round in endless circles. There had always been an infinite number of topics, a hundred thousand strategies, and a thousand plans to make. Now there was nothing, just a dark silence that seemed to stretch without end into a black hole of eternal darkness.

I sighed and looked back out of the window into the night just in time to watch a mile marker go by that I had seen before. I frowned, paying special attention to the road for the first time as Jacob made two right hand turns. He was driving us round in circles.

"Where are we going Jake?" I asked him, keeping my voice low like to speak too loudly would shatter his concentration like a pane of glass.

"I'm not sure yet." His voice sounded like gravel, warn out and irritated.

"We are supposed to be heading to my house." I said calmly.

"It's not safe there." The death grip he had on the steering wheel tightened, the plastic and metal protesting softly under his fingers, the look on his face one that I had seen on Matt's before. It was the face of the protector; the Alpha trying to reason a way to protect everyone in an impossible situation.

"That's kinda irrelevant Jake." I shrugged and watched the muscles in his arms tighten and the pulse in his temple and throat pick up its pace a little.

I dropped the conversation and went back to looking out the window. Until I could think of a better solution letting him drive in circles wasn't hurting either of us. I took a deep breath, watching the trees sway slightly from side to side in the light wind. These were woods in which I had once found solace, where Jake and I had contented ourselves with each other's company for hours. Suddenly there was a streak of blonde just inside the trees so fast that I was sure for a moment that I had imagined until I saw it again clearly.

"Pull over Jake." I said seeing a turnout ahead.

"What's wrong?" Jacob jerked on the wheel sending me clattering into the car door and making the car shudder as it rolled off the asphalt and onto gravel as the wheels locked.

Like I had expected his eyes scanned our surroundings first, his jaw set in concentration as he focused on the tree line. I moved for the door handle popping the door open before he could lock it and I was out into the night air before he could stop me. I took a deep breath in, the crisp air filling my lungs and sending a shiver through my body. I heard Jacob open his door, unfold himself from the confines of the front seat and slam the door.

"What the hell Bella!" He snapped at me, taking a deep breath and then taking a defensive posture as he smelt vampire on the night air. His eyes snapped to me and I could see him calculate how long it would take him to phase and get between me and the threat.

"It's fine. I know them." I said quickly as I turned away from him and the car, heading for the tree line at a quick walk. It was a large Douglas Fur that I aimed for, knowing that they would be close.

"Bella." Rosalie moved out of the tree line.

"Rose." I changed direction and moved to stand in front of her as Emmett appeared next to her. "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be on this side of the treaty line!"

"I think that treaty lines are a little irrelevant tonight." Emmett was frowning as Rose moved swiftly to my side, her amber eyes scanning me quickly as if checking for any sort of damage. "Are you okay? Matt told us what happened, he was anxious for us to find you. He doesn't seem to trust the Quileutes."

"I'm fine." I nodded. "Matt just isn't happy about my decision."

"Come on, it's time to go, you're coming with us." Rosalie said as she patted the backpack she had on her shoulder. "I've got spare clothes and IDs; we've got to get you out of here and out of the country. We'll let the boys know where to meet us later."

"Over my dead body!" Jacob was at my side.

"So you want to just hand her over to Victoria? My family will hunt her and kill her, until then we have to keep Bella safe!" Rosalie glared at Jacob, her lips curled back in a silent snarl.

"I don't want her anywhere near Victoria either but I'm not letting you take her away." He glared at her.

"No. I'm not going anywhere. Nowhere is safe. You all have to come to terms with that as a fact and deal or it will drive you crazy. Trust me; I know what crazy is like." I turned to look at between them. I was trembling slightly. Meeting with Victoria was not a task that I relished but I wasn't running away, especially when Seth's life was on the line.

"Do you know what I'm supposed to do Bells? Cause Blondie over there is right." Jacob was shaking himself, his fists clenching and unclenching in a barely noticeable rhythm. He was doing his best to hold onto his humanity and not burst out of his own skin. The stress of Brady's death and Seth's capture as well as the proximity of vampires of any kind was playing on his already raw nerves.

"I'm pretty sure I know." I nodded. I had already assumed that the Pack would want reassurances that I would meet with Victoria. "The Pack doesn't have to make you. You don't even need to come. I'm getting Seth back tomorrow one way or another, I meant what I said to everyone, and I'm not going to let him die if there is something that I can do about it." I looked at them all.

"She'll kill you." Emmett stated as Rosalie paced away from us. "Maybe tomorrow, maybe she'll take you with her and play with you for a while, maybe she just wants to play cat and mouse but if you stay here she will kill you."

"Maybe." I nodded. "I'm sick of running. I'm sick of her always being a threat. I'm sick of her hurting people I care about. I can end this."

"You're ready to die?" He asked me seriously.

"I'm ready to do what's right." I answered him.

"There has to be another way." Jacob stated. He shook his head. I could see a sharp mind heavy with grief trying to reason behind tired eyes.

"She isn't just going to hand Seth over. For all you know he is already dead. Matt said that Leah couldn't confirm that he was still alive; she just thought that he was. Who knows if the void the Pack is feeling are one or two lives." Rosalie tried again, stalking back toward us and Jacob growled lightly next to me. I smiled at her, loving her even more for the way that she cared about me.

"You don't think that I've thought of all that? Of course I have, I'm not stupid. Regardless, I've made my choice, I'm going." I shrugged. I could rationalize everything so long as I put my emotions behind a carefully erected wall.

"I'm not letting you do this!" Rosalie snapped.

"You not surviving is not an option!" Jacob practically roared at me at the same time.

"You lost a brother tonight in revenge for a death that may not have happened if I hadn't gotten attached to Edward. I will not let Seth, someone who has always been a friend to me die too!" I snapped at him before turning to her. "What if it was Alice she had killed tonight or Edward or Esme? What if it was Emmett she had taken? What would you want me to do then Rose?" I looked at her, her face tightened and then fell and I knew I had won. "I'll tell you that my choice wouldn't be any different."

Sacrifice was part of my life; part of me had always felt that I would end up dying before my time ever since I had met Edward and his family, most likely because of them. The one time I had met Matthew's eldest sibling, he had taken one look at me and told me that I would die young and at Matthew's insistence, left just as quickly as he had arrived before he could explain himself.

"We all know it can end like this Bells but it wasn't supposed to be one of the kids!" The aggression was flowing out of Jacob's voice to be replaced by raw pain that broke my heart into little pieces. I balled my hands into fists, my fingernails biting into the palms of my hands as I willed myself not to move.

"I know." I acknowledged. There was no quick way to heal this hurt, the pain had to be felt and processed.

"It wasn't supposed to you either. We've lost Brady. Now we might lose Seth too and if we don't, I lose you!" His anguish turned to a growl of sheer rage that the knot in my chest responded to with the need for retribution at the same time as my heart ached.

"Maybe it's time for you all to stop protecting me and let me pay for my own sins." I took a deep breath.

There were no answers whispered in the night air. There was only anger and profound pain without any known balm and whispers of the costliness of past mistakes. Rosalie stood like a statue next to Emmett, her eyes focused on me as she tried to use her too sharp mine to come up with a solution to our impasse.

"I could make you come with us. Jacob couldn't stop me." Rosalie said quietly.

"Rose!" Emmett chided sharply and I knew that he was on my side even if he didn't like the possible outcomes.

"I could." She snapped back and Jacob nodded his head, he wouldn't stop her, the irony even in that moment was not lost on me.

"I'd never forgive you. Any of you." I said back to her and her shoulders fell slightly.

"So I'm just supposed to let you go off to your death with nothing but a traitorous mutt to go with you?" She looked at me and I could see sadness written all over her features.

"No." I shook my head. "You're leaving me with Jacob who isn't any more a traitor then you were to Edward when you chose to stay with me. If you want to help me, you can go find Edward. He needs to know what's happened."

"I don't like this." She glared at me.

"I don't either but there isn't another way." I was honest.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do Izzy." Emmett had gathered me into a bear hug that I hadn't been expecting after a few moments of unsteady silence. For a moment I was encased in arms that were strong as the cold marble that it felt they were made from and I felt a little more at peace.

I was doing the right thing.

"You had better still be here when I get back." Rosalie hugged me quickly and then thrust the backpack into my arms. "Just encase you change your mind. You know how to get a hold of us." She gave me one last hard look and then turned and was gone. Emmett winked at me and then followed her.

"Brady's dead because of me, you shouldn't be stuck in the middle." He said as he watched them disappear into the night leaving us alone again.

"Maybe that is partially true but Brady and the rest of you are in the middle of a war that the Cullens and I started. You could easily say that it's my fault for coming back." I shrugged, shaking my head. This wasn't helping; this blame game was too easy to fall into. "This all could have been avoided if I hadn't come back." I looked up at him, traced the hard set line of his jaw, watched the pulse in his temple beat an increasingly steady rhythm and then came to rest on eyes that were looking at me with a tenderness that I hadn't expected.

"I'm not sure that would have changed anything." He replied.

"Let me take you home Jake. I'll take Leah's car, someone can come picked it up from my place tomorrow." I placed a hand on his arm, wishing that he could tap into the Clan bond so I could lend him a little of my own acceptance and the peace that came with it.

He looked at me frowning as his phone started to buzz in his pocket, an old ACDC song blasting into the night. I looked at him, a half smile startled to my face as I realized it was the same ringtone that I had programed into a different phone years ago. He shrugged, fishing the offensive item out of the pockets of his pants.

"No deal." He said to me before checking the caller ID. The look on his face got dark, his eyebrows folding in on themselves and hiding his eyes from me. "What?" There was venom in his voice.

"The Swans' house is empty. Bella's wolves left with Charlie about twenty minutes ago." Sam's voice was tart on the other end of the phone.

"My father?" I cried softly and Jake seemed to understand the meaning behind my quiet exclamation.

"How's Charlie Sam?" He asked. I held my breath, my every nerve focused on the sound of Sam's breathing coming through the phone.

"Pissed and worried but he went with them. They didn't tell him about Bella meeting with the red head." His reply slowed the staccato rhythm of my heart a notch and I swallowed hard, relief flooding my veins.

"Alright." He looked at the relief on my face, the hard lines around his eyes softening slightly as he hit the end button unceremoniously.

My father was safe. He wasn't about to become another piece in play to use against me or anyone else. I knew that if Matt had gotten him to leave, he would take him somewhere that Victoria couldn't get to him.

The silence was only broken by the natural sounds of the night. A rustle in the undergrowth, the chattering of a pair of chipmunks, the sleepy sounds of crickets, the whispering of the wind through the bows of the pines making it seem like you could almost hear them breathing. Carbon dioxide in, oxygen out taking bad and turning it to good.

"Come on. I'll make us something to drink when we get to the house." He was calm as though he felt more anchored. He held out his hand to me, no demand behind the action just the desire for trust on my part.

"Ok." I allowed my fingers to entwine with his, not caring that the action felt more intimate then it should have.

"I'm not leaving you Bells." He squeezed my fingers as he led me back to the car.

"I know." I answered, letting him open the passenger side door for me. I tucked myself into the car and he closed the door.

The drive to Jacob's house was spent in silence. Perhaps it was the fact we had been driving in circles for so long or perhaps I got lost in my thoughts but we were at Jacob's house before I was really ready to be there.

Jake killed the engine and for a moment we were both still, our breath coming in slowly as we stared at the building. He broke from the trance before me, opening the driver's side door and unfolding himself from the cramped space that I was sure even Leah wasn't comfortable in before walking to my door and opening it. Again I found myself staring at his outstretched hand. Technically there was a choice. I knew there was because I made one when I reinserted my hand in his and let him lead me inside.

I could feel the tension in his muscles through his hand, the way that his fingers tightened and loosened around my own as he led me through the front door. The smells of hard wood and the recently burned fire wood mingled with the scent of rain and evergreen that I associated with Jacob as well as Lynx Dry Africa deodorant.

"Matt was here?" I let my hand fall from his.

"It's as good a place as any to talk." He shrugged. "I forget that your nose is pretty sharp now Bells or I would have warned you. Come on. Let's get you settled and we can talk about it." He motioned with his head for me to follow him.

He led me down the hallway to the downstairs bedroom. It was a pretty room, the walls had been painted white, and the trim was light blue and matched the stripped bedspread on the queen size bed and the curtains on the windows. There was a light pine book shelf on one wall that matched the chest of drawers on the opposite wall as well as the bedside tables.

"Ok Jake. I want to know the name of your interior designer." I shook my head.

"Well that is a bit of a story." He opened the chest of drawers revealing a couple of pairs of sweats, socks, jeans, t-shirts and a sweater. "Just encase there isn't something in that pack. They're Leah's. She usually stays here when she comes home. Fewer unwanted guests." He explained.

"I can understand that." I shrugged as I took the sweats and t-shirt he offered me.

"I'll let you be and you can meet me in the kitchen when you're ready." He nodded, showing himself out of the room.

It took me five minutes to put on clothes and make myself comfortable enough to walk through to the kitchen. Jake had just turned the stove off and was pouring hot water into two mugs. His back was to me, muscles easily seen through the simple t-shirt he was wearing as he flexed his shoulders as he moved.

So much had changed in the last few hours and yet I couldn't stop myself from remembering what it was like to have those muscles flex under my fingers. I could easily recall the taste of his skin, how his work roughened hands felt against my body. I knew all the secret places that made him tremble; I could remember what it was like to tremble as he touched me in return. I paused for a moment to take a deep breath and clear my head of unwanted fluff.

"You're going to have to stop looking at me like that of you want me to have half a chance here honey." He said as he turned to face me, one mug held firmly in hand, a spoon in the other stirring in the chocolate mixture. There was yearning mixed with compassion on his softly smiling face.

"I just don't understand Jake!" I cried. I was tired, my bones ached with the weight of what had happened to the Quilleite Pack, to my friend, my stomach kept clenching in knots over the outcome of a meeting I had no control over and yet here I was stood near Jacob, my muscles quivering with the effort it took not to touch him.

My wolf was pacing in my chest. It made it hard to form thoughts without an awareness of her opinion. As always it was an experience I wasn't sure that I was comfortable with. _"Well it's your own damn fault. You woke her up before the full moon." _The annoying voice at the back of my head reminded me.

"Hell Bella! What is there not to understand?" He slammed the mug onto the counter, the contents slopping over the rim and onto the counter top. "I love you! I've loved you since we were children! Do you really think that a twisted sort of heritage can change something that is as much a part of me as my own blood?" He was exasperated and agitated.

"But the imprint?" I whispered even as my feet carried me across the kitchen toward him as if my body had a will of its own.

"It's bloody irrelevant!" He growled as he reached for me and pulled me into his arms, his mouth meeting mine with a bruising force but I didn't care, for the first time in a long time I was where I belonged. Hands moved of their own accord. His were buried deep in my hair, using the back of my skull as leverage to tilt my head and give him easy access to my mouth.

One of my hands had taken root on his shoulder while the other had fisted itself in his T-shirt. The only goal in my mind to be as close to him as possible. His tongue danced with mine to a rhythm I had thought long forgotten but that felt as natural as breathing. I wrapped an arm around his chest, pulling my body closer to his, his heat defusing through my clothes and settling in the depths of my stomach.

Suddenly Jake was pulling away from me, his body moved from mine, his lips disengaged themself from my own and I couldn't even muster embarrassment over the whimper that left my throat. His breathing was ragged, mine wasn't much better and suddenly without his body against me I was the kind of cold that settled deep into your bones. I looked down at the floor; my heart that had leapt at the feeling of being in Jacob's arms was filled with confusion. Then I felt his lips brush against my forehead and his fingers tilting my chin so that I was looking at him.

"Jacob." His name slid from my lips like a plea or perhaps a prayer as he pealed my fingers from his shirt and held them in-between both of his much larger hands.

"Listen to me Bells because I only have the strength to ask this once." His eyes were full of desperation, longing, pain and over it all I knew I wasn't imaging love. "We can stop right now; right here and I can pretend that this moment never happened."

"Jake-" I opened my mouth to speak but only his name passed my lips before he shook his head firmly from side to side. I whimpered a protest then took a deep breath trying not to sound desperate but not knowing how to stop this conversation from happening. I didn't know the right words to tell him that this was all that I had ever wanted.

"Right now, I can keep fixing us hot drinks. Sit down at the table and we can pass stories back and forward until dawn. For _you _I can do that." His breath was coming in ragged gasps through his teeth. "Bella," He said my name with such reverence and passion that my heart broke a little. "I love you too much to let you do something that you're going to regret in the morning."

"I won't regret it Jake." I shook my head. "I've never regretted a moment I've spent with you. I never will." The fact that never could end up being a very short time didn't escape me but I pushed it to the back of my mind, I would use what time I had wisely. "But you have an imprint and responsibilities. When all is said and done, are you going to face Melika and the Pack and have your own regrets?"

"That's not possible." He pressed me close again, the hand that had kept my face away from his drawing me close as he covered my mouth with his.

If it's possible for a person to melt then I did right then and there in his arms in the middle of his kitchen. My knees felt week like the muscles and tendons had ceased doing their job. The hand that he had placed on my lower back took over the job of supporting me while drawing our bodies true.

For a moment I relaxed in his embrace, relaxing into his kiss and the promise of more, much, much more pressed into my abdomen. It didn't take long for instinct and memory to take over as well as an urgency that had been building in me to years.

My hands found the hem of his shirt, fingers tracing the clear cut muscles along his sides as I pulled the offending item up, breaking the hold that his lips had on mine just long enough to discard it with a toss to god knows where. I could hear my breathing getting heavier as his lips and teeth traced a line across my jaw down to my neck, spreading goose bumps and wonderful sensations through my body all the way to my toes.

Jake's hands wrapped themselves around my waist, turning us both in a simple, effortless movement so that I found myself sitting on one of the counter tops, his hands tracing the lines of my ribs under my t-shirt as I wrapped my legs around his hips. My breathing hitched in my throat as he nibbled the curve in my neck where it met my shoulder, his fingers rubbed lazy circles on the skin near the waist band of my sweats as I ran my hands through his short hair.

Driven by greed or sheer wantonness I pulled his face back up to my own, my hips grinding against his as I locked our mouths together. He groaned, a hand cupping my backside and pulling me closer to him. I shuddered, as after a few moments he lightly bit my bottom lip, tracing a line back the way he had gone before as he hands lifted the t-shirt over my head.

It too was discarded without thought somewhere on the kitchen floor quickly followed by my bra. Tongue dancing, lips and teeth working he made his way across and down my chest. He kissed the flesh at top of each of my breasts before resting his head for a moment over my heart. Anticipation had quickened my breathing and made my insides feel both on fire and tangled up in knots but for a moment even that stopped.

Jacob was listening to the sound of my heartbeat.

It was an action that I remembered from the very first time that I had given myself wholly to him. The expression of simple gratitude and awe that I had chosen to allow my heart to continue to beat, that I had truly chosen him had made him declare that it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard in the world.

I felt my eyes mist again as he looked up from his position into my eyes. "I've missed…" The remainder of the sentence went unspoken but it didn't need to be.

"Me too." I answered simply as his arms wrapped around me and he lifted me once more. I locked my legs around his waist and showered his face, neck and shoulders with kisses of my own as he moved with a fluid grace through his house and up the stairs to the master floor.

I was lowered onto his California king sized bed with all the tenderness that would have been bestowed on an object made of something fragile and precious. It was a strange sensation. While Jacob and I had never been particularly rough lovers we hadn't been overly gentle with each other either and things between Matt and I, well let's just leave it in the grey area of complicated.

"Jake!" I groaned, hands reaching for the waist band of his jeans only to be caught in hands larger then my own.

"What's the rush?" Jacob nuzzled the crook of my neck and I stretched under him, our chests rubbing together, my hips rolling against his. A drawn out groan echoed from his chest and he pressed his head into my shoulder. "You're going to be the death of me."

"I think you've said that to me before." I murmured distracted by his lips as they moved along my neck once more, following a well-remembered trail to my breasts. He was deliberate in his slow attentions to my body until I was literally shaking under him. My back arched off the bed as he took his time with each breast, using his mouth and the thumb and forefinger of one of his hands to give them equal attention while his other hand slid to the small of my back, down over my ass and around my hip till he traced down the muscles of my inner thigh. Every nerve ending and muscle was strung tighter than I thought possible. I had to face the reality that Jacob had been the only person in my world to ever make me feel this alive.

The rest of our clothes were quickly discarded to land in piles around the room while hands and mouth re-explored territory that had once had been as well-known as our own skin. His hands traced the plains of ribs and belly to my hips and thighs while his mouth moved from my face to neck to breasts, his lips followed the lines of my clavicle, sternum and ribs

My fingers kneaded undulating muscles, traced the lines of ribs and sculpted abs all while my brain tried to hold onto a semblance of sanity as my wolf tried to climb closer to the surface then I wanted. The god damned wolf had recognized and laid claim to him the minute she had seen him in the clearing, to her consummation was the natural conclusion and she would do her damnedest to insure its completion.

"Please." I was surprised to hear demand in my voice over desperation. There was an answering growl from deep down in his chest before his mouth covered mine in a kiss that was hungry, demanding, possessing and filled with unsatisfied want.

He slipped one arm under my ass and lifted, tilting my hips upward to meet his thrust. A sigh of contentment ripped from my throat as he stilled, our groins pressed firmly together. There was a moment in which the world stilled, in which my whole attention was focused on the feeling that for the first time in years I was complete. I pressed feather light kisses across his chest as his breath pulsed against the top of my head.

"Jesus Bells!" His voice was rough as I moved beneath him, the stillness driving me mad with my body's need for friction.

"Jesus has nothing to do with it." I replied and a chuckle vibrated through his body into mine and finally he relented picking up a rhythm that turned my bones to jelly and my muscles to mush.

If there was one thing to be said for Jacob was that he was a dedicated lover, as slow and deliberate in his attentions as he was determined and skilled. I closed my eyes a low purr rumbling in my chest as he seemed to gage that the time was right and picked up the tempo, our bodies moving together toward a mutual and wonderful ending. To me the building tension in my core, the incredible feeling of fullness and wholeness, Jacob's breath in my ear, his lips on mine felt like a homecoming.

A homecoming completed in the whisper of his name that was joined by the sound of his own fulfillment on his lips and a moment of mind blowing release. A feeling that I always thought would be like standing in the middle of the birth of a star, the universe ripping apart only to fall back perfectly in place. A moment where chaos stilled to become flawless.

I must have drifted off for a moment because when I opened my eyes it was to see Jacob watching me intently. The expression on his face made the contented smile that I'd come back to consciousness with disappear. His expression looked like concern and sorrow. I pulled the sheet that had been draped over me tightly around my body like a shield. His eyes met mine and he frowned.

"Jake?" I whispered his name as I sat up and drew away from him.

"Bells?" His frown deepened and I swallowed hard.

"It's creepy to watch other people sleep you know." I pulled the sheet tighter around me and moved my body just enough to avoid Jacob's fingers brushing against my hip.

"That used to be my line." Jacob shook his head a soft smile that I wanted to trust drifting across his face, only to be replaced by the frown once more.

"Is everything okay?" The words sounded more hesitant then even I liked and Jacob must have seen the anxiety on my face. An arm snaked around my waist pulling my sheet clad body flush with his.

"Don't." His voice was stern in my ear. He pressed his face against my neck, his nose gently rubbing against the corner of my jaw for a moment. "You are the most beautiful, precious creature that I've ever met. Don't look at me like I regret what we've done, I don't." His lips brushed the pulse point in my neck, his heat defused through the sheet as he wrapped his much larger frame around me. I couldn't help myself, my body melted into his and a sigh whispered from my lips.

"You had this look on your face. I was worried that… I thought that maybe…" I didn't finish my thought. The words hung in the air between us.

"I was watching you rest, trying to come up with a way to make time stop. Trying to find a way to protect you from what's happening around us." He continued to trail feather light kisses down my neck till he had his head buried in the crook of my neck.

The heat from his body relaxed my muscles, relaxed my mind and for a moment I was content just to rest against him, reaching back to gently rub the muscles in his neck and then his arms. He didn't say anything else, just lay there with me. Every now and then his fingers would glide against my skin; his lips brush sensitive nerve endings. He shifted his weight, his knees brushing against my calves. I breathed in deeply, for the first time in years I felt at peace. The wolf was quiet. The past didn't matter. The future was in the future and now was perfect.

"Did it hurt?" His voice was vapor.

"Did what hurt Jacob?"

"Changing?" The whisper again. It was as if he almost didn't want the answer.

"I've known so much worse." I couldn't help but sigh. I could still remember what it felt like when James bit me. The way that his teeth had cut through my skin like razor blades, how his venom had turned to a fire that spread through my veins, the way that every nerve ending seemed to fire at once, the way every muscle in my body had cramped and convulsed. I could remember what it felt like to see Jacob's face as he looked at Malika for the first time and the feeling in my gut as I realized that I had lost everything I had counted on for years. I had known so much more than the small bite that had changed who I was.

"I'm sorry." He declared much louder than his previous words.

"It's not your fault. If it wasn't for what has happened, we wouldn't be who we are now. I wouldn't change who you are if I had the choice." I turned to face him and smiled at him. "What did you and Matt talk about this evening?"

"You." His arms tightened around me for a moment before he propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at me.

"Yes, you already said that." I pushed.

"Last time I saw you, when I saw you walk out of my house and get into your truck. It was like you were walking out of my life again and this time I knew I could have stopped you right then, I could have closed the door on the world and pretended that it didn't exist, that the Pack, my family, your family, your Pack didn't matter. But it wouldn't have made us happy Bella, maybe for a moment but not forever and I want forever."

"So you asked Matt?" I traced the line of his jaw revealing in the feel of his skin and a day's worth of stubble under my fingertips.

"Yes." He nodded closing his eyes for a moment and leaning into my touch.

"Then you know." I bit my lip and took a deep breath in.

"Yes." He nodded again. It was one thing to tell Leah about Matt and our rather complicated relationship. It had been a calculated risk knowing that both Jacob and Leah so rarely phased with any of the Pack that it would be unlikely that he would ever come across the information, it was another to know he had heard it from Matthew himself.

"I haven't ever loved him the way that he wanted me to." I held Jacob's gaze. "At first I thought that I could learn to love him. When he bit me and I woke up I knew that I couldn't. I care deeply for him but I don't love him like I love you."

"He said as much." Jacob replied. "He wasn't happy about it but he said that as long as I didn't hurt you again, as long as you were happy, he wouldn't stop me being in your life in whatever capacity you wanted me there."

"Whatever capacity I want?" I raised an eyebrow, the corners of my mouth turning up in a smile. He chuckled but nodded. "Interesting." I tucked my hair behind my ear before propping myself up enough to brush my lips against his. "What happens if you hurt me?" I asked.

"He hurts me and everything that I care about." Jacob managed to say without flinching. Leaning forward and capturing my lips in a gentile kiss.

"I see." I wrapped one arm around his neck as one of his pulled me flush with him. It didn't take long for the kiss to go from indulgent to heated to passionate. It was like I couldn't get enough of the taste of his lips or the feel of his skin against mine.

It wasn't fare!

The last piece of the puzzle in my life had just fallen into place and Victoria had to come and ruin it. It was like I had gone from passionate to desperate in the matter of seconds and he responded. He held me close and broke the kiss, looking at me with concern as I tried to suppress the tears that were suddenly dripping down my cheeks.

"Bella, honey…" He pulled me close to his chest and I breathed in deeply.

"I just got you back." I breathed out, my fingers digging into the muscles of his back, clinging to him for a moment.

"We'll find a way to stop her." He sounded determined and all I could do was pray that he was right.


	15. Part 13

Here is Part 13 for your reading pleasure.

Thank you all for reading, please drop me a review if you have time when you are done they are greatly appreciated.

All That's Left Is A Girl

* * *

><p>Part 13<p>

At some point Jacob slept. In his sleep he finally relaxed. His face took on a youthfulness that I remembered from a time when vampires and werewolves didn't exist. I watched him for a moment wishing that I could sleep as peacefully and knowing that I couldn't, not tonight. Every time I closed my eyes, Hunter Wainwright's sad face floated across my eyelids. The expression the same one he had had on his face when he proclaimed me a sacrifice to the rest of his family. If only I had known then that he had seen into a future that even I knew nothing about.

If I stayed in bed any longer I was going to wake Jacob and as much as I wanted to cling to him for dear life he needed to rest and I wasn't going to deny him sleep. Jacob made a soft noise at the back of his throat as I slipped out of his California king but didn't wake. I gathered my clothes, tugging underwear and pants on, shrugging on my bra before grabbing the tank top I'd been wearing from the kitchen floor.

The clock on the microwave flashed 03:47.

I hated it for marking the passage of time.

I gathered up the unused mugs from the counter top and set the kettle to boil. I gave the few dishes in the sink a quick wash and mopped up the partly congealed spill on the counter near the stove before the water boiled. With the lack of anything else productive to do I set about making tea. There was a distinct lack of options in his cupboards, just one lonely package of blackberry and vanilla stuffed between two different kinds of coffee.

I took a deep breath in as I poured the hot water over the tea bag and watched the water charge color. It only took me a couple of minutes to find the sugar and pour in a healthy serving. Upstairs I heard Jacob shift in his sleep and paused for a moment hoping that my actions hadn't woke him.

His breathing never changed.

I swooped up my mug and plonked myself down at the kitchen table. I sat and sipped at my drink as the clock on the wall ticked away the seconds and the microwave marked the minutes as they slowly slipped by.

I closed my eyes and tried to clear my mind.

It was easier to first identify the smells and sounds in the house. The sound of the wall clock, Jacob's rhythmic breathing, the furnace kicking on, the wind through a cracked window. Jacob's scent had permeated the entire house but there were subtle undertones of his favorite Guatemalan coffee blend, the soft fruity scent of Melika's perfume and burnt drift wood. There were newer scents too, the chicken in a garlic cream sauce that he must have had for dinner, Matt's Lynx Dry Africa deodorant and my own scent mixed with the undeniable fragrance of arousal and the resulting intercourse.

The moment that my mind relaxed in time with my breathing I became acutely aware of another presence at the back of my mind, trying to rummage through my thoughts. The wolf was restless, eminent doom the only thing occupying her sleepy thoughts. I rubbed at the pressure against my breast bone and gave into her pushing, at her suggestion my mind turning to vampires. The memories of the Cullens were met with disdain.

They were family, they were safe.

I almost snorted at myself as images of Jasper's face on my seventeenth birthday came to the forefront of my mind. He had been nothing short of predatory with his pale lips drawn back to show off razor sharp teeth, his crouch before he sprung almost feline. He had moved unnaturally fast, his focus only on me and that small drop of blood from a stupid paper cut.

Where vampires went there were always casualties.

I had been one of them once upon a time. James had toyed and taunted, playing cat and mouse in a game I was never meant to win. He liked the game, the thrill of torture. He was so self-assured, so vain that he had let me live too long but not without delivering a permanent reminder of what terror really was.

I remembered everything, every expression, every crouch and spring, every word that came out of his mouth. I remembered the way that his teeth were an other worldly white in the moonlight and the way that the venom dripped from his canines. The all-consuming pain that felt like I was burning alive from the inside out. What it felt like when Edward's lips had fastened over the wound and I felt my life being literally sucked out of my body.

My wrist ached and I looked down to realize that my fingernails were digging into the flesh around the reminder that James had left me. The perfect imprint of his teeth in cold marble flesh that was impossible to remove even if I tried to rip my own skin off. I growled deep down in my throat and pushed against the heaviness of the wolf. She could go rot in hell; I wanted nothing to do with these memories. If this was my last night on earth, I would rather dwell on the good things in my life then the nightmares.

'_I don't want to die.'_

I sat still and silent not able to deny the voice that I heard or the words said but also not ready to explore how far the separation in consciousness went. So instead I took a deep breath and nodded my head. I didn't want to die either. That was a sentiment that I could get behind one hundred percent. But I also knew that I didn't have much of a choice if it came down to it.

"All she wants to do is talk." I said out loud to no one in particular but even I knew better. Victoria had pursued me mercilessly for years her sole purpose had been my annihilation why would she decide to settle for a simple conversation now when she had leverage that she knew I would die for.

I stood and walked through the kitchen to the back door. It was still dark outside when I turned my back on the door and walked to the back porch steps. I picked my step and sat, enjoying the feeling of the light night breeze across my skin. I could hear what I was sure was a water feature at the bottom of the garden. There were a few night animals out and about, a small rodent rustling in the undergrowth, a bird restless in its nest in the trees that lined one side of the garden and three sets of large paws softly treading in the forest.

I sighed as I turned my head in the direction of the wolves wondering in the trees at the edge of the woods. "You may as well come out. I can hear you." I said looking into the darkness in the direction that I had heard them come from.

For a moment there was an eerie silence. It was as if all the living creatures around us stilled and held their breath so they couldn't be found by the specters moving past them through the trees. Then they came, three massive wolves stalking through the grass. Embry appeared first, a pewter shadow in the night, the leaner form of Quil followed closely on his heels looking uncomfortable and a few steps behind them striding in confident arrogance came Paul, torn ear and all.

"Jacob's finally sleeping. I won't wake him and I would advise that you don't either." I said after they had turned to face me. Paul laid his ears back against his skull I'm sure not liking the tone of my voice and Embry cocked his head to one side.

I took a sip of my drink and observed them for a while.

As one they sat on their haunches like over grown dogs facing where I sat on the steps looking impassively at them. Quil looked somewhat anxious; his weight shifting minutely from one from paw to the other as if sitting still was just too much to ask. Paul was doing his best bored impression looking around the garden, not seeming to pay attention to anything in particular but his entire countenance was focused on the forest around us and Embry looked plain lazy with his large pink tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth as he yawned and then licked his lips.

"I don't know why you are here but I am not having a discussion with any of you until you are human." I said firmly.

Embry stood and walked towards the steps I was sitting on. He flopped to the ground almost dramatically before resting his head on the step I was sitting on. His ears flicked back to Paul when a growl started deep down in his chest but he just shrugged and yawned again.

"He's right you know. Sam isn't going to be happy you're here." Embry picked up an eyebrow then dropped it and shook his head like I had misinterpreted Paul. I couldn't help myself; I reached out and buried my head into the thick hair around his neck. In that moment he reminded me of Dan and the small ache in my chest where I keenly felt the absence of my little Clan throbbed once. Dan would have done the same thing, rested near me and made sure that I wasn't alone just encase I needed contact.

A few minutes later Quil dropped to the ground where he had been sitting and rested his head on his paws, his expressive brown eyes fixed on me and Embry as he took a deep breath in and out. Paul remained vigilant and we all kept our silence throughout the early hours of the morning. But all too soon, shadows chased away the darkness to be replaced by the multitude of colors that made up the sunrise.

For a few glorious minutes the sky was a blaze with color. Orange, pink, red, purple and gold. The world stilled, my worry was gone, I wasn't alone and I was reminded that things always looked better in the morning. It was going to be a beautiful sunny day, I was going to get Seth back, the Pack would start to heal each other and I would learn my fate.

I took a deep breath and next to me Embry sighed. A moment later, he and Quil had surged to their feet, their eyes focused on the house. From inside I could hear the soft tread of Jacob's bare feet on the stairs and then across the kitchen floor to the backdoor.

I got to my feet and stretched even as Paul disappeared into the forest and Embry moved a few steps away from me knowing by instinct that he wasn't going to be well received no matter how content I seemed in his company. I felt one of Jacob's arms encircle my waist; his lips brush a spot right behind my ear that made a shiver run up my spine and then back down again to pool in my abdomen. His eyes were focused on his brothers the whole time.

"None of you should be here!" His voice boomed across the yard and Quil whined softy in response. He had been one of Jacob's best friends at one point in time and I was sure that there was pain in being unwelcome.

"Jake!" I gave him a gentle push with my hip.

"Easy there Jacob." Paul emerged from the forest clad only in a pair of cutoff sweatpants that had seen better days. "We didn't come out of disrespect to you or to Bella."

"Then why are you here? To make sure that I deliver her to Victoria? To watch her suffer? To make sure that bitch kills her so that we can go back to normal?" He was snarling, his body vibrating behind me.

"Jacob Ephraim Black!" I gritted my teeth and turned to look at him, doing my best to put the same look on my face that I had often seen Sue give Seth and Leah when she was not best pleased. He glared over my head. I was reaching irritated fast. "Rein it in! I don't know why they are here but I do know Sam has nothing to do with it." I looked over at the motionless Paul who seemed to have lost some of his confidence under Jacob's gaze. "Why are you here Lahote?"

"Sam's done wrong by Charlie. We all agree on that, all of the Pack, but we're bound to his law." Paul looked between Jacob and I but I could tell he was trying to avoid looking him straight in the eye. "No offense Isabella but we should be with your father not your Clan. He is an important person to a lot of us and it doesn't sit well that he's gone with strangers that we don't know can even protect him."

"No offense taken." I nodded glad that I was secure in the fact that my Clan could look after my father more than sufficiently.

"Sam never ordered us to stay away from you so we asked your Alpha what we could do." Paul continued.

"What did Matt tell you?"

"He said that Clan doesn't leave their own to hold vigil alone. We came cause they couldn't." Paul continued his explanation.

I offered him a smiled. "Thank you." I said softly, my heart suddenly feeling a little fuller. I still had friends in the Pack as did my father. No matter what happened things were going to turn out okay. The people I cared about would be protected.

"Rachel warned me to keep my mouth shut but we all know I'm not good at that so I'm going to risk getting ripped to shreds and speak my mind." Paul took a deep breath as he looked between Jacob and I purposefully looking Jake straight in the face this time. Jacob stiffened, his jaw tightening and eyebrows folding together, the arm that was around my waist tightened protectively as if he was worried that Paul was threatening me. "The Pack needs you now Jacob. It's time for you to man up and take responsibility for what is rightfully yours."

"You're out of line!" Jacob was angry.

"Come on Jake give him a chance to speak. He has every right to be listened to." I turned and implored him, reaching up to put my hands on his face. He locked eyes with me and I smiled encouragingly. He pressed his cheek into my palm and took a deep breath in and out. It was like so many years ago, he was using me to keep his emotions in check, I was his anchor keeping the man with me so the wolf couldn't burst onto the scene.

"Paul's right." Quil's voice was soft. "Sam's done his best but he's fighting his own crusade now. He needs for things to be black and white with no grey areas so he can be absolved of his own choices, his own sins. It's ripping the Pack apart and we need to be unified right now."

"I've known Sam for a lot of years and he's always been a man of his word. His beef isn't with Isabella or anyone else. His fight is with imprinting. His fight is with the legends that only seem to drag more questions to the surface rather than answers." Paul jumped in the conversation before Jacob or I could speak.

"Imprinting is supposed to be this great gift but for some of us it's more of a curse." Quil was short. "Come on Jake, as much as I love her, I'm bound to a _child_. She's like my own goddamned kid, that's honestly how I feel about her; you know that, you've been in my head. You gonna be the sick fucker to tell me that I'm gonna be banging her when she comes of age?" There was disgust on his face that made me recoil and fill with disgust of my own, I had never thought about what the end result for him and Claire was going to be and hearing the black and white of it filled me with sympathy for the position he found himself in.

"But for Sam it's gotta work that way. If it doesn't then he chose Emily as much as she chose him. He's at fault for hurting Leah. You're challenging what he needs to be true." Paul finished. "Jared and I would love to stop shifting so we can start our own families, age with our wives. Leah would rather never come back to La Push at all. There are new kids showing signs of shifting, that are going to need to be trained but we're in the middle of a war with a general with his own agenda whose lost sight of the bigger picture. We're going to end up being killed or allowing someone else to be killed before any of those goals can be realized."

There was silence as Jacob looked at them dispassionately. Embry was the only one left as a wolf but then I was sure that Jacob already knew his friend's heart. In the end he didn't say anything; he just turned and left the porch.

"I'll do my best to speak with him." I promised as Paul sighed.

"Hopefully we see you this afternoon Swan. The rest of the Pack is agreed, as far as we're concerned, even though Sam can order us to stay away from you, his beef with you is not ours, you've done what you can to help and we're grateful to you for that." Paul nodded and headed back to the forest, Embry and Quil following behind him. He paused at the tree line and turned back to me, a slight smile on his face. "Leah's going to be okay. She started moving her toes about an hour ago. I just wanted you to know, just encase."

"Thank you." I whispered and walked back inside.

Jacob was stood in the kitchen waiting for me, not looking any happier than he had outside. I just walked over to him and stood on my tiptoes as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He looked at me and I kissed him gently and only for a moment. He looped his arms around me and pressed his forehead against mine.

"You need to get ready." He said softly.

"I know. So do you." I kissed him again before slipping away to change into different clothes.

There was largely silence between us the closer we got to Port Angeles. Leah's car made short time of the drive despite part of me willing time to pass by more slowly. Jacob was at war within himself and there was nothing that I could do to help him, he was going to have to come to his own peace without help.

It was looking like it was going to be a beautiful day. There was only a very light cloud cover and the temperature was steadily increasing despite a gentle breeze coming off the ocean. Not good conditions for an outdoors meeting with a vampire. The streets were packed with morning shoppers. Teenagers milled around in front of a movie theatre and a group of older business men in suit jackets headed for the coffee house inside the bookstore.

Jacob pulled the car over and rather violently put it in park. The muscles in his forearms were trembling as his eyes scanned the crowd. He took a deep breath in and gritted his teeth. This was the moment we had both been dreading and there was nothing I could do to sooth his raw nerves.

"Table in the corner, under the overhang." He said. I looked over to where he mentioned and nodded. It wasn't hard to spot Victoria and Seth. One was wearing a plain white t-shirt and cut off shorts glaring at everyone who walked by and the other was wearing long sleeves, a sweatshirt that covered her neck and a baseball cap that a red ponytail stuck out the back of. I could tell from here that Seth was having a hard time containing his wolf, his legs kept taking turns bouncing under the table and his own fingers were digging into his forearms.

"Will Seth be able to tell that you're here?" I asked.

"He already knows." Was the reply and sure enough, Seth was glaring in our direction, suddenly still and alert.

"He doesn't look happy to see us." I said.

"He won't be. He isn't going to want to leave you. You're going to have to make him." Jacob looked at me. "Be careful."

"I love you." I replied and got out of the car so quickly he didn't have time for a response.

For a moment I felt almost disoriented like the first time the training wheels are taken off a bike. I felt Seth's eyes follow me as I slipped through the crowd and into the seating area of the cafe. Victoria was smirking at me as I weaved in and out of the tables never taking my eyes off of them as I walked. I did my best to smile encouragingly at Seth but was sure it was more of a grimace on my face.

"Isabella Marie Swan." Victoria's voice was a fraction too high; her inflections just wrong enough to suggest that she wasn't originally from the United States but she had a purr at the back of her throat that made you want to listen to her every word with rapt attention. Everything about vampires was predatory, made to lure their prey into a false sense of security before they stuck.

"Victoria." I nodded my head in her direction before looking at Seth. "Your sister sent me to get you. She's been worried about you. Go wait for me in the car."

"Bella I'd-" He started to protest.

"Go now! Jacob is waiting. Don't make him come get you himself." I snapped. Seth made a face of utter rage but stood as Victoria's laugh tinkled out around us. Both of our eyes swiveled to her face which just seemed to please her more.

"Lay one finger on her and you die. I'll hunt you down like the hell spawn you are and rip you to shreds myself before setting every part of you on fire so you can burn in hell." Seth's words were said low enough that the people around us couldn't hear them but Victoria certainly got the message. Her features rearranged themselves in a look of sheer glee. She clapped her hands together like a child who had heard the best joke.

"Yes, run along little protector. You aren't needed anymore. I have exactly what I want." She waved a dainty porcelain hand at him in condescending dismissal. He growled low, his hands vibrating ever so slightly. I grabbed his wrist and squeezed as hard as I could. It got his attention and he seemed to pull himself together.

"Stop antagonizing him. I'm here. You're getting what you want. Let him leave without bothering him anymore." I snapped.

"Always trying to spoil the fun." She laughed. "Very well. Take a seat and while he leaves we can talk about our business."

I did as I was bid and quietly watched the tall broad shouldered Quileute weave in and out of the crowd. There was a moment where I almost felt abandoned but I pushed the thought aside and looked coldly at Victoria. I had never wanted anyone else in the middle of this in the first place.

"What do you want?" I was blunt, crossing my arms in front of my chest and leaning back in my chair like I was bored with the conversation already.

"Ultimately I want you dead." She gave me another smile, showing off gleaming white teeth that I knew to be razor sharp and coated with venom.

"Then why are we sitting in a public place? I know as well as you do the laws that govern your kind. Humans can't know what you are." I shrugged at her.

"Oh I know the laws that the Volturi set very well indeed." She leaned forward, eyes wide and shinning with excitement. "Your demise is too easy; it would be over too quickly no matter how I decided to take it. No, I'd rather orchestrate the downfall of all that you hold dear before I obliterate you."

I felt rage trickle down my spine; icy fingers that gripped my lungs and made me want to let the wolf free to tear the women in front of me to shreds. It wasn't so much the idea of being obliterated as it was the images of those I loved no longer existing. I felt my lip curl back from my teeth as I recognized the same feeling in my body as I had when I turned to join a fight I had no hope of winning.

"Let's take five minutes and just be honest." I found myself snarling at Victoria as I leaned closer to her. "While I certainly didn't choose vampirisum as a lifestyle let's not pretend that I am human. Let's also clarify that while you are bound to your laws so long as you wish to exist I am not held by the same laws you are. Do not threaten those I hold dear or I will rip you to shreds myself right now."

She laughed seemingly delighted by my outburst but there was a subtle tension that ran suddenly through her frame. While I had managed to keep the glare on my face I found myself shocked by not only the boldness of my words but by the feeling in my gut that I could certainly cause Victoria damage even if I couldn't exactly destroy her on the spot.

"Then lets negotiate." Victoria's face lost all of its pretense of joy and curled into a snarl.

"I'm listening." I kept my voice even.

"Perhaps justice could take another form." She steepled her fingers under her chin. "I've always wondered what it would be like to suck a shape shifter dry, dispite the smell their blood is rather sweet and the pain the venom causes them…" She let her sentace hang for a second and sighed dramatically. My heart stopped beating for a moment. "Deliver that precious wolf of yours that's been hunting me for years to that lovely clearing where he saved you from Laurent and I'll consider your debt paid in full once you've watched me suck away his life."

"No deal!" I slammed both fists into the table. It jumped under my hands and the cafe around us stilled. "Over my dead body bitch."

"Easy there Isabella." Victoria turned a brilliant smile on the other patrons who had paused their conversations to look nervously in our direction as she reached forward and patted my fists.

"The Pack will never hand over one of their own and I would never ask them to. I made myself very clear. I will not allow you to harm those I love further." I lowered my voice as conversion slowly picked up around us again.

"Then it seems that we are at an impasse as I already knew that we would be. You destroyed all that I cared about. Justice dictates that you are made to pay in like. Eye for an eye you know." The way she spoke almost made her reasoning sound intelligent but I knew that was only part of the vampire charm.

"How very flawed your logic is. According to your own logic I owe you nothing; James attempted to murder me without cause and died for his trouble but not without causing a lot of damage first. Laurent tried to kill me and you killed a member of the Pack responsible. I would say that we are more than even."

"That is where you are very wrong Miss Swan." Her crimson eyes seemed to sparkle at me and I wanted rip them out of her head with my bare hands. "Your little wolf is very much alive as is the vampire you used to love so dearly while I have eternity without my mate ahead of me. We aren't even close to even."

"Then why did you force me here?"

"To be honest, I'm getting bored playing hide and go seek with your carefree vampire family and your Pack of Werewolves. The Volturi were very interested to hear about you all. It seems like your existence is in violation with an agreement that was made with them."

"What does that have to do with you?" I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

"Nothing and everything." She smiled sweetly at me. "Aro would love to use you to add to his collection and Caius was so very pleased with me when I told him there was a large werewolf pack in Washington causing vampires everywhere such a large problem. However, it was your continued mortality that concerned them the most."

"The Volturi are coming." I stated.

"How very perceptive." She nodded.

"And what do you get out of the deal that you struck with them?" I asked.

"I didn't strike a deal with them. I merely informed them and was given a reward to be received on their arrival." Victoria's expression was superior.

"Me." I took another deep breath.

"Now you can see why all I wanted was to speak with you my dear Isabella Swan. They will arrive in a few days, little Alice will know exactly when by now I'm sure. Don't bother running. If you do we will lay waste to La Push and hunt down your loved ones until not a speck of your blood survives this earth." She reached out and touched my jaw with one long index finger. I recoiled from her, snarling.

"Why bother telling me?" I asked as I tried not to grind my teeth together.

"I wanted you to make a choice. Live with your own demise looming on the horizon or save yourself and condemn those you claim to love. There are some things that are worse than death little Swan." She reached forward and grabbed my wrist in a lightning fast movement that I hadn't been expecting, her thumb brushing against the scar that James had left there as she lifted it to her lips and placed a light kiss to the scared flesh. "I look forward to seeing you again soon." She released me and stood. I got to my feet and watched as she wove her way through the crowded seating area and out onto the sidewalk.

My heart was pounding in my chest as she disappeared into the crowd. I sank back down in my seat for a moment, doing my best to pull my thoughts together. Seth was safely with Jacob. I was alive. The Volturi were coming. La Push was in danger. Forks was in danger. My mother and step-father were in danger. Members of the Cullens were being sought for the Volturi Guard. I was going to die.

I scrubbed at my face for a moment as the weight of all the information settled on my chest. I took a deep breath in and let it out again, my wolf prowled in my chest restlessly, she didn't want to be in that spot any longer. I took another breath and stood, shoving my hands deep into the pockets of my jeans as I turned and headed out of the café.

Jacob was leaning against Leah's car next to Seth, one hand holding the younger man's arm in a steely grip as he watched me approach them. I reached out and touched the back of his hand before turning to Seth and mustering a smile. He didn't smile back, just looked me over from head to toe.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through this Seth." I said softly as I let my fingers intertwine with Jacob's as that same arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me close to his body. Every muscle was strung tight enough that he felt like he was about to snap next to me.

"You shouldn't have come Bella." He replied, pulling his arm out of Jacob's grasp loosened grasp and looking between us.

"I couldn't leave you. You mean more to me than that. I know what it's like to be at the mercy of a vampire." I shrugged leaning further into Jacob's side as if it was possible. His now free hand whispered a trail across the flat of my stomach and then up one arm as if he was reassuring himself that I was whole as I spoke. I didn't dare look him in the face yet. "It all turned out alright in the end. You're fine, I'm fine…" I let my voice trail off as he laughed sarcastically.

"Yeah, fine." He shook his head sarcastically and I hoped that he didn't insist on talking about what she was really up to while we were stood here on the streets of Port Angeles. "Look, there isn't enough room in Leah's car for all of us. I could use a good-"

"No!" Jacob and I said together sharply. I didn't want him to phase and show the rest of the Pack Victoria's intentions but I had no idea what Jacob's intentions were.

"Bella, take him back to his house. I'll meet you at home later." Jacob pressed the car keys into the palm of my hand. "We'll talk when I get there." I nodded my understanding as he dropped my hand and walked to face Seth. "You protect her, you understand me. You do whatever it takes and protect her." Seth nodded once briskly as Jacob turned back to me, one hand gripped the back of my skull as his lips crushed mine for a possessive moment before he abruptly walked away from us leaving me feeling slightly dizzy.

"Come on. Your sister is worried." I motioned with my head after I had got my own traitorous body under control before climbing into Leah's car.


	16. Part 14

Thank you everyone for your reviews! They really mean a lot to me, they let me know if you are enjoying what I'm writing, your thoughts on the direction of the story and keep me motivated to keep going. Reviews are a bit like fuel for a writer and the time you take to leave them means a lot to me. Please feel free to leave one when you're done reading.

Thank you again and thank you in advance! Here is Part 14.

* * *

><p>Part 14<p>

The drive back to La Push was made largely in silence after I explained the necessary events that had taken place since Seth's capture and reassured him of Leah's seeming recovery. Except for a few nods, I got little response from him and I couldn't blame him, he had lost a lot in the last few hours and probably more than a little pride along with it during his captivity.

"I need to ask you a favor." I said to him as we pulled into the driveway of the Clearwater household. He turned to me and raised an eyebrow but his eyes seemed somehow less bright then I was used to. I sighed, knowing that it was the only encouragement that I was going to get to proceed. "I know you know what Victoria has done. I need to ask you to let me talk to Jacob first."

"No one is giving into her demands Bella." He snarled and I found myself smiling at him.

"Please Seth." I asked again trying to conger a smile.

"Things have changed haven't they? Between you and Jake?" He asked as the car stopped and I put it in park. I nodded as the front door of the house flew open and Sue came barreling out followed by Rachel and Melika. "Okay." He got out of the car and straight into his mother's arms.

I smiled as I got out and leaned on the roof of the car for a moment as I watched the Quileute women fuss over him, tears streaming down Sue's face as she inspected her son from head to toe. I dropped Leah's car keys on the driver's seat and closed the door. A chorus of howls sounded in the trees around us and were closely followed by the enthusiastic voices of the wolf pack.

It didn't take them long to surround him, fists bumped his shoulder; hands ruffled the already messy hair on his head. I forgot how much like a wolf pack they behaved like even as men. They weren't as different from Clan as Ian Wainwright was sure shape shifters were. Steadily the rowdy crowd made its way through the front yard, up the porch steps and into the Clearwater house.

It was Paul who paused as he held the front door open and looked back in my direction and nodded once. I lifted a hand in recognition before turning and walking toward the woods and the path that would lead me back to my childhood home.

"Bella, wait!" Sue Clearwater shouted. I stopped and turned to find her scrambling back down the porch steps. She reached where I stood and threw both arms around me and hugged me tightly. "Thank you! Thank you!" She breathed.

"You're welcome." I nodded and offered a soft smile as she released me.

"Wait a moment; I'll have one of the boys drive you back to Jacob's." She kept a hold of one of my arms.

"It's alright, really. I need to go home and I could use a good run." I replied realizing that the words were true. It would be good to escape into the wolf for a while.

"At least let one of them escort you home." She pressed looking over her shoulder and refusing to give up the light grip she had on my arm. "Embry!"

"Sue, I'll be fine. Honestly!" I protested as Embry and Quil walked back onto the porch.

"What's up?" He squinted at us.

"Would you escort Bella home? I don't like the idea of her running through the woods alone." She asked him.

"Sure." He shrugged and leapt over the porch railing.

"Thank you, both of you but that's completely unnecessary." I tried again. What I wanted more than anything was some time to myself to work out my next step.

"Naw, it'll be better for everyone if I go with you, at least until you're home. Jacob wouldn't be all that happy if he got back here and you were nowhere in sight, at least this way he'll know exactly where you are and that you're safe." Embry tapped his temple and grinned at me. "Hey Quil." He called pulling his t-shirt over his head.

"Yeah, I'll tell her." Quil called back as Embry handed Sue his t-shirt.

"I'll be back in a while." He smiled. "Give me a second Bella." He jogged off into the woods and I shook my head.

"Stay safe." Sue hugged me. "Thank you for bringing my son home." She nodded and then headed back into the house. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, held it for a moment and then relaxed every bone and muscle in my body as I released it.

When I opened my eyes again, I was a wolf and for a moment there was chaos in my head as opinions, thoughts and sharper senses assaulted my brain. She was relieved that we were alive, she wanted control, she wanted to run, and she wanted our Clan. I took another deep breath and exhaled, shaking from the tips of my ears to the point of my tail and turned toward the woods at a steady jog.

It felt good to move my legs, felt good to take breaths and listen to the natural sound of the woods around me. Twenty-four hours before I wouldn't have believed being a werewolf could feel good. Even a short amount of time can change a lot.

I looked to the left as Embry joined me, ears forward but tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth in his characteristic carefree manor. He was larger than I was, he had nearly six inches on me in height and probably a good sixty to eighty pounds in weight but I was used to being the smallest.

Matt and Dan were roughly the same size as each other, a hair smaller and leaner then Embry and the other Quileute's. Dan was all lean muscle and long legs while Matt had a good amount more bulk muscle than either of us. Matt took after his father, his body built to fight and defend; a born Alpha male. At least he would have his birthright back soon.

I shuddered and pressed forward into a lope, Embry keeping easy pace beside me.

I tried to think less, to let my mind focus on the wolf's thoughts, to wonder to the scents and sounds around me. The smell of the pine trees, the intersecting scents of the prey animals in the forest; deer, rabbit, small rodents, the chatter of the birds overhead and the breeze whispering through the plant life. I could hear the sound of a small steam a couple hundred yards to the right. I could feel the ground giving way slightly under foot because of the typical damp that was made of wet earth and decaying plants but I try as I might I couldn't turn my thoughts off or stop the way that they jumbled with the wolf's own thoughts and emotions.

They would morn me for a while but things would go back to normal for them, like the last few years were just a strange detour. Matt would be accepted back into the greater Clan with me gone and Dan would follow him out of exile as surely as he had followed him into it. Matt would become leader first of the American Clans and then one day the greater whole, he would find a suitable mate and settle down and the fate of the Clan's succession would be secure again. Dan would be able to be with his family again, help his brother.

It was better for them this way. We were in agreement on that.

I tested the Clan bonds as I thought of them. They were safe, alive and far apart from each other. Dan was just a whisper of an idea at the back of my mind but Matt I could feel like he wasn't as far away as his brother, like he was closer to me. A flare of fear sparked at the back of my mind and I shoved it down to join my panic from earlier. Why wasn't Matt with Dan?

I shook the thought out of my head only for it to be replaced by another.

Jacob.

The future for the rest of my Clan was pretty clear. Jacob was a different matter and a thought that brought less peace and more pain. I loved him and _she _had claimed him. His fate was less certain. Would he spiral again? Loose himself? Would the Pack be enough to hold him together? Could Melika if he had never known me in the first place? Who was going to put the pieces back together again?

I pressed on again, picking up the pace once more as if I could out run the questions that chased me like monsters I had no defense against. Embry weaved in and out of the trees next to me, tongue no longer lolling out of the side of his mouth and his eyes a little more alert to our surroundings. It took me a moment to realize that he was guiding our direction, his weaving was to allow him to move in and out of my personal space until I was heading in the direction that he wanted me to go in.

It didn't take us long to reach home and by the time we did I was glad to slow down and Change back into my human self again. I had to stop and steady myself for a minute before looking at my house, my muscles were shaking. The effort that it took Changing and running twice in twenty-four hours, the strenuousness of Jacob's and my activities of the night before, little sleep, the anticipation of meeting with Victoria and the emotional aftermath were all finally taking a deep toll on my body.

I was emotionally and physically drained and looking at my father's house, empty and silent made me want to burst into tears. _"Suck it up!"_ I chided myself and looked to find that Embry hadn't followed me into the backyard yet. I waited for a moment and he appeared out of the trees, dressed in his cutoffs again and running a hand through his hair to get rid of a couple of pine needles.

"Thanks Embry." I gave him a tired sort of smile as I headed to the back porch. I walked up the stairs before stooping next to a long dead potted plant that's sole purpose was to mark the place of the hide-a-key. Footsteps up the stairs and a sigh as I stood made me turn around to find Embry leaning against the railing. He yawned and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"From the look on your face, you're going to go into that house and pass out. I'm going to hang around until Jake gets back. He has some Pack things to deal with." He shrugged.

"Thank you really, but I'll be fine. Matthew will be back soon. I don't need you to protect me." I wasn't one hundred percent sure where that last piece of information had come from but it felt and sounded like fact. I had learned enough about Clan intuition not to totally discount the idea that the wolf knew things that I didn't.

"Bella, I know you don't need me to protect you. I'll still wait until one or the other gets here." He smiled and shrugged.

"Alright." I shrugged back at him and unlocked the house, walking in and leaving him to shut the door behind us. "You know where everything is, make yourself at home. I'm going to take a shower."

"I'll be in the living room if you need anything, shout." He smiled at me and I nodded, knowing better than to argue.

I left him and trudged up the stairs, stopping in my room long enough to grab a change of clothes before dragging myself into the bathroom. I closed and locked the door and turned on the shower before the full effect of the mornings events hit me full force. In the time it took me to slide down the wall one of my all too famous panic attacks was fighting for control of my body. Every muscle in my body was either strung tight or shaking like a leaf, and despite the fact that I was concentrating on trying to take measured breaths I knew I wasn't getting much oxygen.

Victoria had been in contact with the Volturi.

Fuck! I slammed my fist into my sternum a couple of times and took huge gasps of air. I felt like a drowning person, trying to snatch air from the surface before going under water again. _"Pull it together Swan!" _I mentally growled at myself, hoisting myself to my feet using the bathroom sink. I let it support me for a moment before, making my legs take my full weight.

I was not going to do this!

I shut a pair of mental steel doors on my panic and made myself stand up straight. I slowly peeled off my clothes and stepped into the shower. The water was hot. Not enough to scald but it left my skin a rosy pink. I closed my eyes and ducked my head under the spray, wiping my hair back from my face as the water soaked it. I ran shampoo and then conditioner through my hair and did my best not to peal the skin off my wrist where Victoria had caressed it before turning off the shower.

I was done feeling frightened and I was done panicking over things that I couldn't change. It was my turn to be the strong one. If I was going to give my family half a chance to deal with this situation then I had to be pull myself together and grow some backbone.

Voices in conversation caught my ear as I dried off and changed into clean clothes. Matthew was here. Why he wasn't with Dan and my father I wasn't sure but it wouldn't take me long to find out. I pulled a brush through my hair, braiding it tightly before heading back out into the hallway.

"You want me to stick around?" Embry appeared at the bottom of the stairs as I started down them.

"I'm good. Thank you Embry." I smiled at him.

"Jake'll be here soon, he's just finishing some business." He nodded and exited through the front door as I continued to the living room.

"Matt." I couldn't help the relief I felt when I saw him sitting on the edge of the sofa.

"You ok Izzy?" Concern was etched onto his face as he inspected me. I sat down on the couch next to him and threaded an arm through one of his. The contact felt good, important somehow like I'd been missing something for the last number of hours and I hadn't realized it until then.

"Why aren't you with my father?" I asked him.

"Jasper and I took Dan and Charlie as far as we could but it wasn't safe for either of us to go farther." He replied. He looked as tired as he sounded. I understood the feeling.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"With my cousin's Clan in Fresno, California. It's one of the largest Clans on the west coast. They'll be safe in the Sierra Nevada's." He replied. I knew better than to challenge that opinion and I was also sure that Victoria wasn't going to be able to get through a large Clan if she changed her mind about tracking down my father. "Did you manage to sleep at all last night?" His question sounded silly, too normal and this whole situation was anything but normal.

"Did you?" I quirked an eyebrow at him and he let out a low laugh.

"Point taken. Go get some sleep, you look exhausted. I'll be down here." He patted my knee.

"You should get some rest too." I pointed out.

"I'm still waiting to hear back from Dan that they arrived at Jonathan's safely. I'll rest after I've heard." He shrugged.

"Then I'll wait with you." I just turned and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and curled up with my head on a cushion opposite from the end of the couch that Matt was sitting on. He chuckled, tucking the blanket around my feet and gave my calf a quick rub when he had finished but didn't remove it from my leg. Contact, all wolves needed contact, especially after a traumatic event and we were no different.

I fell asleep in moments, my body falling into the welcoming darkness before relaxing completely. Unfortunately my mind wasn't to be given reprieve while my body rested. As soon as I closed my eyes it seemed like I was opening them again, only I wasn't laying on the couch in my father's living room with Matthew watching over me.

I was stood on top of a mountain in the middle of a wind storm. The dust in the air made it impossible to see much around me and it clogged the air making it hard to breathe. It only took me a moment to realize that this was a projection of my panic attack and I wasn't in the least surprised to turn around and see the women from my dream standing with me. She was as lovely as before, her almost blond hair whipping around her face in the wind and her blueberry eyes staring directly at me.

"_You must really have loved him." _She said to me, her eyes serious as she seemed to try to look straight into my part of our soul.

"_I did, I do. It's complicated but when I first met Victoria there was no such thing as a life without Edward. I would have died to live eternally with him; I would have died if living meant going on without him." _I shrugged. She already knew all of this.

"_Falling in love with the wrong person can really fuck things up sometimes."_ She shrugged and despite the wind around us I could hear her perfectly.

"_I'm sorry."_ I said to her and I meant it. She hadn't asked for all of the baggage that she had been saddled with. The wind around us seemed to intensify, somewhere on our imaginary mountain it sounded like a tree fell. Small rocks and pieces of debris bounced off my clothes and I felt like I was constantly trying to push my hair out of my eyes so I could see.

"_We all make choices in our lives that we live to regret."_ She answered.

"_You understand?"_ I asked her.

"_Why we are going to give into Victoria's demands?"_ She nodded. _"Of course I understand and we will do what we have to do but I don't have to like the fact that in a few short days we will cease to exist before either of us is ready."_

"_I don't like it either."_ I replied.

"_I can tell."_ She waved her hand in the air, indicating that the storm that we were in was proof enough of my feelings. _"There is no point in panicking now. It's done."_

"_I thought that I had let go of the panic."_ I said thinking back to my moment of resolution during my shower.

"_No, I just helped you bury it like I've always done."_ She shook her head_. "Is it dying that makes you panic like this?"_

"_No. Dying is the easy part. No matter the method there is always an end."_ I shook my head looking around at the whirlwind that was the physical manifestation of my own fears.

"_Then what frightens you the most?"_ Her question was simple.

I just paused and looked at her. How did I go about answering a question that I didn't know the answer to? There were so many things that had bombarded my psyche with fear in such a short period of time that it was hard to make sense of what had frightened me the most. The Volturi were coming, Victoria was holding the lives of the people that I cared about over my head and the aftermath of my death was so uncertain. What were the Pack going to do? Matthew and Daniel? My father? Jacob? What would I do if they wouldn't let me go? Was there a way to omit the facts?

"_Don't you know already?"_ I frowned.

"_Do you?"_ Her face seemed to take on the same expression that was one my face, like we were just frustrating each other.

"_The idea of watching the people that I love the most suffer because of me terrifies me."_ I answered her and for a moment it seemed as if the wind was beginning to die down and the dust wasn't choking the air quiet so much.

"_Suffering is a part of life but you can't hide the facts from them just to spare them. Matthew, Jacob and Edward have to know the truth. It's the only way that we can make sure that those who need protection are given it."_ Her voice broke through my thoughts.

"_How do I tell him? We only just got each other back! How do I break his heart?"_ The winds exploded around us in response to my emotional state.

"_You just tell him the truth."_ She replied. _"Time to snap out of it Bella, he's coming."_

I gasped and sat up, my eyes snapping to the front door as footsteps sounded on the front porch and Matt got somewhat cautiously to his feet as he reacted to my sudden movements. His eyes that had been momentarily fixed on the door looked at me. I could see the silent question on his face as he assessed the expression on my own. I took a deep breath and nodded, I was okay and he seemed to relax as I stood up and the front door opened.

Jacob walked through the door, closing it so hard behind him that it shook. I felt the breath catch at the back of my throat as we looked at each other. There was nothing that I wanted to do more in that moment then throw myself in his arms and hide in his embrace but I bit my lower lip instead, clenching my hands into fists until I felt the nails bite into my palms. He walked slowly into the living room, taking in my expression and frowning.

"Charlie safe?" He asked, looking at Matt.

"Just waiting on word that they made it to my cousin's territory." Matt nodded. Jacob looked at me again and I went back to abusing my lower lip with my teeth.

"You should have stayed with the Pack." Jake said softly to me.

"I needed to come home Jake." I shrugged. I looked up at Matt for a moment before closing the space between Jacob and me, wrapping my arms around his middle. One of his hands found the back of my neck while the other ran across my back. He bent his head so his lips could brush the top of my ear.

"That was the worst moment of my life Bells, watching you walk toward that leech." He whispered and I felt my lip tremble, knowing that it was only going to get so much worse than that. He pulled away from me, running both hands up my arms, across my shoulders and up my neck until he was cupping my face. "Never again honey." He said firmly looking straight into my eyes. Something inside me died a little, this was going to break his heart. Like the coward I was, I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth, not quite yet.

"I'm okay Jake." I said instead, inserting one of my hands in his as I turned so we were both facing Matt. My alpha's face was grim, I could see that he wasn't happy that things between Jacob and I had progressed but I knew him well enough to know that so long as I was happy, he wasn't going to stop me being happy. He had seen me unhappy for far too long.

"What happened he asked? Did you get your friend back?" He asked sitting down in my father's lazyboy, leaving the couch free for Jake and I. We sat; Jake kept his body close to mine, his leg pressed right against my leg, his fingers still entwined with my own.

"Seth is alright." I nodded and almost jumped out of my skin as my phone rang. I grabbed it off the coffee table and quickly accepted the call. "Dad!" I exclaimed.

"Isabella Marie Swan you have some explaining to do." Charlie's gruff baritone on the other end of the phone made my eyes water. He was safe. No matter what happened next, my father was surrounding by werewolves that no crazy red headed vampire bitch was going to get through.

"I'm so sorry daddy." I found myself gulping, my voice sounding strange even to my ears as I fought back a wave of tears of relief.

"What in god's name possessed you to get mixed up in a war between vampires and werewolves and shapeshifters?" He sounded exhausted and miserable. I knew how he felt.

"I kept falling in love with them." I said and found that the words sounded so bizarre that all I wanted to do was laugh. A strangled giggle escaped my lips and suddenly Charlie was joining me in my laughter. Jacob and Matt looked incredulously at me as my father and I tried to get our laughter under control. No one had ever promised that sanity ran in the Swan family.

"Next time try falling in love with a nice normal human boy." He said.

"Even if I wanted to, I couldn't dad." I said softly.

"The boys weren't lying then. You really are a ..." The word seemed to stick in my father's throat.

"A werewolf dad." I said for him. "Yes."

"Oh Bella, sweetheart. How did you let this happen?" I heard tears in his voice and I suddenly looked up at Matt. He stood up and walked across the room and crouched down in front of me. Jacob stiffened as he brushed some hair back behind my ear and took the phone from me.

"Charlie, don't blame Izzy for something that isn't her fault. You wanna hate someone you hate me. Now, did you make it safe to Jonathan's?" He asked, his eyes still locked to mine, one hand resting on my knee despite the low, possessive growl coming from Jacob. I ignored him, so did Matt.

"Yes." My father's voice was suddenly tight.

"Do as he tells you, stick close to Dan and you'll be fine. I'll call as soon as it's safe for you to return to Forks." Matt said.

"I swear to god, I will hunt you down and kill you like the son of a bitch that you are!" There was gavel behind Charlie's words but my heart broke a little.

"That's totally your right Charlie and I won't stop you but your daughter looks like she's just lost a parent and only you can fix that." Matt stopped a tear that had started to make its way down my cheek with his thumb as he passed the phone back to me. He looked impassively over at Jacob who was clearly still unhappy about Matt's proximity and hands on behavior. He was my Alpha and friend and Jake was going to have to get used to that idea quickly.

"Stay safe okay dad." I said quickly, scrubbing at my eyes with one hand.

"I love you Bella, always have, always will. That hasn't changed." The uncharacteristically emotional tone to his voice intensified.

"I love you too dad." I said before hanging up the phone and looking between Jacob and Matt. I handed Matt my cellphone as he stood and placed some distance between us again. "I know today's been a hard day for everyone but it isn't over yet." My voice was trembling as the front door opened and Alice was suddenly in the middle of my living room in between two growling on edge men.

"They're coming." She had a look akin to real terror on her face.

"Who are coming?" Jacob's voice had lost a few degrees of humanity.

"The Volturi." She said and all eyes turned to me. "They are coming for us."


	17. Part 15

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and a peaceful and prosperous New Year from the UK to all of my lovely readers no matter where you are in the world.

Once again I would like to thank each an every one of you for your reviews. Even just a note saying that you're reading helps to brighten my day so very much. 2013 has been an interesting year for me with plenty of ups and downs, I'm sure that it has been the same for you and I can't help but feel honored that you all have stuck with me this far into the story.

If you have time please drop a review, I love them, otherwise please grab a cup of tea, relax and enjoy. I submit, with pleasure for your analysis, Part 15.

* * *

><p>Part 15<p>

The room erupted around me in less time than it took for my heart to beat. It had started the way that most human explosions do, with lots of yelling and threatening and then blaming. I had tried to move away from the shouting, to get some space and wait the other three out, only to catch my foot rather spectacularly in old Bella style on the living room rug. Alice had been closest to me and reached out and caught me before I could face plant, that's when world war three (supernatural style) exploded in my father's living room.

Jacob phased.

Matthew grabbed me and pulled me out of the way as Alice got thrown against the wall by Jacob and wrapped her hands tightly around his jaws keeping them shut as he lunged for her throat. She used both legs to kick him square in the chest and send him flying across the living room. She took a defensive stance and he snarled at her as she hissed back at him.

Matthew in the mean time pushed me behind him, in such a way that I landed hard against the couch, toppling it and me along with it to keep me out of the way. Jacob's wolf almost instantly lost interest in Alice in favor of Matt who had changed mid-turn after he had checked to see that I wasn't hurt as I hit the ground hard on the other side. They were a snarling snapping ball of fur that slammed into the television and the opposite wall, toppling my father's lazy boy and smashing the tall standing lamp.

Alice rushed to me to help me up.

Jacob turned on her again but Matt's grey body was in between us stopping him from being able to focus his fury on her again.

"Enough!" I roared at the top of my lungs glaring between the big grey wolf that was Matt and the huge russet wolf that was Jacob as I dusted myself off Alice tense at my side. They had frozen in place as I yelled, lips drawn back to expose long vicious looking fangs. The whole event had taken less than two minutes from start to finish but had caused some serious damage to my father's house. "Alice, go put the kettle on. I could use a cup of tea and Jacob needs some space before we all try talking again."

Alice nodded and moved at a very cautious, human pace past me and down the hallway toward the kitchen. I looked between the two left in my father's destroyed living room. This was unbelievable and yet totally unsurprising. There had been too much stress in the last twenty-four hours for all of us and this had been the end result.

"I love that you have a need to protect me, both of you, but Matt the couch thing wasn't helpful, was a little painful and completely unnecessary." I said to them and then looked fondly at my Alpha. The wolf gazed levelly at me with one eye, the rest of his senses stayed locked to Jacob and I knew that I would have to tread carefully. I could feel protection and rage flow along the supernatural bonds that held us together, that made us Clan. Those same bonds felt raw, like the events of the last few days coupled with the absence of Dan was causing friction that was physically painful like day old road rash. I also realized that Matthew had been shielding me from those particular side effects and had taken on the full extent alone until this situation had blown up around him and his focus had been drawn elsewhere. "I will explain everything to everyone, please; I'm not in any danger right now. Let me talk to Jake for a moment. He and I have been emotionally pushed about as far as we can go already today too, just like you have and we all still have a long way to go."

The yellow eyes watched me steadily for a moment and then he inclined his head in the tiniest of moves giving me permission. I hadn't moved a muscle until I saw the very slight movement of his head even though it felt like it took an eternity for the permission to be granted. Jacob had stood growling in the middle of the room the whole time, ears pinned flat back against his skull and lips drawn back from his teeth as he glared at Matt. I reached up, twisting my hair in a fist before pulling it to one side, exposing the side and back of my neck as I paused at Matt's shoulder. I gently brushed my fingers through the fur of his shoulder and felt the muscles underneath twitch at my touch before I was out of reach.

"Jake." I breathed his name. The snarling didn't decrease when I got close to him but he managed to position us in such a way that he could easily maneuver to come between Matt and I should Matt decide to rush at us. I reached out and grabbed the ear closest to me and gave it a tug. He barely gave me any sign he was listening to me. "Stop." I said, tugging a little harder.

The snarling had stopped only to be replaced by a low rumble as one eye swiveled to look at me for just a moment before refocusing on Matt. This was my Jacob, my lover and best friend, the Jacob that would die for me and love me unconditionally. This was also the Jacob that had watched the women he loved walk willingly toward a vampire that had been hell bent on my destruction for years, prepared to die and leave him alone again after just having been reunited with me. He had taken about all he could of me in dangerous situations and had let the wolf do more thinking then he should have and it had finally made him snap.

"Alice and Matt aren't going to hurt me. You know that." I buried my other hand in the scruff of his neck as I tugged on his ear again as he made another growling sound. "Stop threatening my Alpha or I'm going to walk back over there to wait with him until you get yourself under control." I said seriously and he grunted, turning his whole attention back to Matt who was beginning to look like he wanted to burst out of his own skin and break the momentary truce but the growling ceased. I did my best to use bonds I had only the barest understanding of to send soothing feelings to Matt, hoping that he understood what I was trying to do. "Look at me." He bumped me lightly with his head but didn't turn his eyes on me. "Jacob, please look at me. I need you to look at me." There was a touch of desperation that crept into my voice and it was enough to make him turn his head to look me straight in the eye.

"Hi you." I breathed and bathed for a moment in the liquid eyes that were Jacob's, wolf or not. I couldn't help myself; I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face deep in his fur. The growl that had been vibrating silently in his chest changed to a sound closer to contentment as I leaned against him.

"Bella, darling?" Alice's voice rang true from the kitchen.

"Not now Alice." I said softly as the rumble in his chest turned aggressive again.

"There are three mangy horse sized mutts in your back yard with Seth that look like they were going to try a stealth attack on your house. They are not happy to see me." Her voice lost none of its sing-song quality, like the fact that there were giant angry shape-shifters in the back yard wasn't actually that big a deal.

"You took over as Alpha didn't you?" I pulled back so that I could capture Jacob's eyes again. A warm breath of affirmation was snorted somewhat proudly from his nose. "You need to call them off Jake. No one is in danger right now. We all need to talk like humans and then you can tell your Pack what's going on. Please Jake." I tried to keep my tone neutral but the effort it was taking to keep soothing emotions flowing through the Clan bonds was making it hard. I felt the muscles that I had wrapped my arms around tense and then relax. Jacob bumped me with his head; I took that as his way of telling me to move. I did as I was told. "Alice?"

"They're all just sitting looking at the house. They don't look like they want to rip it apart anymore but they still don't look happy." She responded.

"Isabella give him some space." Matt's voice was hard and I knew the command behind it. I looked carefully at Jacob before slowly moving closer to my Alpha. It was like the arrival of Jacob's pack had changed the decision that he had made earlier. As of that moment, I had pushed him far enough, it was time that he was assured of my safety and he was done with me near another aggressive Alpha.

"Matt," I tried, not wanting to drift too far from Jacob.

"Not until he's human." He snapped and I felt the familiar tug that came with the submission of my wolf to his demands. I shuddered and took a step back so that I was standing beside him, he placed his hand on my arm, not holding me back but making sure that I stayed where I was.

"Jacob, please." I pleaded with him. There was a moment of tense silence and then the air around him shimmered, another moment later Jacob was stood shaking from head to toe in my living room glaring at Matt who was glaring just as heatedly back at him. Those two competing, very dominant personalities in the same room was starting to give me a pounding headache.

"I would never hurt her. The wolf would never hurt her. She is ours!" The voice that came out of his mouth was less than human and made me shiver. I felt Matt tense from where I stood next to him, his fingers flexing like he wanted to wrap them around my arm as Jacob declared his ownership of me.

"Jake, there are some of your clothes in the box on the top shelf of the closet in my room. Would you go put them on?" I said softly a blush out with my control coloring my cheeks. I was more than a little aware of how naked he was standing in the middle of the living room. Personally, I thought he was beautiful but practically I knew that clothes were better for the comfort of all in this situation.

"No way am I letting you out of my sight." He shook his head. The trembling started to get violent again. I went to move forward but a tap on the shoulder from Matt stopped me in my tracks.

"Jacob… Matthew, god damn it… please, just please." I started to feel the panic that I had worked really hard to push away and down creeping back. There wasn't much more of this tension that I was going to be able to take before I snapped myself. I needed everyone to calm the fuck down and act rationally for a while, I wasn't going to last much longer standing here feeling like I was being torn in two.

"Five minutes." Matt said after taking in the expression on my face. Suddenly I was bathed in soothing energy. My eyes widened as they snapped to my Alpha in sudden realization. I had forgotten for a moment that I had been projecting feelings along the Clan bonds and suddenly realized that Matt had gotten a full blown taste of my own fears, right down to the panic and terror that Victoria seemed able to drown me in. "Five minutes, then I want you back in this room. You are a part of my Clan and I will make decisions that are in your best interest which you will follow in the interest of your wellbeing. Do you understand?" I nodded my understanding before I walked forward and slipped my hand into Jacob's and gave him a tug.

He let me lead him across the destroyed living room, into the hallway and then up the stairs. His body crowded mine the moment that we had to turn our backs on Matt, like he could shield me from him with his sheer bulk. We were both teetering on an edge that I didn't know how to come back from and a fight for dominance between the two men I needed most in that moment wasn't helping matters. The door to my bedroom clicked shut behind us as I walked toward the wardrobe and pulled a packing box down from the top shelf.

I turned and almost over balanced as I bumped straight into Jacob, he was so close he was able to keep me pressed to him to rebalance me and pluck the box from my arms all in the same moment. I sighed, melting into his yielding side, pressing my cheek against his warm skin and shivering for a moment as he warmed me to the marrow of my bones. It was comforting. He dropped the box on the floor and used his free hand to cup the back of my neck tilting my head up to look at him. He bent his head so that his forehead was pressed against mine. I reached up and smoothed the skin of his face and neck with one hand. As one we took a few steadying breaths.

"Bells." He whispered.

"We have to get through this." I responded.

"I know. It's been a rough day all round hasn't it." Jacob breathed.

"Did you have to fight Sam?" I asked him, taking another deep breath, absorbing the earthy, woodsy smell that belonged to Jacob. It helped fight my fears and cleared my head that much more. He made me feel strong. He always had.

"It was complicated." He didn't expand on the little information that he gave me. "They are a part of all of this Bells. They need to know, I can't completely shut them out but it's more complicated than Sam made it seem." I knew he meant his Pack. I knew he was right, the same way that I knew nothing was ever simple even when it should be.

"I know." I said softly. "But you have to remember that Alice and Matthew aren't going to hurt me, they are _my_ family and you need to start treating them like it. We all need to talk together without any more fighting. Get dressed; we don't have much time before we have to go back downstairs. Matt is just as upset and tense as we are and we are stretching his tolerance levels as about as far as they can go. I belong to his Clan too remember. I am his responsibility. After willingly going against his wishes today I don't have it in me to resist his orders at the moment."

He raised an eyebrow at me as if to dispute what I said but then thought better of it as he let me take a small step away. He dug through the box for a pair of shorts and a black t-shirt. I smiled and had to stifle a giggle as I looked at it. I had given it to him a number of years back because it had made me smile when I saw it; it was a black t-shirt that had 'Bad Dog' printed on the front with a picture of a golden retriever puppy chewing up a shoe. He had worn it a few times before I started using it to sleep in when I was around at his place.

"I wondered where this shirt had ended up." He managed a smile for me and I felt the wooziness in my stomach settle a little. He reached for my hand again and I let him take it as we walked out of my room, back down the stairs and into the living room.

Between Alice and Matthew the place had been restored to as much order as it could have been. The remains of the coffee table, both table lamps, the television and its stand and a few miscellaneous items were piled in a corner and the end tables had been pulled away from the couch and put together in the middle of the room to hold a tray that held the tea I had asked for. Quil, Paul, Jared and Seth stood close to the front door in nothing but cutoff shorts, nostrils flared and muscles twitching and jumping under russet colored skin that hardly seemed sufficient to hold them togeather, Alice had placed herself in the hallway closest to the kitchen and a quick exit and then there was Matthew who had taken up residence in my father's somewhat battered chair like he owned the space.

"They needed to see that you were both fine for themselves." Alice said to me as I looked at her and then at the men in my hallway.

"Head home, I'll call a Pack meeting when we're done here." Jacob jerked his head at the Quileute men. "Except Seth, you stay!" He was assertive.

"Jake?" Paul was frowning he looked at him, then at me and back again.

"Go." He repeated and the men, minus Seth shuffled back out of the front door.

"Come into the living room Alice, we need to know what you saw." I said smiling at her encouragingly as I walked to the couch and grabbed a cup of peppermint tea from the tray. Defuse the situation; that was my goal and acting as relaxed as possible was step number one. I tried to smile at Matt but the look on his face made my lower lip tremble a little. I quickly inserted my already abused lip in between my teeth and frowned again.

I dropped Jacob's hand with a quick reassuring look before going to sit on the floor in between the two Alphas. He knew exactly what my emotions were doing under my calm façade and he wasn't about to let me forget that this was serious. He was right; this was not going to be fun.

"Where do you want to start?" I deferred to Matt. Between the rest of us in the room we all had pieces of the puzzle, he didn't. We all might be able to make sense of things quicker if he decided where to begin, that and somehow, deep in my bones it felt right to let him take charge of our situation.

"Victoria." He said simply and I nodded.

"Seth?" Jacob looked at him expectantly. Seth was hovering on the edge of the room looking decidedly uncomfortable. I patted the floor next to me, making sure that I didn't put him directly in between me and either of the Alphas without putting him too far away from Jacob. He sat next to me and looked at me, his jaw clenched before he looked away again.

"She didn't say much except to taunt me when she first brought me back to consciousness." He said. I could see the muscles in his neck and shoulders work as he tried to look up at Jake as if to get permission to leave it there and failed to be able to look him in the face for longer than a minute. I touched his arm until he focused on me. I gave him an encouraging nod. "She taunted me with Brady's death until I was numb and then she told me that she would start killing humans until I became human again and stayed that way. She killed four men, two women and an eight year old child before the wolf gave up and I was able to stay human. Then she told me that she was going to destroy La Push and everything that I cared about, that she had called the Volturi and she would make sure that I was alive and able to watch you all die." His words came too fast and his voice was thick with emotion and scarring that he would carry for the rest of his life.

"It wasn't your fault." I whispered. Seven more lives to lay on my shoulders, seven more lives that would have been untouched if it weren't for my own stupidity, seven lives that would weigh even more heavily on Seth for the rest of his life. All of it my fault. No wonder he had been so silent in the car, so angry. His muscles jumped under my fingers, skin twitching but there were no blurred lines like I was used to seeing when any of the Quileutes when they were so emotional, so close to phasing.

"You can't phase can you?" Alice's voice was serious from her side of the room. She had noticed too.

"No." He shook his head, chancing a look up at Jacob again before looking at the floor, his face turning red as he tried to push down his own shame.

"We will deal with it Seth. I'll speak with the elders. If this can be fixed then we will fix it. I'll help you fix it." Jacob's voice held a level of tenderness that hadn't been there moments before and Seth looked back up at him with an expression full of hope. I watched Seth sit a little straighter under his steady gaze as if he felt safer, stronger with him nearby. I tried not to let the smile I felt touch my face, I knew exactly how he felt; Jacob had made me feel the same way for years.

"What did she say to you Iz?" Matt's voice made me turn to look at him and I sobered again.

"The Volturi are coming, she's made a deal with them and with me. My life for the lives of the people in Forks and La Push. I'm sure that the Volturi are interested in the Pack and the Cullens but she either doesn't know their intentions or wasn't willing to tell me them." I answered him honestly, keeping my eyes fixed to his face, his left cheek bone to be precise.

The silence that followed was the kind of silence in which everyone could have heard a pin drop. The look on Matthew's face was a strange mix of rage and pain, if it were possible for a vampire to cry then tears would have been dripping down Alice's cheeks, the destroyed expression on Seth's face was back in place like Jacob had never given him any hope at all and the grief on Jacob's was so profound that I felt what was left of my heart shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. I looked at Alice and she looked steadily back at me, her eyes liquid gold and expressive and yet it was easier to look at her than anyone else in the room.

"When?" Jacob's voice was trembling.

"We have four, maybe five days to prepare." She said softly never breaking eye contact with me. "Edward is on his way, he will be here day after tomorrow with Rose and Emmitt."

"Does she know?" Matt's voice was strained as I looked at him but there was something in his eyes that I hadn't been expecting. I just opened my mouth slightly and furrowed my brow it took me a moment to realize what he was asking me. "Does she know?" He asked again making sure to annunciate each word carefully.

"Does who know?" Jacob asked.

"I had a dream before Jacob arrived. We talked about it." I said, clenching my jaw together.

"Did she agree to the deal you made?" A spasm of anguish ran across Matt's face.

"Did who agree?" Jacob tried again looking between us.

"Yes." I my answer to him was barely a whisper as I cast my gaze to the floor.

"You should have spoken to me first; we could have tried to find another way." He said as he stood up fluidly, his face suddenly devoid of emotion in a way that shocked and frightened me. "I need to do some things; you should probably stay with Jacob tonight. We will talk about what happens next tomorrow."

"I was hoping you could stop her." Alice said as he headed past her to the door that lead to the kitchen.

"Her entire soul has made this decision. There is nothing I can do." He shook his head. Jacob's eyes widened as he looked at the three of us.

"You're all just going to let this happen? You're going to let the filthy blood sucking bitch kill Bella without even putting up a fight?" Jacob had surged to his feet, his fists clenched at his sides as he shouted at the whole room.

"Jake," I tried to sooth him.

"Don't Jake me Bella!" He roared before turning to Alice and Matt. "_We_ are _not_ handing her over without a fight. I don't care who the Volturi are or what her bloody soul has decided, I will not witness her die willingly or otherwise at the hands of that fucking leech!"

"There are some things that even an Alpha can't change Jacob Black, you would do well to learn that quickly if you wish to protect your own Pack. Just like you, Clan have laws that must be adhered to. Sacrifices must be made at times, if the entirety of a soul is in agreement then it falls to an Alpha to support and facilitate. Trust me when I say, that this will hurt me a whole lot more than it could ever hurt you." Matthew gave Jacob a stern but sympathetic look and frowned heavily at me once more. "I will call Dan, your father can stay with Jonathan until it's all over but Daniel needs to be here; for his sake and for yours."

"Jesus fucking Christ!" Jacob looked back at me.

"Jake, with or without your acceptance, this is happening. I made the deal." I said calmly and felt Seth half flinch next to me, the intense gaze of his Alpha was focused on me but he was close enough he was getting some of the spillover. "I love you Jacob, I love you so much and I would do anything to stop you having to go through this but there isn't an out this time, just hundreds upon hundreds of more deaths. I knew when I chose you over Edward that I was breaking an agreement with the most powerful vampires in existence and that my death was a very real possibility. There are some things that are just a matter of destiny and I've been running from mine for a long time now."

"Fuck destiny!" Jacob tore his eyes away from me and left the room and then the house, the front door slamming shut to signal his departure. Seth whined and I reached over and grabbed his hand giving it a quick squeeze. He looked at me, unshed tears shimmering in his expressive brown eyes. He seemed to understand where my decision had come from better than his Alpha and for that I could only hope that once he was able to phase again, his Pack brothers would understand too. I was doing the only thing that I seemed able to stop more loss of human life.

"Don't go after him. Go home." I said softly to him.

"You shouldn't give into her so easily." He didn't move, his eyes searching my face.

"Trust me, this is anything but easy but I don't have a choice, you know that." I said seriously as he made a move to go. I reached out and touched his arm making him stop mid stride to look at me again. "It might take a while but you have to forgive yourself. She would have killed them all anyway, there was nothing anyone could have done to save them." He just shrugged at me and headed out via the back door.

After that I waited.

Alice and I cleaned the living room and the kitchen. She reassured me that by the time my father got home, he wouldn't know that two wolves and a vampire had destroyed it. I, perhaps too hopefully, packed up my things in the duffle bag that I had brought with me from South America before curling up again on the couch with Alice watching me from the lazyboy.

Matthew had sequestered himself in my father's study where I had managed to tune out a serious of phone calls, all varying in tone although I never really caught the words being spoken. I don't think I wanted to. I wanted to rest, I wanted to mend the gaping hole in my chest that Jacob's continuing absence was holding open. After a few minutes Alice got up and went to the kitchen, coming back with a plate of leftovers in her hands. I gave her a questioning look as she handed me the plate.

"When was the last time you ate anything?" She asked me as she passed me a knife and fork and put a large glass of water down next to my feet. I thought about it hard for a moment, only to realize that I hadn't eaten since the steaks that I had eaten with my family the night before.

"Last night." I answered her and she nodded.

"Then eat something." She encouraged.

"Okay." I said and it wasn't until I started to eat that I realized that I was famished. It didn't take me long to polish off the leftover meatloaf, mashed potatoes and vegetables that she had heated for me and to down the water. After that we sat in silence.

"You should go upstairs and get some rest." Alice finally said after a couple of hours. I sighed heavily. "Rest will make things clearer, Edward will be back soon with the rest of the family and we can come up with a game plan."

"Is he gone Alice?" I asked her and she frowned, her face taking on a look of concentration.

"I can't see your future. It's just not there." She replied and I nodded, it was going to be the best that I could get.

"If he comes back, I'll be upstairs." I stood slowly and reached for my duffle bag, casting a quick glance at the door before heading for the stairs. I felt miserable as I changed into sweats and a t-shirt and crawled into bed but I was so exhausted and ready to feel nothing anymore that it didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

I fell asleep and I dreamt.

I dreamt of wolves and red eyed vampires.

I dreamt of warm arms and soft skin stretched over taunt muscles.

I dreamt of the wolf banishing my dreams and the chill from my blood and then there was nothing.

It as a strange but not unpleasant feeling of burning in my chest and light from my open bedroom window that woke me the next morning. I could tell by the patterns the light cast on the wall that it was relatively early in the morning probably between eight and ten. I was in my own room and the realization made my stomach sink until I became acutely aware of breath that wasn't my own being inhaled and expelled in a steady rhythm.

I rolled over and gasped as I came face to face with a sleeping Jacob. He was here, with me, in my bed. He had come back, he hadn't left for good. I felt my face heat up with emotion and my breath catch in my throat as I looked at him. He was beautiful, the morning light made his russet skin glow; his dark eyelashes gentility brushed his cheeks. He looked less angular and hard in his sleep, in his vulnerability there was still traces of the teenager that I had first loved, my best friend, my sun.

"Breathe Bella." His sleepy voice commanded without him ever opening his eyes and I inhaled air that I hadn't realized that I had been neglecting to take in.

"You came back." I said, my voice sounding rough and choked because of sleep and pent up emotion.

"I won't leave you honey, not ever." He said with conviction, dark eyes drifting open as he wrapped an arm around my middle and pulled me flush with him. "I have a small problem when it comes to you Bells." He said matter of factually and I found myself drawing in my lower lip to chew as I looked at him somewhat concerned.

"A problem?"

"I love you Isabella Marie Swan." He breathed, nuzzling my face.

"I love you too Jacob Ephraim Black." I relaxed into him, let him hold me and touch me. His hands running over my back and arms, down my side and up to my face. I was safe in his arms and I was going to relish the time that I had left to be with him.

I was in the process of dozing off again when I heard someone pound violently on the front door. My initial response was to look up at Jacob; he was frowning as he looked at my closed bedroom door. His whole posture more alert as he propped himself up on an elbow. I knew from his reaction that it wasn't one of the Pack. I heard Matt stomp down the hallway from the guest bedroom and trot down the stairs as another round of pounding hit the front door.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Matthew's snarl had me out of bed and to the bedroom door before I realized that I was about to rush into the unknown. I froze, feeling Jacob's hand at the small of my back and the weight of a sweater over my shoulders as I took a deep breath before slowly opening the door.

"We're here because of Isabella." I didn't recognize the male voice that spoke, although it did sound vaguely familiar. I moved to the top of the stairs, pulling the sweater over my head but my view of the stranger was obstructed by Matt's body and the front door.

"Leave." Matt snapped as I saw the corner of his eye closest to where I stood twitch ever so slightly. He knew I was watching from the stairs.

"You know I won't." There was fondness in the other voice as I crept slowly and silently down the stairs. I caught a curious expression on Alice's face in the living room and I also noticed that at some point in the night Jasper had arrived at the house. Her eyes flickered between Jacob and I and she gave a quick shake of her head, she hadn't seen this arrival. "Don't make this harder on all of you then you have to little brother." The voice suddenly clicked into place in my head. Hunter Wainwright, the great white wolf, the irrepressible dissident and Matt's centuries older brother was stood in my doorway.

"Hunter Wainwright." I said his name, making it sound as exasperated as I felt, this was only going to complicate things. Matt shot me a pained look before letting the door fall the whole way open.

Stood on the porch were two very different individuals. Hunter Wainwright looked similar to his brothers all be it somewhat taller and with shoulder length light brown hair that was tied neatly at the nape of his neck with some sort of leather thong. He had a wicked scar that ran down the left side of his face from the top of his skull right down to the bottom of his cheek and on toward his neck and his bright blue eyes held equal measures of seriousness and sadness in them as he looked up at me. Dressed in dark jeans, dark boots and a blue collared shirt he looked the opposite of the women with him.

His companion looked barely out of her late teens, brown eyes sparkled out of a pixie face, her ultraviolet dyed hair was mostly pulled into a messy bun at the back of her head but tendrils that had been cut far too short to stay in the arrangement fell around her face and neck. With her pale skin, slightly stylized makeup and bright white teeth, she looked more like an anime character then a real live girl, the ripped up hip hugger jeans with their studded leather belt, black tank top under a leather jacket and black knee high biker boots didn't help her image. She was tiny in comparison to Hunter and didn't seem to have the same level of gravity that he held in his posture.

"Please tell me that Alice is still here!" Her voice had a sing song quality to it that made me want to smile at her and made her sound just as young as she looked. "I have been waiting a very long time to have the chance to meet her."

"And you are?" Jacob said from behind me a bemused look on his face.

"Natalie." She said peering up at him out of wide dark eyes. "You're a lot bigger in person you know. I knew you'd be impressive, but," She paused for a moment and I felt a knot in my chest tighten and a frown appeared on my face as her eyes raked him from head to toe. "Wow." She finished. I found myself clenching my jaw and my fists, not at all appreciating the way that she had taken in every facet of his body.

"Natalie." Hunter hissed at her, sounding exasperated and the way she looked up at him in return poured cold water on my own possessive rage.

"Thank you?" He shot me a confused look. I shrugged at him. I didn't know who or what she was any more than he did and I didn't like her brand of attention either.

"What are you both doing here Hunter?" I asked, moving down the stairs casting a quick glance to see that Alice was frozen in the living room an expression that I didn't understand on her face, Jasper was stood behind her frowning. Had she had another vision? Did Hunter or Natalie's presence here worry her beyond the simple fact that they were unknown Clan?

"I came because of you. Dan called me," He said looking at me from the doorway, his companion bouncing excitedly on the balls of her feet just half a step behind him like she could barely contain herself.

"Dan called you!" It was another snarl that ripped out of Matt's throat.

"That's enough!" Hunter reached out in a movement I barely saw and grabbed his brother by the back of the neck and gave him a good shake. "Instead of looking for loop holes you should have been the one to call me. You're still young Matthew, you need me. You _all_ need me right now. You and Daniel are my family and Isabella through you, I have a responsibility to my family and I take my responsibilities seriously especially where vampires are involved. Let me help you little brother." He let go of Matt gently and looked up at me again. "Can we come into your home Isabella?" I looked at Matt who seemed to have lost some of his anger after his brother's rebuke and suddenly looked exhausted.

"Are my family going to be a problem for you?" I asked him looking quickly over to Alice and Jasper and back at him.

"I don't tend to keep the company of vampires but you will find that I am good at managing regardless." He shrugged and tilted his head toward Natalie. "That one, on the other hand is a little too excited to meet them."

"Matt?" I looked at him and he shrugged at me.

"It's up to you Iz." He stood back from the door no longer baring their entrance.

"Then come in." I invited walking the rest of the way down the stairs with Jacob, brushing my hand along Matt's back as I passed him by and headed for the living room that held Jasper and Alice. "You okay?" I asked as I was nearly bowled over by a blur of porcelain skin and bright purple. Matt just nodded once.

Without warning or permission Natalie grabbed a hold of one of Alice's hands with both of her own and screwed her eyes together as tightly as she could. It was almost theatrical until Alice's face froze and her eyes glazed over for just a moment and then focused on Natalie's suddenly open eyes. Something silent seemed to pass between them as Hunter sighed and made himself comfortable in my father's chair.

"Natalie, reunions can wait until after the explanations." He caught her attention and gave a jerk of his head. She beamed happily at Alice and then at Jasper before plopping down on the floor at Hunter's feet, wrapping an arm around his leg and resting her head against his knee. Matt, Jacob and I took the couch with me sat in between the two men.

"Then let's have the explanations Hunter." I said a little sharply. Hunter nodded and gave his brother a heavy look.

"Do you want to explain me away or do you want me to?" He asked.

"Do you want to tell the truth for once or are you determined to keep the deep dark family secrets?" Matt gave him a dark look. I sighed. Great, more secrets!


End file.
